INSTANT REVIEW MOVIE THREAD (499)

1 Name: Couch Potato 05/01/29(Sat)10:54 ID:Heaven

INSTANT REVIEW : Closer

A movie about 4 people who know how to cheat on each other.

Natalie Portman still sucks at acting.

450 Name: 705 : 2016-01-03 17:10 ID:lA5fB7QH

Twitter sighing and video of Tom in a restaurant, didn't see EO but then again maybe Tom got her a bigger purse to hide behind for Christmas.

451 Name: 705 : 2016-01-03 17:11 ID:lA5fB7QH

Oh sorry I posted that in the wrong thread.. Oops.

452 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-01-25 00:57 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: The Hateful Eight (2015) (4/5)

It's like The Mousetrap but with foul language and violence. Not sure why this had to be on 70mm film, since most of it takes place indoors (if you can call it indoors), but whatever.

453 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-02-27 05:14 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: The Big Short (2015) (5/5)

Everyone in Hollywood and Anthony Bourdain explain the 2008 banking crisis with a healthy spoonful of gallows humor. Financial thriller/comedy is a genre that needs expansion.

454 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-02-27 05:21 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Deadpool (2016) (3/5)

Not a fan of superhero stuff, but he's not much of a hero. Probably even funnier if you understand the comic book references. I had a good time.

455 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-02-27 07:11 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Hail, Caesar! (2016) (4/5)

If you've seen any movie from the 1950s, you'll understand. It's light on plot, but heavy on choreography. Like every movie from the 1950s, come to think of it.

456 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-03-25 06:12 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Batman vs. Superman (2016) (2/5)

I was contractually obligated to see this movie. Every character in this movie was contractually obligated to be there too. Ben Affleck's chin stars and written by some ten year-old, I'm guessing.

457 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-04-24 18:47 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Everest (2015) (2/5)

The story is basically everyone dies, one guy lives. It could have been fleshed out with some mountain climbing action, but it isn't.

458 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-06-15 15:57 ID:P55Uxe4t

INSTANT REVIEW: Warcraft (2016) (4/5)

A video game movie with pacing issues, giving much focus to characters of little to no importance. Looks pretty. Sounds pretty. Does not require knowledge of the video game before watching.

459 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-06-20 01:18 ID:lrAyR5FF

INSTANT REVIEW: Videodrome (1982) (4/5)

Deeply unsettling. The owner of a sleazy television station intercepts an extremely violent television broadcast from a satellite and finds himself involved in something much stranger than he bargained for. Existenz was a poor copy of this. Graphic sex, violence, sexual violence. Extremely unreliable narrator.

460 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-07-31 07:14 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Star Trek Beyond (2016) (3/5)

Fast & Furious In Space was too outlandish even for those guys, so instead they made this. It works. Maybe the odd-numbered ones will be the good ones this time around.

461 Name: Sosorry : 2016-08-20 02:39 ID:eJagjsHk

Tom just tweeted about vulnerable children in Africa. Admirable. I think he's trying to reclaim his prior image as a humanitarian/thespian. Let's light a candle that he can phase shift away from the relationship spectacle tabloid stories.

Tom Hiddleston Verified account 
‏@twhiddleston
This is very frightening. Child soldier "nightmare" could be imminent in South Sudan - UNICEF: http://tmsnrt.rs/2bBY0u1 @UNICEF_uk
5:19 PM - 19 Aug 2016

462 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-08-24 03:31 ID:iKrVJJmd

INSTANT REVIEW: The X-Files (Fight the Future) (1998) (5/5)

Plays out like an extended episode of The X-Files. If you like the X-Files, you'll love the movie too. If you've never seen it before, probably not the best introduction. Scully is cute as hell too. Lots of tundras. The return of the Black Oil.

463 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-08-31 05:14 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Don't Breathe (2015) (1/5)

It isn't scary enough to cover up the thin plot. The twist isn't enough to cover up the shallow characters. However, it does get this year's award for least-realistic HVAC system in cinema, which is good for a laugh.

