INSTANT REVIEW : Closer
A movie about 4 people who know how to cheat on each other.
Natalie Portman still sucks at acting.
INSTANT REVIEW: 1917 (2019) (3/5)
Scenic tour of the western front
INSTANT REVIEW: Dead Within (2014) (2/5)
An extremely low-rent zombie apocalypse piece that mostly takes place in the formerly fashionable summer home of former yuppies. Now they're just crazed survivors like all who remain living. The best bits of this movie involve the poor selection of food/drink available to them six months later.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Water Diviner (2015) (3/5)
Russell Crowe's character goes looking for his dead sons in Gallipoli in 1919 using his divining powers, because that's real. He and his dead kids keep getting in the way of the real hero of the story: a grizzled Turkish officer who has a lot to say about those filthy Aussies invading his country.
INSTANT REVIEW: Pulgasari (2/5)
The North Korean answer to Godzilla. A lot of things got hurt by this project: actors, livestock, and the kaiju genre to name a few. Appears to star the Korean People's Army for some epic medieval battle scenes. Not against the monster, though. He's hardly in it.
INSTANT REVIEW: Nemesis (1992) (2.5/5)
It's about some good cyborgs battling evil cyborgs in the near future. Everyone is a heavily armored robot, so they take a lot of hits to go down. Their battles are completely ridiculous and involve aircraft cannons eventually. It's not good, but it's not boring.
i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
INSTANT REVIEW: News of the World (2021)
A very average, if not sub standard western flick starring Tom Hanks. His job in the old west is to go from town to town and read the newspaper to people for a few pennies. He finds an orphan girl and tries to find her family. The story is cliché, its full of woke themes like "white ppl bad", "we wuz injunz" and stuff about slavery even though it's completely irrelevant to the plot. There's a few good scenes, imo not worth watching but if you absolutely have to pick a new release from 2021, this might be the most watchable of the lot.
INSTANT REVIEW: Hi, Mom (2021) (你好，李焕英)
First in the box office in China. Back to the Future but it's a girl from 2021 thats sent back to 1981 and meet her mom and act as she was her distant cousin. Boring as fuck, everything is an excuse for displaying maosit propaganda.
Homeward (2020): The real dad was the friends we made along the way.
INSTANT REVIEW: Gilmore Girls (2000 to 2007)
(I watched most of this show, but didn't finish watching all of the episodes yet.) I watched the first few seasons somewhat ironically as something to watch on Netflix while eating food. However, after watching the first 1, 2, or 3 seasons, it became a show that I don't just watch to-entertain-myself-while-eating. I watched plenty even when I wasn't eating. I like this show, more than I liked "Grey's Anatomy", which is a stupid show. If you cut out the interracial stuff "Gilmore Girls" is like a pro-white TV show maybe, which is neat. Thinking about the whole "women in film/TV" thing that cucks talk about, "Gilmore Girls" pulls it off well. "Gilmore Girls" might be in the feminist genre due to the female leads and business-owning sorta-entrepreneurial single mother lead character. Compare "Gilmore Girls" with "Grey's Anatomy" and you will see that in "Grey's Anatomy" the whole powerful-wimmin woman-strong feminism thing is really too on the nose and it is annoying if I remember correctly. With "Gilmore Girls" you will laugh sometimes, be sad at least once, and will find some of the stories to be interesting. I never really got into that show "Hannibal" (even after watching the entire TV show) but I did get "Gilmore Girls".
Also, last night I dreamt that Lorelai Gilmore and Rory Gilmore went next to a train station with two men. They went to a secluded sunny area near the train station. With the men behind them they simultaneously took their tops off and then presumably dropped their pants and panties. In the next scene in my dream they were both in the doggystyle position next to each other, with their asses facing the same direction. With each girl wearing a light shirt or a bra they were both getting fucked vaginally. Presumably they had their pants and panties under their knees/legs for comfort. At some point in this series of the scenes the girls might have been passionately kissing each other. Imagine that, while each of them has a cock inside them they are French kissing each other. The dream didn't make a lot of sense though because in the last scene they were on the floor of a train car which had fencing walls (as in you could sit in a seat and get a clear view of the passing scenery to your right with the wind in your hair) but no roof. The train car had other people in it who were sorta like "WTF?" Also, in the last scene, Lorelai was wearing her work clothing (clothes she wears at the inn that she works at) as a top even though she took her jacket off previously. While the dream didn't make a lot of sense it was still pretty cash to think about and gave me an erection. In the show Rory is a momma's girl, so devoid of common behavior it makes sense that she and her mother would have sex next to each other like wild girlfriends.
