( ´ω`) 2 tbsp beer
( ´ω`) 1/8 tsp Worcestershire sauce

( ´ω`) preheat oven to 375
( ´ω`) Mix ingredients until well-grated.

( ´ω`) remove linguini from squid, serve

( ・ω・) Billiards!

(・∀・) Grandpa, why do your cookies smell of bitter almonds?

( ´ω`) Ancient Chinese proverb:

( ´ω`) Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient
( ´ω`) You should not ask about the secret ingredient.

( ´ω`) But since you asked nicely, the secret ingredient is bitter almonds.

(・∀・) Grandpa, that's Oompa Loompa, not Chinese.

( ´ω`) Didn't you know? Every Chinese person is just two Oompa Loompas on top of each other, with the top wearing heavy make-up. They are plotting to fill the pacific with delicious chocolate.

( ´ω`) Anyone who runs is a VC. Anyone who stands still is a well disciplined VC.

( ・ω・) You play Valkyria Chronicles too?

( ・ω・) Jawsome! You're my new bestest bestest buddy.

( ・ω・) I like Alicia.

( ´ω`) I spent my mortal life working a rice stand for this...?

[´ɯ`] Life? Don't talk to me about life.

( ಠωಠ) I see what you did there.

( ・-・) ...

(・∀・) Grandpa, what's this thread really about?

( ´ω`) This thread is now about GRANDPA.

( ´ω`) Grandpa grandpa grandpa grandpa.

(・∀・) Grandpa, when did the first conspiracy ever get started?

( ´ω`) When God crapped out the third caveman.

[ ´ɯ`] You were the second caveman. You should know. Beep boop.

(( ´ω`) Yeah, we fucked up 3's shit good.

(・∀・) Grandpa, when will this thread finally die a peaceful death?

( ´ﾟωﾟ`) wｈen ｙｏu stｏp aｓkｉｎg ｕｓｅｌｅｓs ｑuｅstｉons ａnd lｅt m ｅ dｉeｅｅeｅｅｅｅeeｅeｅe

(・∀・) Well, that's going to be a problem, because I'm young and bursting with short questions!

( ´ω`) Go read a book, then.

(・∀・) What's a "book"?

( ´ω`) It's what we used to read before the Internet

( ´ω`) A sort of nonvolatile storage medium, you see.

( ´ω`) Better than scrolls like MP3s are better than tape.

(・∀・) GRANDPA! This is 1993! The only people who know what MP3s are basically huge nerds!

( ´ω`) You kids and your eight track...!

(・∀・) GRANDPA! What gender is beady-eyes?

　　　　 ,.-.、
　　　 / .／　_,..-、
　　　 i /__／,..--,i　
　　., ' ｀　　´ヽ、
　　i <ノルﾚﾉﾙ'　　　　　
　　i　!i；・-・)!|. 　 I'm more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever have.
　　| /,ﾘ_'Y_rつ
　　'i'<,i__i,」ﾘ.　
　　　 .!,ﾝｲﾉ

( ´ﾟ-ﾟ`) feels electric, POSSESSED by the JOY of LUCIFER, oh my goodness such an amazing RUSH, now I can WRITE and WRITE and WRITE about HIS glory, HIS splendor, oh yess, I feel like I never have to sleep again yes yes yes yes yes... yes yes yes pills pills pills pills pills pills pills pills

( ´ﾟ-・`) Allow me to explain. This afternoon, Dave came home, wide eyed and bright red. He was clutching a crinkled grocery bag in his hands, which looked like it was full of candy and breath mints.

( ´ﾟ-・`) Naturally, I inquired as to his current state and to the contents of the bag, as well. He hissed and hit me in the face with his palm. I was stunned. Dave then violently grabbed my head and shoved a handful of multicolored tablets into my mouth.

( ´ﾟ-・`) He hissed some more, covered my mouth with his strong hands, and plugged my nose. I had no choice but to swallow. He then lept up off of me and started laughing hysterically. I, obviously shaken, looked up at Dave and saw, for the first time in my love, a truly divine creature.

( ´ﾟ-・`) Imbued with the power of creation; t he violence, the fury, the chaotic heat of a star in full blaze. I realized then that MAN is GOD if he CHOOSES to BE and to EAT the PILLS that will MAKE HIM THE NEW GOD.

( ´ﾟ-・`) AND THE NEW GOD, THE GREAT REBEL OF THE AGES, SATAN, SATAN, SATAN ARISES.

( ◕ ヮ◕) Dave's not here, man!

( ◕ ヮ◕) It's a philisophical question, I think. If I swallow them, are they really still "yours" in any sense of the word? In a convulsive jingling of heavenly bells the realization comes to me that all of creation is mine to do with as I will. I. AM. THE. NEW. GOD.

