INSTANT REVIEW MOVIE THREAD (513)

1 Name: Couch Potato 05/01/29(Sat)10:54 ID:Heaven

INSTANT REVIEW : Closer

A movie about 4 people who know how to cheat on each other.

Natalie Portman still sucks at acting.

464 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-08-31 05:16 ID:tNhvuykf

Supposed to be (2016). That's one more swipe at this: it felt like this was would have been ground-breaking in the distant past.

465 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-04 01:27 ID:xjcHQwQt

[b]INSTANT REVIEW:[/b] The China Syndrome (1979) (4/5)

It's very exciting. Pro-nuclear power types might feel uneasy for obvious reasons, but the movie doesn't feel too hysterical in dealing with the subject matter and remains tense to the very end. I want to gush about the ending because I really liked it: particularly the bit in the control room - but instead I'll just SCRAM the review here to keep it short.

466 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-04 17:03 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: The Nice Guys (2016) (3/5)

One of the best buddy cop pictures in a long time with a great setting. Unfortunately, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen all the best parts. If you haven't, you're in luck!

467 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-16 04:25 ID:WK/eU9J4

INSTANT REVIEW: Limits Of Control (2009) (3/5)

Beautiful cinematography is the real highlight of a film that is slow with an insubstantial story.

468 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-22 17:40 ID:5h2qMXsR

INSTANT REVIEW: The Giver

Basically Brave New World with film tropes from Logan's Run to Pleasantville. Secret appearance by Taylor Swift!

469 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-10-16 03:15 ID:Heaven

INSTANT REVIEW: Citizen X (1995) (3/5)

It's a serial killer investigation with light gore set in the Soviet Union. I'm sold on that specific combination, but it's not actually very good. You can safely skip it despite the artificially high score.

470 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-11-19 15:44 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Doctor Strange (2016) (4/5)

It's like Iron Man with magic. Well, more magic, I guess. Not a fan of comic book stuff, but I had a good time.

471 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-12-03 09:42 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Arrival (2016) (4/5)

It's nice to see some genuinely interesting sci-fi, but there's a whole subplot I just don't understand. Like, ethically. I enjoyed the ride anyway.

472 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-12-16 07:13 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) (4/5)

Not a rehash, which is nice. Stunning visuals. It's really too bad George Lucas didn't sell out sooner. Destroy your copies of the prequels to increase the chances that they'll become apocryphal in the distant future.

473 Post deleted.

474 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-12-16 11:17 ID:tNhvuykf

apocryphal isn't the word I'm thinking of. A myth?

475 Name: gill : 2017-01-13 10:05 ID:4Oy8ja09

476 Name: Couch Potato : 2017-03-10 22:16 ID:pQYGiisb

INSTANT REVIEW: Logan (2017) (3/5)

Patrick Stewart brings his A-game to a B-movie. Probably the best Wolverine movie, but that's not exactly praise.

477 Name: Couch Potato : 2017-07-22 19:43 ID:pQYGiisb

INSTANT REVIEW: Dunkirk (2017) (2/5)

There was a man outside the theater playing guitar and not singing, but instead just screaming. That's an interesting artistic choice, but not a good one. Pretty much sums up this movie for me.

478 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-05-25 11:24 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (3/5)

No Rogue One, but it's still fun. Sassy bot is underplayed, if you were wondering. Also, may be the first Star Wars movie to make a convincing case for the empire being truly evil, which is coming awfully late for this series.

479 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-06-01 15:19 ID:clQNZ48E

INSTANT REVIEW:A Fine, Windy Day (1980)
is a 1980 South Korean film written and directed by Lee Jang-ho.

I always knew that basically South Korea is just a rich Uzbekistan. They don't have ANY kind of culture. The level of poverty is shocking, and unless you're a lawyer or a media tycoon, your life in this country would be pure hell. fuck korea

480 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-10-06 05:48 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Venom (2018) (2.5/5)
I just re-watched X-Men: Apocalypse and I bet I couldn't tell you anything about the plot. It'll be the same with this one. Fun in quotation marks full stop

481 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-12-07 23:23 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Cop Car (2015) (3/5)

Kevin Bacon should play a villain more often. He does creepy and unhinged really well. Totally worth included-with-purchase of whatever streaming service this was on.

482 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-09-28 23:43 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019) (3/5)

If you're sick and tired of those goddamned hippies, this is the movie for you! Hippie abuse abounds.

483 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-10-06 02:48 ID:PnPyLdaW

INSTANT REVIEW: Ad Astra (2019) (2/5)
Brad Pitt talks about his feelings. And I do mean he talks about them, because he doesn't act them.

484 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-10-16 01:45 ID:rWKohdDP

INSTANT REVIEW: Climax (2018) (2/5)
Shit gets fucked, no one learns anything. The soundtrack is cool, though.