464 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-08-31 05:16 ID:tNhvuykf

Supposed to be (2016). That's one more swipe at this: it felt like this was would have been ground-breaking in the distant past.

465 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-04 01:27 ID:xjcHQwQt

[b]INSTANT REVIEW:[/b] The China Syndrome (1979) (4/5)

It's very exciting. Pro-nuclear power types might feel uneasy for obvious reasons, but the movie doesn't feel too hysterical in dealing with the subject matter and remains tense to the very end. I want to gush about the ending because I really liked it: particularly the bit in the control room - but instead I'll just SCRAM the review here to keep it short.

466 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-04 17:03 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: The Nice Guys (2016) (3/5)

One of the best buddy cop pictures in a long time with a great setting. Unfortunately, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen all the best parts. If you haven't, you're in luck!

467 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-16 04:25 ID:WK/eU9J4

INSTANT REVIEW: Limits Of Control (2009) (3/5)

Beautiful cinematography is the real highlight of a film that is slow with an insubstantial story.

468 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-09-22 17:40 ID:5h2qMXsR

INSTANT REVIEW: The Giver

Basically Brave New World with film tropes from Logan's Run to Pleasantville. Secret appearance by Taylor Swift!

469 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-10-16 03:15 ID:Heaven

INSTANT REVIEW: Citizen X (1995) (3/5)

It's a serial killer investigation with light gore set in the Soviet Union. I'm sold on that specific combination, but it's not actually very good. You can safely skip it despite the artificially high score.

470 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-11-19 15:44 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Doctor Strange (2016) (4/5)

It's like Iron Man with magic. Well, more magic, I guess. Not a fan of comic book stuff, but I had a good time.

471 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-12-03 09:42 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Arrival (2016) (4/5)

It's nice to see some genuinely interesting sci-fi, but there's a whole subplot I just don't understand. Like, ethically. I enjoyed the ride anyway.

472 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-12-16 07:13 ID:tNhvuykf

INSTANT REVIEW: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) (4/5)

Not a rehash, which is nice. Stunning visuals. It's really too bad George Lucas didn't sell out sooner. Destroy your copies of the prequels to increase the chances that they'll become apocryphal in the distant future.

473 Post deleted.

474 Name: Couch Potato : 2016-12-16 11:17 ID:tNhvuykf

apocryphal isn't the word I'm thinking of. A myth?

475 Name: gill : 2017-01-13 10:05 ID:4Oy8ja09

476 Name: Couch Potato : 2017-03-10 22:16 ID:pQYGiisb

INSTANT REVIEW: Logan (2017) (3/5)

Patrick Stewart brings his A-game to a B-movie. Probably the best Wolverine movie, but that's not exactly praise.

477 Name: Couch Potato : 2017-07-22 19:43 ID:pQYGiisb

INSTANT REVIEW: Dunkirk (2017) (2/5)

There was a man outside the theater playing guitar and not singing, but instead just screaming. That's an interesting artistic choice, but not a good one. Pretty much sums up this movie for me.

478 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-05-25 11:24 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (3/5)

No Rogue One, but it's still fun. Sassy bot is underplayed, if you were wondering. Also, may be the first Star Wars movie to make a convincing case for the empire being truly evil, which is coming awfully late for this series.

479 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-06-01 15:19 ID:clQNZ48E

INSTANT REVIEW:A Fine, Windy Day (1980)
is a 1980 South Korean film written and directed by Lee Jang-ho.

I always knew that basically South Korea is just a rich Uzbekistan. They don't have ANY kind of culture. The level of poverty is shocking, and unless you're a lawyer or a media tycoon, your life in this country would be pure hell. fuck korea

480 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-10-06 05:48 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Venom (2018) (2.5/5)
I just re-watched X-Men: Apocalypse and I bet I couldn't tell you anything about the plot. It'll be the same with this one. Fun in quotation marks full stop

481 Name: Couch Potato : 2018-12-07 23:23 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Cop Car (2015) (3/5)

Kevin Bacon should play a villain more often. He does creepy and unhinged really well. Totally worth included-with-purchase of whatever streaming service this was on.