Lorelai is a sexy beautiful woman who has pretty eyes, though her personality might annoy me. Rory is a doll; she is cute, young, sexy, and beautiful, and she sorta seems to have her mother's eyes. While watching the first few seasons of "Gilmore Girls" I was think about how it would be great to have a sex robot which is almost perfectly of Rory's likeness. I would fuck it all the time. I also thought or fantasized about fuck teenage Rory while she is face/stomach down on her bed and completely nude. I never had sex as a teenager; I didn't really try, but I, as any other man, would still like to have sex with a teenager. Lorelai is a total MILF, but the the utter youthfulness in her appearance has been replaced by wrinkles or the features of a grown woman. Lorelai might be a great lay though, and that part in the show were she had sex with Christopher at the Independence Inn was quite romantic.
1/2
I had that dream after watching that episode where the Gilmore girls became reunited after Rory moves out of Lane's place. I also previously saw this video on the Internet of people fucking on a bus that was striking, even if it was faked/staged. In the dream I think a man who might have been Luke was fucking Lorelai, and a young man (possibly Logan) was pounding Rory's pussy.
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What if Rory and Lorelai 69'd each other. That would be hot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmYeA5mUIgo
captcha: yid
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> pounding Rory's pussy.
every time my eye glances over this I think it's about Rory Mercury until I read back
INSTANT REVIEW: Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) (4.5/5)
"An action-rich multiverse story about overcoming generational trauma and nihilism through the power of love", that's easy to not like if you can't relate or don't have enough patience for rapid random weird stuff to stick around for the payoff.
INSTANT REVIEW: Yojimbo (1961) (5/5)
Up there in the pantheon of "guy decides to fuck things up because why not". The most "on a whim" I've ever decided to watch a film and I was not disappointed. Good one, Jimbo.
>>510
let's be honest, everyone normal hates this weeb garbage. only niggers and wiggers like evangelion.
>>515 i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
INSTANT REVIEW: Più forte ragazzi! (1973)
I liked the parrots reacting to the fist fight.
INSTANT REVIEW: Nerve (2016) (2/5)
A friend found this DVD at the dump. Unopened. An interesting sci-fi concept involving rogue social media. It's overpowered by a soundtrack that hadn't aged well long before this was made. Definitely a vehicle for the motorcycle scene at 43:18. Low budget action done well. It’ll go back to the dump someday. But probably not this week.
INSTANT REVIEW: Densha Otoko 10/10
I know, I know, this is a film talked about to death on textboards. Story of an otaku who falls in love with a normie girl after saving her from a rapist on the train, he turns to 2channel for dating advice because he's socially dysfunctional and has no friends. Basically, this film is unrealistic. We all know text/imageboard users aren't that nice, we're sadistic motherfuckers more likely to mock train man for falling for a mainstream girl or just fuck with his head in general. Also, a respectable professional girl falling for an otaku like that is just unrealistic. In real life it would all fall apart once he starts running his mouth about his favourite hentai and making lewd jokes or when she learns he can't shut the fuck up about anime. The plus side is we have a great confession scene that'll leave you drowning in cum and tears and what the heck its a movie about textboards so I'll give it a 10. Chalk it up to bias.
INSTANT REVIEW: Coordinates of Death (1985)
Soviet Vietnamese film about the Vietnam War. Very bad and contains barely any plot. It's mostly compilations of Soviets dressed as Americans flying around in Hueys while drinking beer and eating burgers while mowing down villages with miniguns as funky music plays in the background. Ends with boring ass propaganda mock trial against captured American pilots.
Feels like a 70s movie with decent effects but uses a lot of stock gunfire and explosion sounds I recognize from lots of video games. Didn't realize those stock sounds were so old. My guess is their audio equipment was terrible because there's real explosions and shit, so they did this in post to salvage it.
Never been a fan of non anglos speaking English in cinema, but seeing Vietnamese actors dubbed in Russian is probably worse.
Perhaps there's a better version out there without the stock sounds and dubbing.