485 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-10-23 14:40 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Joker (2019) (1/5)

Joaquin Phoenix is amazing, but that was previously established. The movie is dreary and uncomfortable with bits of dumb comic book lore pasted over it to make it all that much worse.

486 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-11-05 15:55 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019) (2/5)

Jay and Silent Bob never got their much-deserved sequel in outer space, so we have to suffer through this instead. There are a few jokes, but not enough to make this good.

487 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-12-22 00:20 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker (2019) (2/5)

You won't be bored at all. If you don't ask any questions at all, you'll have a good time. If you ask even one question, it's a mess. A complete mess.

488 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-12-22 04:53 ID:46ksnav6

>>487
Is there sound in space?

489 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-12-23 00:02 ID:WK4W159s

>>488
Tons. As always. A lot of spaceship battles take place in atmosphere in this one though, so that might be the ONE thing about this movie that makes sense! I found one! I found one!

490 Post deleted.

491 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-01-18 22:21 ID:gfuXoN91

INSTANT REVIEW: 1917 (2019) (3/5)
Scenic tour of the western front

492 Post deleted.

493 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-07-21 12:25 ID:fTWNzfwr

INSTANT REVIEW: Dead Within (2014) (2/5)

An extremely low-rent zombie apocalypse piece that mostly takes place in the formerly fashionable summer home of former yuppies. Now they're just crazed survivors like all who remain living. The best bits of this movie involve the poor selection of food/drink available to them six months later.

494 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-07-21 12:34 ID:fTWNzfwr

INSTANT REVIEW: The Water Diviner (2015) (3/5)

Russell Crowe's character goes looking for his dead sons in Gallipoli in 1919 using his divining powers, because that's real. He and his dead kids keep getting in the way of the real hero of the story: a grizzled Turkish officer who has a lot to say about those filthy Aussies invading his country.

495 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-07-27 23:15 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Pulgasari (2/5)

The North Korean answer to Godzilla. A lot of things got hurt by this project: actors, livestock, and the kaiju genre to name a few. Appears to star the Korean People's Army for some epic medieval battle scenes. Not against the monster, though. He's hardly in it.

496 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-09-12 16:05 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Nemesis (1992) (2.5/5)

It's about some good cyborgs battling evil cyborgs in the near future. Everyone is a heavily armored robot, so they take a lot of hits to go down. Their battles are completely ridiculous and involve aircraft cannons eventually. It's not good, but it's not boring.

497 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-12-31 00:12 ID:Heaven

i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

498 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-02-19 10:08 ID:FOukEb51

INSTANT REVIEW: News of the World (2021)

A very average, if not sub standard western flick starring Tom Hanks. His job in the old west is to go from town to town and read the newspaper to people for a few pennies. He finds an orphan girl and tries to find her family. The story is cliché, its full of woke themes like "white ppl bad", "we wuz injunz" and stuff about slavery even though it's completely irrelevant to the plot. There's a few good scenes, imo not worth watching but if you absolutely have to pick a new release from 2021, this might be the most watchable of the lot.

499 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-02-19 10:17 ID:FOukEb51

INSTANT REVIEW: Hi, Mom (2021) (你好,李焕英)

First in the box office in China. Back to the Future but it's a girl from 2021 thats sent back to 1981 and meet her mom and act as she was her distant cousin. Boring as fuck, everything is an excuse for displaying maosit propaganda.

500 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-03-09 10:22 ID:lFIWKM9W

Homeward (2020): The real dad was the friends we made along the way.

501 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-03-29 23:41 ID:v5phLnV/

INSTANT REVIEW: Gilmore Girls (2000 to 2007)
(I watched most of this show, but didn't finish watching all of the episodes yet.) I watched the first few seasons somewhat ironically as something to watch on Netflix while eating food. However, after watching the first 1, 2, or 3 seasons, it became a show that I don't just watch to-entertain-myself-while-eating. I watched plenty even when I wasn't eating. I like this show, more than I liked "Grey's Anatomy", which is a stupid show. If you cut out the interracial stuff "Gilmore Girls" is like a pro-white TV show maybe, which is neat. Thinking about the whole "women in film/TV" thing that cucks talk about, "Gilmore Girls" pulls it off well. "Gilmore Girls" might be in the feminist genre due to the female leads and business-owning sorta-entrepreneurial single mother lead character. Compare "Gilmore Girls" with "Grey's Anatomy" and you will see that in "Grey's Anatomy" the whole powerful-wimmin woman-strong feminism thing is really too on the nose and it is annoying if I remember correctly. With "Gilmore Girls" you will laugh sometimes, be sad at least once, and will find some of the stories to be interesting. I never really got into that show "Hannibal" (even after watching the entire TV show) but I did get "Gilmore Girls".