482 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-09-28 23:43 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019) (3/5)

If you're sick and tired of those goddamned hippies, this is the movie for you! Hippie abuse abounds.

483 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-10-06 02:48 ID:PnPyLdaW

INSTANT REVIEW: Ad Astra (2019) (2/5)
Brad Pitt talks about his feelings. And I do mean he talks about them, because he doesn't act them.

484 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-10-16 01:45 ID:rWKohdDP

INSTANT REVIEW: Climax (2018) (2/5)
Shit gets fucked, no one learns anything. The soundtrack is cool, though.

485 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-10-23 14:40 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Joker (2019) (1/5)

Joaquin Phoenix is amazing, but that was previously established. The movie is dreary and uncomfortable with bits of dumb comic book lore pasted over it to make it all that much worse.

486 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-11-05 15:55 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019) (2/5)

Jay and Silent Bob never got their much-deserved sequel in outer space, so we have to suffer through this instead. There are a few jokes, but not enough to make this good.

487 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-12-22 00:20 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker (2019) (2/5)

You won't be bored at all. If you don't ask any questions at all, you'll have a good time. If you ask even one question, it's a mess. A complete mess.

488 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-12-22 04:53 ID:46ksnav6

>>487
Is there sound in space?

489 Name: Couch Potato : 2019-12-23 00:02 ID:WK4W159s

>>488
Tons. As always. A lot of spaceship battles take place in atmosphere in this one though, so that might be the ONE thing about this movie that makes sense! I found one! I found one!

490 Post deleted.

491 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-01-18 22:21 ID:gfuXoN91

INSTANT REVIEW: 1917 (2019) (3/5)
Scenic tour of the western front

492 Post deleted.

493 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-07-21 12:25 ID:fTWNzfwr

INSTANT REVIEW: Dead Within (2014) (2/5)

An extremely low-rent zombie apocalypse piece that mostly takes place in the formerly fashionable summer home of former yuppies. Now they're just crazed survivors like all who remain living. The best bits of this movie involve the poor selection of food/drink available to them six months later.

494 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-07-21 12:34 ID:fTWNzfwr

INSTANT REVIEW: The Water Diviner (2015) (3/5)

Russell Crowe's character goes looking for his dead sons in Gallipoli in 1919 using his divining powers, because that's real. He and his dead kids keep getting in the way of the real hero of the story: a grizzled Turkish officer who has a lot to say about those filthy Aussies invading his country.

495 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-07-27 23:15 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Pulgasari (2/5)

The North Korean answer to Godzilla. A lot of things got hurt by this project: actors, livestock, and the kaiju genre to name a few. Appears to star the Korean People's Army for some epic medieval battle scenes. Not against the monster, though. He's hardly in it.

496 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-09-12 16:05 ID:WK4W159s

INSTANT REVIEW: Nemesis (1992) (2.5/5)

It's about some good cyborgs battling evil cyborgs in the near future. Everyone is a heavily armored robot, so they take a lot of hits to go down. Their battles are completely ridiculous and involve aircraft cannons eventually. It's not good, but it's not boring.

497 Name: Couch Potato : 2020-12-31 00:12 ID:Heaven

i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

498 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-02-19 10:08 ID:FOukEb51

INSTANT REVIEW: News of the World (2021)

A very average, if not sub standard western flick starring Tom Hanks. His job in the old west is to go from town to town and read the newspaper to people for a few pennies. He finds an orphan girl and tries to find her family. The story is cliché, its full of woke themes like "white ppl bad", "we wuz injunz" and stuff about slavery even though it's completely irrelevant to the plot. There's a few good scenes, imo not worth watching but if you absolutely have to pick a new release from 2021, this might be the most watchable of the lot.

499 Name: Couch Potato : 2021-02-19 10:17 ID:FOukEb51

INSTANT REVIEW: Hi, Mom (2021) (你好,李焕英)

First in the box office in China. Back to the Future but it's a girl from 2021 thats sent back to 1981 and meet her mom and act as she was her distant cousin. Boring as fuck, everything is an excuse for displaying maosit propaganda.

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