Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1310158763/
Let the fun times continue!
Prologue: The Death of
and his 500 GET was stolen from him, just like that.
--------------------------
The GSL stopped typing. These were not her words. This was not her keyboard. She wasn't even sure if these were her own hands.
She looked at the hands in front of her and traced the arms back to the body they were attached to. It was the Great Sky Shota, attempting to write his mindless drivel and publish it as the GSL's in order to
get on her nerves and thus disguise his budding crush for the young lady. Yes, the GSS had been quite tsundere for the GSL ever since
oregano. As the GSL turned to glare at the GSS, he shouted out,
"I-it's not like I wrote this for y-you, y-you
tin foil wrapping. After which he began to vigorously
whisk some eggs in preparation for
his ability to
time the flip. You only got one chance, and it had to be perfect. According to his calculations,
2 + 2 did actually equal 5. Mathematicians everywhere proceeded to
tell him why he's an idiot.
Miraculously,
he managed to time the flip perfectly, despite the mathematicians' constant beration. The GSL watched in amazement as the eggy mass arced lithely and gracefully through the air, like a
wet grey sock limping through fields of wart-covered toads in the pungent springtime. At that moment,
Instead, he embarrassingly landed face first in the GSL's
knee. He lost several teeth and
his cool.
"Thbfhat's it!" he blubbered, blood spewing from his frothing jaw. "Thfime to bweak out my secwet weapon:
a Calphalon waffle iron. He got it as a gift from his recently deceased
skin cell, Jack. Oh Jack, you will be missed..."
"Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?" demanded the GSL. The omelette was still falling. So was
the very soul of the GSS. This was it, it was all lost. He watched slowly as the omelette went closer and closer to the ground. But suddenly, out of nowhere...
"Goscone, my hog!" exclaimed the GSS. "All is saved!" He tossed the Calphalon waffle iron. It spun and comically bounced off the mathematicians, the GSL and everybody else in the vicinity before swooshing back into the Shota's hand like a genocidal boomerang. He scooped up Goscone under his arm and left the crime scene hastily.
The first one to wake up was
the God Emperor. And, boy, was he pissed about missing his 500 GET after waiting 10,000 years for it. He called all of his soldiers together and said
"Fuck it, we goin' to jail!"
They then proceeded to fuck shit up. While shit was being upfucked, the Great Sky Shota and his trusty hog Goscone were busy
to leave and never come back. I don't want to see your disgusting face anymore."
in another thread:
(・∀・) words words words
But then,
( ´ω`) words words words
B^U
"No, you fool!" exclaimed yet another mathematician, "Don't you know any set theory at all‽ Surely it's obvious that you can't take anything to the power of a union!"
The mathematicians were becoming more and more troublesome. It
was time for them to disappear. The GSL snapped her fingers at them while winking and with an Akari~n, they were gone.
However, not even the GSL could violate the law of conservation of mass, though it certainly could violate her. In place of the vanished mathematicians, an equal amount of mass appeared in the hideous form of
legs and invited the GSS in.
Francis Bacon also happened to be inside the crow's ass.
"Shove over, Francis," shouted the Great Sky Loli, "It's my turn to pilot this thing." She pushed Francis out of the way and sat down in the AssPilot seat.
'I DID NOT INVITE YOU I INVITED THE GSS' boomed the silver crow's internal voice.
"Whatever, my brother's too busy playing with his beloved razorback hog Goscone. N-not like I care about that b-baka brother of mine!"
Cheeks blushing a deep red, the ever-tsundere Great Sky Loli seized control of the Silver Crow and flew off into the sky, setting a direct course to
the past - or was it the future? At any rate, she intended to go back to about 150 posts ago and claim the 400 GET.
Her plan got off to a rocky start when
when she forgot to bring Rocky IV to play on her portable DVD player during the long ride.
Francis tried in vain to
masturbate furiously to works of classical art, but
the GSL had banned lewdness on the flight.
"Please keep your arms inside the vehicle and out of your pants at all times," said the moe deity.
Yet despite the lack of Rocky IV, the Silver Crow arrived soon enough, without incident, at >>391. (Somewhat miraculously, given the amount of twists so far.)
The GSL surveyed the situation. Appropriately, it seemed she was at a meeting for the Intertemporal Association of Time Travelers. She quickly tried to blend in the crowd, quietly poised to nab the 400 get in 9 posts.