Also, last night I dreamt that Lorelai Gilmore and Rory Gilmore went next to a train station with two men. They went to a secluded sunny area near the train station. With the men behind them they simultaneously took their tops off and then presumably dropped their pants and panties. In the next scene in my dream they were both in the doggystyle position next to each other, with their asses facing the same direction. With each girl wearing a light shirt or a bra they were both getting fucked vaginally. Presumably they had their pants and panties under their knees/legs for comfort. At some point in this series of the scenes the girls might have been passionately kissing each other. Imagine that, while each of them has a cock inside them they are French kissing each other. The dream didn't make a lot of sense though because in the last scene they were on the floor of a train car which had fencing walls (as in you could sit in a seat and get a clear view of the passing scenery to your right with the wind in your hair) but no roof. The train car had other people in it who were sorta like "WTF?" Also, in the last scene, Lorelai was wearing her work clothing (clothes she wears at the inn that she works at) as a top even though she took her jacket off previously. While the dream didn't make a lot of sense it was still pretty cash to think about and gave me an erection. In the show Rory is a momma's girl, so devoid of common behavior it makes sense that she and her mother would have sex next to each other like wild girlfriends.

Lorelai is a sexy beautiful woman who has pretty eyes, though her personality might annoy me. Rory is a doll; she is cute, young, sexy, and beautiful, and she sorta seems to have her mother's eyes. While watching the first few seasons of "Gilmore Girls" I was think about how it would be great to have a sex robot which is almost perfectly of Rory's likeness. I would fuck it all the time. I also thought or fantasized about fuck teenage Rory while she is face/stomach down on her bed and completely nude. I never had sex as a teenager; I didn't really try, but I, as any other man, would still like to have sex with a teenager. Lorelai is a total MILF, but the the utter youthfulness in her appearance has been replaced by wrinkles or the features of a grown woman. Lorelai might be a great lay though, and that part in the show were she had sex with Christopher at the Independence Inn was quite romantic.

1/2

502 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-03-29 23:42 ID:v5phLnV/

>>501

I had that dream after watching that episode where the Gilmore girls became reunited after Rory moves out of Lane's place. I also previously saw this video on the Internet of people fucking on a bus that was striking, even if it was faked/staged. In the dream I think a man who might have been Luke was fucking Lorelai, and a young man (possibly Logan) was pounding Rory's pussy.

>>477
LOL
>>362
XD, wut?

--

Split into two parts - https://4-ch.net/tv/kareha.pl =
"Navigation: Return
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What if Rory and Lorelai 69'd each other. That would be hot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmYeA5mUIgo

captcha: yid

2/2

503 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-03-30 04:02 ID:g9oYus8p

a

504 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-03-30 04:02 ID:g9oYus8p

b

505 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-03-30 04:02 ID:g9oYus8p

c

506 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-03-31 21:48 ID:nHjDgDCH

> pounding Rory's pussy.

every time my eye glances over this I think it's about Rory Mercury until I read back

507 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-05-25 00:37 ID:W8v9tXMR

INSTANT REVIEW: Inland Empire (2006) (4.5/5)

Perfect Blue for your hipster movie buff friend. A combination of bizarre soundscapes, filming techniques, set pieces, and overlaid narratives that rarely coalesces into something that can be made sense of, but still manages to feel incredibly satisfying. Some Lynch exposure may be required before viewing. I agree with >>117

508 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-05-28 12:22 ID:W8v9tXMR

INSTANT REVIEW: The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) (3/5)

More of an action film than a horror film. Based (on a true story).

509 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-10-25 11:13 ID:W8v9tXMR

INSTANT REVIEW: Dune: Part 1 (2021) (4/5)

The Baron wasn't very evil and they paraphrased some of the iconic quotes but the thopters were actually cool & hearing The Voice in theatre was awesome.

510 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-11-15 17:13 ID:AREblQ3b

INSTANT REVIEW: The End of Evangelion (1997) (4/5)

They were showing this at my local theatre for some reason, no Japanese dub but everyone clapped and cheered when Shinji cummed.

511 Name: Couch Potato : 2022-02-03 09:54 ID:9Bl6+Y2n

>>510

>everyone clapped and cheered when Shinji cummed.

Fake and gay (literally).

512 Name: Couch Potato : 2022-05-28 16:22 ID:GHusBz7a

INSTANT REVIEW: Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) (4.5/5)

"An action-rich multiverse story about overcoming generational trauma and nihilism through the power of love", that's easy to not like if you can't relate or don't have enough patience for rapid random weird stuff to stick around for the payoff.

513 Name: Couch Potato : 2022-07-02 05:55 ID:jXEWZf/v

INSTANT REVIEW: Yojimbo (1961) (5/5)

Up there in the pantheon of "guy decides to fuck things up because why not". The most "on a whim" I've ever decided to watch a film and I was not disappointed. Good one, Jimbo.

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