MY GODPILLS! NOT YOURS! BAD!
　　　 ∧__∧　 ∩
　　　（,,´ω`)彡☆
　　　　⊂彡☆))ヮ◕) ha ha ha hoo hoo hoo
　　　　　☆

( ◕ω◕) Whoa, contact buzz.

( ´ω`) Good idea. It'll take a good haymaker like Dr. Aldrin's to show this fella who's boss.

( ◕ ヮ◕) Erections lasting over 4 hours should be treated by a doctor? What for? This boner of mine is awesome!

(・∀・) Grandpa, where can I get a good deal in a Christian atmosphere?

( ´ω`) Definitely not here on Earth.

(・∀・) Grandpa, who am us anyway?

( ・ω・) We're one of you.
( ・ω・) And you're one of us, I think.
( ・ω・) Maybe.
( ・ω・) Possibly.

[ ´ɯ`] Beep boop.

( ´ω`) Watch your fucking language.

My grandpa's are alive. You must leave now!

( ´ω`) Well la dee dah!

[ ´ɯ`] And fiddle-dee-dee. Beep boop.

(・Ａ・) GRANDPA WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO OLD

( l ‿ l ) Is grandpa dead? Hey, wake up grandpa!

( ´ω`) You interrupted a fantastic dream.

( ´ω`) A fantastic dream in which I was dead.

( ´ω`) And you were all crying boo hoo at my funeral and I was looking down on all you saps and laughing my angelic head off.

(・∀・) me too, Grandpa?

(・∀・) was I in your dream?

( ´ω`) No.

(・∀・) Awwwww.

( ´ω`) ...Tanasinn....

(・∀・) You wanna fight bitch? Huh? Huh? Let's go, let's fucking do this.

ξ(✿ ＞◡❛)ξ▄︻▇▇〓〓 Tiro Finale! =====#∀・)

(・∀・) Grandpa what was life before grief seed and being granted your wish and all?

( ´ω`) I used to be a little girl.

(・∀・) ...
(・∀・) ...
(・∀・) Mootpa?

( ´ω`) I wished for 4chan.

( ´ω`) I got 4-ch.

( ´ω`) Went all Homura on his ass.

both of mine dead without meet woe

( ´ω`) There is only one vidya game, and its name is NINTENDA.

( ´ω`) And y'all kids better be playin NINTENDA on the NINTENDA.

(・∀・) That's what I INTENDA.

(・∀・) Who told you that you can stick NINTENDAGE into the NINTENDA, grandpa-san? You can't stick anything into the Game&Watch, you know!

( ´ω`) When I was a bit older than you, youngster, I found out the hard way that the best place to carry a concealed NINTENDA is between bumcheeks.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧: Shazam! Nintenda!

(ﾉ´ω`)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧: Yowza.

(・∀ﾟ) ARE YOU A WIZZARD?

(・∀・) Grandpa, what was DQN like before it turned into mostly shitty chat threads?

( ´ω`) Mostly shitty ITTs and character threads.

( ´ω`) I remember when things were different at that one time in that one place.

( ´ﾟωﾟ`) Where am I?!

(・∀・) You're in VIP, Grandpa dude.

( ´ﾟωﾟ`) ＢＹ ＴＨＥ ＧＲＡＣＥ ＯＦ ＧＯＤＳ ＡＮＤ ＦＡＴＥ， Ｉ ＡＭ ＮＥＲＥＶＡＲ ＲＥＢＯＲＮ

(・∀・) Did you remember to slaughter all the Great Houses now that you no longer need them?

( ´ﾟωﾟ`) MUTHERSERA

[´ɯ`] what is LOVE? beep beep beep

(・∀・) Grandpa, what was life like before you became a creeper?

( ・-・) H-hey! Ask me something.

( ´ﾟωﾟ`) Suck my cawk

( ・-・) Chicken Butt! HAHAHAHAHAHA

(・∀・) Hey, gramps, did you watch Dragon Ball on-going?

( ´ﾟωﾟ`) Unlike you I went out and snapped the neck of every gook I could lay my hands on.

(・∀・) Grandpa, what's a gook? It sounds tasty.

( ´ﾟωﾟ`) A gook is a freshly roasted yellow man, and yes, it is quite tasty.

( ´ω`) I don't mean to generalizhe, but all women are bashtards.

(・∀・) Grandpa, if it's true that you froze your ass off in the Winter of '92, why do you still have your ass?

( ´ω`) I do not "still" have my ass.

( ・ω・) ...

( ´ω`) Hey, Junior!

( ・ω・) Check my sweet 700 GET, gramps!!