INSTANT REVIEW : Closer
A movie about 4 people who know how to cheat on each other.
Natalie Portman still sucks at acting.
INSTANT REVIEW: Elysium (2013) (3/5)
Character motivation? Not found. Sci-fi melodrama? 16,653 matches found! It's like District 9, but not as good.
INSTANT REVIEW: Philomena (2013) (5/5)
Posters make it look like a comedy. It isn't. Basically, exhibit #1,304,222 in the case against the Catholic Church in Ireland fifty years ago. It's really good.
INSTANT REVIEW: How I Live Now (2013) (3/5)
A teenage romance meets Mad Max. Sort of. A vapid teenaged POV of the end of the world, which is kind of interesting, because who cares what adults think? They're old and lame. Fuck you mom and dad. Almost worth it.
INSTANT REVIEW: Dallas Buyers Club (2013) (5/5)
The early history of AIDS is fascinating and you should care about it. Matthew McConaughey thought so much of it, he damn near killed himself through starvation for his role in this film.
INSTANT REVIEW: Moneyball (2011) (4/5)
You can't buy your way to the baseball playoffs. Oh wait, yes you can. But you can also, math/autism your way into it too. If you don't like sports, don't bother.
INSTANT REVIEW: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) (2/5)
Pretty much like Star Trek III: it advances the plot in important ways, but overall, it sucks.
INSTANT REVIEW: Terminator: Salvation (2009) (3/5)
Given the track record of the series, better than you'd expect. There sure are a lot of beautiful people with perfect teeth, given society collapsed 15 years ago...
INSTANT REVIEW: Children Underground (2001) (4/5)
If I commit suicide in the next week, you can go ahead and blame this movie. Jesus Christ...
INSTANT REVIEW: The Baader Meinhof Complex (2008) (4/5)
Remember when there were left-wing Palestinian terrorist organizations? Me neither, but this drama about leftist German terrorists is pretty good.
INSTANT REVIEW: God Bless America (2011) (4/5)
If you chose to read this thread rather than watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey, you'll probably like this.
INSTANT REVIEW: Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001) (3/5)
An nice little film adaptation of an off-broadway musical about a tranny before being a tranny became passé and rolleyes. I especially like the part about East German gummy bears.
INSTANT REVIEW: Munich (2005) (4/5)
Thinking of messing with Israel? Here's why you shouldn't. Mossad don't give a fuck.
INSTANT REVIEW: Walk on Water (2004) (4/5)
Mossad continues to not give a fuck. Murders dudes in their 90s for relatively minor war crimes (is there such a thing?). Nice settings/cinematography.
INSTANT REVIEW: Dredd (2012) (2/5)
Better than the '95 version, but mostly it's murder porn. If any movie of late deserved an NC-17 for violence, it's this one. Has it's moments, but these are interrupted by fountains of blood.
INSTANT REVIEW: Nebraska (2013) (5/5)
My only gripe is that it's in black and white. Otherwise, excellent. Watch it!
INSTANT REVIEW: Attack the Block (2011) (3/5)
Would probably be better if I could understand what they're saying. If you like low-class urban English accents, here's the horror-comedy you've been waiting for. Americans: watch with subtitles.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) (3/5)
A weak showing by Wes Anderson, but still quite good if you like his work. Ralph Fiennes can do comedy too, turns out.
INSTANT REVIEW: Interstellar (2014) (4/5)
High concepts, beautiful filmmaking, and Matthew McConaughey IN SPACE. It'll get you thinking. Pretty good.
INSTANT REVIEW: Silver Linings Playbook (2012) (3/5)
Has some good performances. De Niro being De Niro is a bit distracting, though. Trigger warning: dance competition.
INSTANT REVIEW: Grey Gardens (1975) (2/5)
Those harpies shouting EDITH! at one another from across their dilapidated mansion will be the only thing you'll hear in your nightmares for weeks. Groundbreaking and often referenced in popular culture, but not worth it.
INSTANT REVIEW: Upstream Color (2013) (3/5)
At-times inept dialog and sound mixing balanced out by a mind-blowing concept and a unique visual presentation.
INSTANT REVIEW: Lincoln (2012) (3/5)
A fine piece of American propaganda that will only appeal to Americans. Basically a good way to string together clever anecdotes about Lincoln. Foreigners won't even know who that is.
INSTANT REVIEW: Looper (2012) (4/5)
This review is nearly three years late, so I'll just go ahead and spoil it: if more than one time traveler tries to kill you kid, you can safely assume your kid is Future Hitler.