The moment his semen touched the floor a low rumbling could be heard for meters. The meeting room had gained sentience. He said in his loud booming voice "Thank you for giving me life, now I will
celebrate with a generous donation of PCP and sperm for everybody to share!
Also I think the GSL is probably going to miss getting that 400GET so you should probably get out of her way in case she throws a tantrum or something."
Francis wondered what the room meant by "everybody." Did he mean everybody inside him? Well, that would just mean Francis and saying "everybody" in reference to one person is just silly. Did he mean everybody in the world? That would require way too much PCP and sperm, so that couldn't be it. Francis thought and thought and came to the conclusion that by "everybody" he meant everybody mentioned in the last few parts of the story.
However, Francis' masturbatory train of thought was soon rudely interrupted by Jock Johnson, also known as Eddie Murphy's penis, time traveler extraordinaire:
"Gentlemen!" he began, "The time has come for everything! We're fucking time travelers, ain't we?"
After a rousing cheer from the audience, he continued:
"Now, let's all go back in time and kill one another, making sure to leave corpses in every single historical location ever featured in a textbook!"
Jock still hadn't quite gotten over that grudge against his seventh-grade history teacher. The other time travellers were a little uncomfortable with the prospect of mass suicide, so, not wanting to hurt Jock's feelings, they
applauded politely and briefly before quickly turning their attentions to the snack bar, which had just been restocked by the sentient unused meeting room next door. Noticeably absent in the scene despite having made trip through time in the anus of a large metal bird specifically to be there at that place at that time was
the GSL. She had been distracted by the shiny golden 555 GET dangling from
a not so shiny 556 GET.
And so this trope was once again
interrup--
"Wait a minute," exclaimed the GSL. "That 555 GET was connected to a 556 GET, which in turn was connected to a 557 GET, 558 GET... Do you realise what this means?"
The time travellers were too busy hallucinating that they were the cast of Legend of the Galactic Heroes to respond, so she continued.
"This is all just a thread on the internet! Each post adds a new line or two, adding their own contributions to this absurd tangled mess of a story. We aren't real! We're just fictional characters!"
*Editor's note: Remove the last section
Francis unpinned the small rectangular note from the front of the refrigerator, and couldn't sleep that night for thinking deeply what the "last section" could refer to, and what would happen if he didn't remove it. He decided he would take it to band practice the next day. "Norman's usually good at this sort of thing" he thought. The next morning, rather predictably,
the sun rose.
Francis sleepily pulled on his teeth and brushed his trousers. With eyes 40% closed, he drifted aimlessly to the shower, which he ate slowly, and then down to breakfast, under which he stood while scrubbing his body. The commute was forgettable.
He arrived late to band practice due to an unfortunate incident which will be described in more detail in the next chapter, although somewhat metaphorically.
"Norman! We must remove the last section!" he cried, fearing he may be too late.
The band stopped playing. Norman lowered his conductor's wand like an angry magician, and turned with fiery eyes to glare at Francis.
"Bacon! You're late!"
"Remove the last section!" repeated Francis breathlessly. He wasn't sure how many more exclamation marks he could handle.
"What on earth are you talking about?" demanded Norman. "The last section is
on its way to Sheboygan already!"
Francis briefly wondered what a train conductor would need a wand for, and then
listened 2 nirvana n smoked a fat spliffff
with Norman while they waited for the End. He wasn't sure how one was supposed to spend what was most likely the last day of the universe, but this seemed a good idea as any.
And so the last section sped off to Sheboygan, due to arrive the next day. At this rate, it seemed there was no chance of stopping it, unless one had the power to somehow end the chapt
Chapter 6. Goscone the Razorback Hog and his Ridiculous Rumpus
Early one September morning in 1993, the GSS was having a conversation with Goscone, his beloved pet razorback hog.
"Time travel is stupid, just like that dumb sister of mine. She is dumb and stupid and doesn't smell nice at all. Her hair is not soft and she does not make me feel funny and kind of nice to be around so STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT BAKA BAKA BAKA!" said the GSS. While he was talking, he was also working on focusing his godly abilities to remove >>557,558 from canon. The idea of being fictional was very frightening and confusing to him, so, rather than accept the truth and play along with the story, he wanted to make the realization something that never occurred, and perhaps even make it so that that was not in fact actually the truth? Understanding the effects of manipulating literature was not one of the GSS's talents.