INSTANT REVIEW: Shin Godzilla (2016) 3.8/5
A remake/reimagining of the original Godzilla set in post-3/11 Japan. Rather than focusing on ordinary civillians like the original film, this movie focuses on the politicians and government bureaucrats who have to manage the crisis of a giant lizard suddenly appearing to wreck the Kanto region. The Godzilla in this looks pretty awesome, his final form is a truly awesome beast. I just wish that there were more stand alone rampage sequences. Also the ending sucks because the bureaucrats manage to stop Godzilla which is totally unrealistic, we all know the one thing pencil neck can't do is their own damn job. Also, the Evangelion battle music was a nice touch.
INSTANT REVIEW: Meteor (1979) 1/5
It takes its turn at being every kind of 70s action movie on the way to botching every conceivable scientific fact. Sean Connery would rather be sailing, and can you blame him? The poster is a lie, only miniatures get to go to outer space. Notable for depicting a direct hit on the World Trade Center. How insensitive! I demand 1979 apologize!
INSTANT REVIEW: Jail Bait (1954) 1/5
Ed Wood made this below-average noir five years before Plan 9. Disappointingly for a 21st century audience, this is not porno. At this time he still had professionals on-staff for lighting and sets. There is even one character who is deaf and dumb, meaning Wood did have quality standards for his talent. At least in 1954. Blackface vaudeville act featured at 16 minutes, and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe Wood was just friends with them??
I watched that movie "White Noise" since there was so much buzz about it from that Ohio situation. It was a garbage shit hole of a movie. I wanted my time back and hated it. Easily a 1/5 don't recommend never will watch again.
INSTANT REVIEW: White Buffalo (1977) 2/5
Charles Bronson, a nonchalant murderer of indigenous people, teams up with an indigenous man, who shares a love of murdering indigenous people, to do battle with a special effects buffalo. You can't say it didn't try something new.
INSTANT REVIEW: John Wick Chapter 4
Action scenes are great. The story is whack. Just another John Wick movie where Keanu Reeves is seemingly impervious to bullets, jumping out of 5 story buildings and being hit by cars. Pretty boring over all. They really need to stop making these movies. Also, Osama Bin Laden gets whacked by Keanu so… yeah. Tragic.
INSTANT REVIEW: Anything by Disney recently.
Crap.
INSTANT REVIEW: Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I (2023) (4/5)
A rogue AI doesn't do what it's best at (making three-armed sexy anime girls), but instead tries to take over the world. Tom Cruise has to jump off a lot of tall things in beautiful places about it. Never boring.
INSTANT REVIEW: Zardoz
Excellent style and rich philosophy that both get explored thoroughly.
INSTANT REVIEW: Paradise Now 8/10
Two buddies from the West Bank volunteer to become suicide bombers to escape their shitty lives and the threat of NEETdom, but the operation doesn't go according to plan when they get cold feet. There is a lot of bleak humor and black comedy and a few scenes where the characters give monologues about life under Israeli occupation which can come off as too preachy and forced for an otherwise subtle film.
INSTANT REVIEW:Shin Godzilla.
Just watched this movie and I thought it was great. It managed to make Godzilla unique and Anno put his own spin on it without really going into pure campy territory.
INSTANT REVIEW: Napoleon (2023) (2/5)
Another bad Hollywood biopic. Bad script, bad direction, bad acting. If you didn’t know anything about the Napoleonic wars, you’d probably never know what the hell’s going on in this movie. It’s all so uninspired and dull. Neither a personal tale about the awkward weirdo who became a conqueror, or a just series of battles and politics like your typical war film. Ridley Scott deserves an award, he somehow managed to make the battle of Austerlitz boring. The worst thing about the movie is the way it’s riled up all the Bonapartists online so they won’t stfu about it now.
INSTANT REVIEW: Sanjuro (1962) 4/5
How did I miss this gem? The only downside is the shorter runtime.
>Didn't quite enjoy it as much as the first one
Why? The first felt like starter. Didn't really get into the meat of the story and just felt disconnected. What is Christopher Walken even doing in these movies? He's mostly comatose throughout. I hate how they keep cutting back to Zendaya giving a disapproving look whenever Paul does anything wrong. Like the audience doesn't know already.
INSTANT REVIEW: Abigail 3/5
Cute loli who chews off people’s heads. The gore is nice and the mansion reminds you of Resident Evil 1 but the story and characters pretty lame and they drag up old vampire cliches. The pacing feels off too and there’s some dumb mind control shit and powers that don’t make sense. But it was nice seeing the dumb hacker girl who dresses like a Twitch streamer explode into a pile of blood and guts.