INSTANT REVIEW: Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) (3/5)
Dumb as hell, but shot in an interesting way. If the trailer from Grindhouse appealed to you, you'll probably get a kick out of it.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Rover (2014) (3/5)
Another pointless plot that could have been cleared up with this new thing they have called "wroting" or whatever it's called. Gains points mostly for its cool dystopian setting and proving that the male lead from those teenage vampire movies can actually act.
Read the entire thread from top to bottom. Good job.
>reads tread
> all posts sound the like same cancer
> are the same cancer
>>439
I think you're the one who's the cancer here, buddy.
INSTANT REVIEW: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) (4/5)
This series keeps increasing the action somehow. Given that, I can only assume the next one will cause half of all otherwise healthy adults viewing it to drop dead from heart attacks. JESUS.
INSTANT REVIEW: Shoot 'Em Up (2007) (2.5/5)
I'm left wondering how one trains for skydiving gun battles and why you'd have so many people qualified to do so on staff. The rest of the movie is entirely plausible, of course.
INSTANT REVIEW: Coherence (2013) (3/5)
Every character in this is so insufferable you'll be hoping something bad will happen to them. You won't be disappointed. A nice little low-budget mind-fuck.
INSTANT REVIEW: Spectre (2015) (4/5)
It's like they have a checklist of types of fights to have in the movie: fist, gun, knife, etc. That got mixed up with their list of cool vehicles to include somehow. You won't be bored.
Twitter sighing and video of Tom in a restaurant, didn't see EO but then again maybe Tom got her a bigger purse to hide behind for Christmas.
Oh sorry I posted that in the wrong thread.. Oops.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Hateful Eight (2015) (4/5)
It's like The Mousetrap but with foul language and violence. Not sure why this had to be on 70mm film, since most of it takes place indoors (if you can call it indoors), but whatever.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Big Short (2015) (5/5)
Everyone in Hollywood and Anthony Bourdain explain the 2008 banking crisis with a healthy spoonful of gallows humor. Financial thriller/comedy is a genre that needs expansion.
INSTANT REVIEW: Deadpool (2016) (3/5)
Not a fan of superhero stuff, but he's not much of a hero. Probably even funnier if you understand the comic book references. I had a good time.
INSTANT REVIEW: Hail, Caesar! (2016) (4/5)
If you've seen any movie from the 1950s, you'll understand. It's light on plot, but heavy on choreography. Like every movie from the 1950s, come to think of it.
INSTANT REVIEW: Batman vs. Superman (2016) (2/5)
I was contractually obligated to see this movie. Every character in this movie was contractually obligated to be there too. Ben Affleck's chin stars and written by some ten year-old, I'm guessing.
INSTANT REVIEW: Everest (2015) (2/5)
The story is basically everyone dies, one guy lives. It could have been fleshed out with some mountain climbing action, but it isn't.
INSTANT REVIEW: Warcraft (2016) (4/5)
A video game movie with pacing issues, giving much focus to characters of little to no importance. Looks pretty. Sounds pretty. Does not require knowledge of the video game before watching.
INSTANT REVIEW: Star Trek Beyond (2016) (3/5)
Fast & Furious In Space was too outlandish even for those guys, so instead they made this. It works. Maybe the odd-numbered ones will be the good ones this time around.
Tom just tweeted about vulnerable children in Africa. Admirable. I think he's trying to reclaim his prior image as a humanitarian/thespian. Let's light a candle that he can phase shift away from the relationship spectacle tabloid stories.
Tom Hiddleston Verified account
@twhiddleston
This is very frightening. Child soldier "nightmare" could be imminent in South Sudan - UNICEF: http://tmsnrt.rs/2bBY0u1 @UNICEF_uk
5:19 PM - 19 Aug 2016
INSTANT REVIEW: The X-Files (Fight the Future) (1998) (5/5)
Plays out like an extended episode of The X-Files. If you like the X-Files, you'll love the movie too. If you've never seen it before, probably not the best introduction. Scully is cute as hell too. Lots of tundras. The return of the Black Oil.
INSTANT REVIEW: Don't Breathe (2015) (1/5)
It isn't scary enough to cover up the thin plot. The twist isn't enough to cover up the shallow characters. However, it does get this year's award for least-realistic HVAC system in cinema, which is good for a laugh.
Supposed to be (2016). That's one more swipe at this: it felt like this was would have been ground-breaking in the distant past.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Nice Guys (2016) (3/5)
One of the best buddy cop pictures in a long time with a great setting. Unfortunately, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen all the best parts. If you haven't, you're in luck!
INSTANT REVIEW: Limits Of Control (2009) (3/5)
Beautiful cinematography is the real highlight of a film that is slow with an insubstantial story.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Giver
Basically Brave New World with film tropes from Logan's Run to Pleasantville. Secret appearance by Taylor Swift!