Goscone, on the other hand, was
a razorback hog, and really didn't contribute much to the conversation beyond a few snorts and grunts.
But, suddenly, Goscone found a mysterious text. It read as follows:
"One day while Andy was masturbating, Woody got wood. He could no longer help himself! He watched as Andy stroked his juicy kawaii cock. He approached Andy which startled him and make him pee everywhere on the floor and on Woody too. Being drenched in his urine made him harder than ever! Woody: "Andy Senpai! I'm alive and I want to be INSIDE OF YOU." Andy: "Oh Woody Chan! I always knew you were alive! I want to stuff you up my kawaii ass!" Woody grabbed a bunch of flavored lube and rubbed it all over his head Woody: "Oh my! It's cherry flavored lube! Cherry is my favorite! Woody then stuffed his head up into Andy's tight ass! The other toys around the room watched intently as Woody shoved his head back and forth into Andy's nice ass, continuously making a squishy wet noise. The other toys also became aroused and they all gathered around Woody and Andy and started to urinate all over them, and then they started to masturbate. Andy: "Oh my goodness, Woody Chan! You are churning my insides up so well! Your nose is stimulating my prostate! OH YES! All the other toys became so aroused by this, that they could not help themselves anymore! They pushed Woody completely inside, and they all went inside. All of them wanted to be inside Andy's nice round ass. Andy: "No wait guys! My ass cannot hold this much! I'm getting so full! All the toys went inside of poor squirming Andy and pretty much, he was beyond full, and died from having his insides completely damaged. The mother came inside and found Andy, dead with a huge ass hemorrhage on his anus, with a HUGE belly full of toys."Goscone was never the same again.
Suddenly, a fifty foot tall radioactive
butterfly
came all over
And then the universe exploded.
And then it tried to explode again, but merely farted.
Although, technically speaking, it was less of a fart and more of a
n explosion.
Even more technically speaking, it was less of an explosion and more of a ten dimensional space tearing Calabi-Yau space transcending flop transition.
What this all really means, though, is that
it was an explosion.
An explosion that smelled like a universe-filling fart.
Meanwhile in 1970's Soviet Russia
Vlad I. Vostok looked up from his desk, sniffed, and then turned to his officemate.
"Anatoly, did you let one ripski?"
"Duuuuh I don't tink soze boss!" said Sodi Popinska
, who was actually just an actor hired to pretend to be a stereotypical dumb henchman. Then
the Kool Aid Man burst in through a wall going "OH YEAH!", and tore right through the Kremlin; hitting Sodi Popinska and killing him instantly, or so Vlad I thought.
As it happens, Popinska was actually just a mannequin with a tape player inside anyway, so he wasn't alive to begin with.
Two weeks later, every
one died.
Back in Oxford,
nobody died, apart from
the tourists who were executed for building a bridge out of cinnamon cookies. Their execution was
the best thing to happen to Oxford in years. However, the UN security council was gearing up for humanitarian aid and America was talking of "freeing" Oxford.
It is in the midst of this tense political ballet dance that the infamous Battenburg insurgency began.
Although Mr Gray may, at first glance, have seemed
likely to appear at this point in the narrative, he did not.
Thursh was
busy reading over the latest Golf Aficionado and Umbrella Fan magazine when he got a call.
It was from his future self in 1993.
"Don't build a mechrofuusion device," he said, sounding a little bit like Trush as well as himself.
However,
Thursh did not realize this second bit, because he had never met anybody named Trush (or Thrush). Despite having a confusingly similar name, he had no relation whatsoever to either Trush or Thrush. He was, however, the evil twin brother of Tharsh, who had died but managed to regain his life in the form of a platypus-mecha-hybrid.
Thursh turned to his platypus-mecha brother Tharsh and said,
"I just got a call from my future self. He says
he got a call from both our future selves concerning an event in the even further future with a likelihood of three standard deviations, which we ought not to be terribly concerned about, but should nevertheless take into account with respect to subsequent dealings."
Thursursh's head. Thorsh chuckled deighly and slapped his friend Tarsh on the back, causing Trash to stumble forward into Tharush who was busy talking to Thurash, the brother of Thurush (no relation to Thrash or Thraush) and Thaush.
Then T[[rh]+[au]+]+sh decided to