INSTANT REVIEW: Doctor Strange (2016) (4/5)
It's like Iron Man with magic. Well, more magic, I guess. Not a fan of comic book stuff, but I had a good time.
INSTANT REVIEW: Arrival (2016) (4/5)
It's nice to see some genuinely interesting sci-fi, but there's a whole subplot I just don't understand. Like, ethically. I enjoyed the ride anyway.
INSTANT REVIEW: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) (4/5)
Not a rehash, which is nice. Stunning visuals. It's really too bad George Lucas didn't sell out sooner. Destroy your copies of the prequels to increase the chances that they'll become apocryphal in the distant future.
apocryphal isn't the word I'm thinking of. A myth?
INSTANT REVIEW: Logan (2017) (3/5)
Patrick Stewart brings his A-game to a B-movie. Probably the best Wolverine movie, but that's not exactly praise.
INSTANT REVIEW: Dunkirk (2017) (2/5)
There was a man outside the theater playing guitar and not singing, but instead just screaming. That's an interesting artistic choice, but not a good one. Pretty much sums up this movie for me.
INSTANT REVIEW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (3/5)
No Rogue One, but it's still fun. Sassy bot is underplayed, if you were wondering. Also, may be the first Star Wars movie to make a convincing case for the empire being truly evil, which is coming awfully late for this series.
INSTANT REVIEW:A Fine, Windy Day (1980)
is a 1980 South Korean film written and directed by Lee Jang-ho.
I always knew that basically South Korea is just a rich Uzbekistan. They don't have ANY kind of culture. The level of poverty is shocking, and unless you're a lawyer or a media tycoon, your life in this country would be pure hell. fuck korea
INSTANT REVIEW: Venom (2018) (2.5/5)
I just re-watched X-Men: Apocalypse and I bet I couldn't tell you anything about the plot. It'll be the same with this one. Fun in quotation marks full stop
INSTANT REVIEW: Cop Car (2015) (3/5)
Kevin Bacon should play a villain more often. He does creepy and unhinged really well. Totally worth included-with-purchase of whatever streaming service this was on.
INSTANT REVIEW: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019) (3/5)
If you're sick and tired of those goddamned hippies, this is the movie for you! Hippie abuse abounds.
INSTANT REVIEW: Ad Astra (2019) (2/5)
Brad Pitt talks about his feelings. And I do mean he talks about them, because he doesn't act them.
INSTANT REVIEW: Climax (2018) (2/5)
Shit gets fucked, no one learns anything. The soundtrack is cool, though.
INSTANT REVIEW: Joker (2019) (1/5)
Joaquin Phoenix is amazing, but that was previously established. The movie is dreary and uncomfortable with bits of dumb comic book lore pasted over it to make it all that much worse.
INSTANT REVIEW: Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019) (2/5)
Jay and Silent Bob never got their much-deserved sequel in outer space, so we have to suffer through this instead. There are a few jokes, but not enough to make this good.
INSTANT REVIEW: Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker (2019) (2/5)
You won't be bored at all. If you don't ask any questions at all, you'll have a good time. If you ask even one question, it's a mess. A complete mess.
>>488
Tons. As always. A lot of spaceship battles take place in atmosphere in this one though, so that might be the ONE thing about this movie that makes sense! I found one! I found one!
INSTANT REVIEW: 1917 (2019) (3/5)
Scenic tour of the western front
INSTANT REVIEW: Dead Within (2014) (2/5)
An extremely low-rent zombie apocalypse piece that mostly takes place in the formerly fashionable summer home of former yuppies. Now they're just crazed survivors like all who remain living. The best bits of this movie involve the poor selection of food/drink available to them six months later.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Water Diviner (2015) (3/5)
Russell Crowe's character goes looking for his dead sons in Gallipoli in 1919 using his divining powers, because that's real. He and his dead kids keep getting in the way of the real hero of the story: a grizzled Turkish officer who has a lot to say about those filthy Aussies invading his country.
INSTANT REVIEW: Pulgasari (2/5)
The North Korean answer to Godzilla. A lot of things got hurt by this project: actors, livestock, and the kaiju genre to name a few. Appears to star the Korean People's Army for some epic medieval battle scenes. Not against the monster, though. He's hardly in it.
INSTANT REVIEW: Nemesis (1992) (2.5/5)
It's about some good cyborgs battling evil cyborgs in the near future. Everyone is a heavily armored robot, so they take a lot of hits to go down. Their battles are completely ridiculous and involve aircraft cannons eventually. It's not good, but it's not boring.
i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
INSTANT REVIEW: News of the World (2021)
A very average, if not sub standard western flick starring Tom Hanks. His job in the old west is to go from town to town and read the newspaper to people for a few pennies. He finds an orphan girl and tries to find her family. The story is cliché, its full of woke themes like "white ppl bad", "we wuz injunz" and stuff about slavery even though it's completely irrelevant to the plot. There's a few good scenes, imo not worth watching but if you absolutely have to pick a new release from 2021, this might be the most watchable of the lot.
INSTANT REVIEW: Hi, Mom (2021) (你好，李焕英)
First in the box office in China. Back to the Future but it's a girl from 2021 thats sent back to 1981 and meet her mom and act as she was her distant cousin. Boring as fuck, everything is an excuse for displaying maosit propaganda.
Homeward (2020): The real dad was the friends we made along the way.
INSTANT REVIEW: Gilmore Girls (2000 to 2007)
(I watched most of this show, but didn't finish watching all of the episodes yet.) I watched the first few seasons somewhat ironically as something to watch on Netflix while eating food. However, after watching the first 1, 2, or 3 seasons, it became a show that I don't just watch to-entertain-myself-while-eating. I watched plenty even when I wasn't eating. I like this show, more than I liked "Grey's Anatomy", which is a stupid show. If you cut out the interracial stuff "Gilmore Girls" is like a pro-white TV show maybe, which is neat. Thinking about the whole "women in film/TV" thing that cucks talk about, "Gilmore Girls" pulls it off well. "Gilmore Girls" might be in the feminist genre due to the female leads and business-owning sorta-entrepreneurial single mother lead character. Compare "Gilmore Girls" with "Grey's Anatomy" and you will see that in "Grey's Anatomy" the whole powerful-wimmin woman-strong feminism thing is really too on the nose and it is annoying if I remember correctly. With "Gilmore Girls" you will laugh sometimes, be sad at least once, and will find some of the stories to be interesting. I never really got into that show "Hannibal" (even after watching the entire TV show) but I did get "Gilmore Girls".
Also, last night I dreamt that Lorelai Gilmore and Rory Gilmore went next to a train station with two men. They went to a secluded sunny area near the train station. With the men behind them they simultaneously took their tops off and then presumably dropped their pants and panties. In the next scene in my dream they were both in the doggystyle position next to each other, with their asses facing the same direction. With each girl wearing a light shirt or a bra they were both getting fucked vaginally. Presumably they had their pants and panties under their knees/legs for comfort. At some point in this series of the scenes the girls might have been passionately kissing each other. Imagine that, while each of them has a cock inside them they are French kissing each other. The dream didn't make a lot of sense though because in the last scene they were on the floor of a train car which had fencing walls (as in you could sit in a seat and get a clear view of the passing scenery to your right with the wind in your hair) but no roof. The train car had other people in it who were sorta like "WTF?" Also, in the last scene, Lorelai was wearing her work clothing (clothes she wears at the inn that she works at) as a top even though she took her jacket off previously. While the dream didn't make a lot of sense it was still pretty cash to think about and gave me an erection. In the show Rory is a momma's girl, so devoid of common behavior it makes sense that she and her mother would have sex next to each other like wild girlfriends.
Lorelai is a sexy beautiful woman who has pretty eyes, though her personality might annoy me. Rory is a doll; she is cute, young, sexy, and beautiful, and she sorta seems to have her mother's eyes. While watching the first few seasons of "Gilmore Girls" I was think about how it would be great to have a sex robot which is almost perfectly of Rory's likeness. I would fuck it all the time. I also thought or fantasized about fuck teenage Rory while she is face/stomach down on her bed and completely nude. I never had sex as a teenager; I didn't really try, but I, as any other man, would still like to have sex with a teenager. Lorelai is a total MILF, but the the utter youthfulness in her appearance has been replaced by wrinkles or the features of a grown woman. Lorelai might be a great lay though, and that part in the show were she had sex with Christopher at the Independence Inn was quite romantic.
1/2
I had that dream after watching that episode where the Gilmore girls became reunited after Rory moves out of Lane's place. I also previously saw this video on the Internet of people fucking on a bus that was striking, even if it was faked/staged. In the dream I think a man who might have been Luke was fucking Lorelai, and a young man (possibly Logan) was pounding Rory's pussy.
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What if Rory and Lorelai 69'd each other. That would be hot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmYeA5mUIgo
captcha: yid
2/2
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> pounding Rory's pussy.
every time my eye glances over this I think it's about Rory Mercury until I read back
INSTANT REVIEW: Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) (4.5/5)
"An action-rich multiverse story about overcoming generational trauma and nihilism through the power of love", that's easy to not like if you can't relate or don't have enough patience for rapid random weird stuff to stick around for the payoff.