Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1310158763/
Let the fun times continue!
Prologue: The Death of
by a thrashing thrash of threshing thrashers which included Thahahahsh, Thahahush, Thaharuahsh, Thahash, Thahaush, Thahrarahsh, Thahrarsh, Thahrash, Thahruararsh, Thahruhruhsh, Thahsh, Thahuhuarsh, Thahurarsh, Thahurash, Thahurursh, Thahush, Tharahruhsh, Tharahsh, Thararahsh, Tharararsh, Thararsh, Tharash, Tharauhsh, Tharaursh, Tharsh, Tharuarahsh, Tharuararsh, Tharuaraush, Tharuarsh, Tharuhash, Tharuhruhsh, Tharuhrursh, Tharuhursh, Tharuhush, Tharurahsh, Tharuraursh, Tharursh, Tharuruhsh, Tharurush, Tharush, Thash, Thauhahsh, Thauharsh, Thauhash, Thauhauharsh, Thauhrahahsh, Thauhsh, Thauhuahuhsh, Thauhuhrursh, Thauhurarsh, Thauhurauhsh, Thauhuraursh, Thaurarahsh, Thaurauharsh, Thaursh, Thauruahuash, Thauruarash, Thauruarauhsh, Thauruhahsh, Thauruhuhsh, Thauruhursh, Thaururahsh, Thaurursh, Thaurush, Thaush, Thrahahuahsh, Thraharuarsh, Thraharuhsh, Thrahash, Thrahaurahsh, Thrahauraush, Thrahrahruhsh, Thrahsh, Thrahurash, Thrahursh, Thrahurursh, Thrahush, Thrarahursh, Thrararaursh, Thrararsh, Thrararursh, Thraraurahsh, Thrarsh, Thraruarauhsh, Thraruash, Thraruharsh, Thraruhash, Thraruhaursh, Thrarursh, Thraruruahsh, Thrarurursh, Thrarush, Thrash, Thrauhruharsh, Thrauhsh, Thrauhush, Thraurahsh, Thraurahuhsh, Thrauraursh, Thraursh, Thrauruahursh, Thrauruharsh, Thraururash, Thraush, Thruahash, Thruahurahsh, Thruahursh, Thruarahahsh, Thruarash, Thruarsh, Thruaruhrush, Thruaruruash, Thruarush, Thruash, Thruhahauhsh, Thruhahsh, Thruhahuhsh, Thruhahursh, Thruhash, Thruhaursh, Thruhrauhuhsh, Thruhuhursh, Thrurahahsh, Thruraharsh, Thrurahrush, Thrurahsh, Thrurahursh, Thrursh, Thruruaharsh, Thruruararsh, Thruruarsh, Thruruhash, Thruruhrarsh, Thruruhsh, Thruruhuahsh, Thruruhuarsh, Thruruhursh, Thrururahsh, Thrurursh, Thrururuahsh, Thrurush, Thrush, Thuahahahsh, Thuahahash, Thuahahrarsh, Thuahahruhsh, Thuahahsh, Thuahahush, Thuaharsh, Thuaharuhsh, Thuahash, Thuahauhush, Thuahaursh, Thuahraruhsh, Thuahruharsh, Thuahrush, Thuahsh, Thuahuhahsh, Thuahuharsh, Thuahuhrash, Thuahush, Thuarahash, Thuarahuahsh, Thuarahush, Thuarararsh, Thuararsh, Thuararuhsh, Thuarash, Thuaraurarsh, Thuaraush, Thuarsh, Thuaruahuhsh, Thuaruaraursh, Thuaruhahsh, Thuaruharsh, Thuaruhrarsh, Thuaruhrursh, Thuaruhsh, Thuarurahsh, Thuarurarsh, Thuarurash, Thuarursh, Thuaruruahsh, Thuaruruhsh, Thuarurursh, Thuarush, Thuash, Thuhahrash, Thuhahrush, Thuhahsh, Thuhahuhsh, Thuharahsh, Thuharuhsh, Thuharursh, Thuhash, Thuhaurarsh, Thuhaurauhsh, Thuhauruahsh, Thuhaush, Thuhraush, Thuhruahuhsh, Thuhsh, Thuhuarahsh, Thuhuarsh, Thuhuash, Thuhuharsh, Thuhuhsh, Thuhurahsh, Thuhurarsh, Thuhurash, Thuhursh, Thuhush, Thurahahsh, Thuraharsh, Thurahruahsh, Thurahrursh, Thurahrush, Thurahsh, Thurahuhsh, Thurararsh, Thurarash, Thuraraush, Thurarsh, Thurarursh, Thurarush, Thurash, Thuraurahsh, Thuraurarsh, Thuraurash, Thurauraush, Thuraursh, Thursh, Thuruahsh, Thuruahuhsh, Thuruahursh, Thuruararsh,
Thuruarsh, Thuruash, Thuruhahsh, Thuruharsh, Thuruhraursh, Thuruhruhsh, Thuruhsh, Thuruhuhsh, Thuruhursh, Thuruhush, Thururahsh, Thururarsh, Thururauhsh, Thururaursh, Thurursh, Thururuahsh, Thururursh, Thururush, Thurush, Thush, Trahahahsh, Trahaharsh, Trahahrush, Trahahursh, Trahararsh, Traharash, Traharsh, Traharursh, Trahash, Trahauruahsh, Trahrahahsh, Trahrararsh, Trahrarash, Trahrash, Trahraurash, Trahruharsh, Trahruhsh, Trahruhursh, Trahruhush, Trahrurahsh, Trahrurarsh, Trahruruhsh, Trahrush, Trahsh, Trahuarsh, Trahuash, Trahuhrahsh, Trahurash, Trahursh, Trahush, Trarahahsh, Trarahaursh, Trarahrahsh, Trarahrursh, Trarahuhsh, Trararsh, Trararursh, Trarash, Traraurash, Trarauraush, Trarsh, Traruaharsh, Traruarsh, Traruaruhsh, Traruarursh, Traruharsh, Traruhauhsh, Traruhrarsh, Traruhsh, Traruhuhsh, Traruhursh, Traruhush, Trarurahsh, Trarurarsh, Trarurauhsh, Traruraursh, Trarursh, Traruruash, Traruruhsh, Trarurursh, Trarush, Trash, Trauharaush, Trauharsh, Trauhash, Trauhrahsh, Trauhrash, Trauhrurarsh, Trauhrush, Trauhsh, Trauhuharsh, Trauhurahsh, Trauhurash, Trauhurursh, Trauhush, Traurarsh, Traurash, Traursh, Trauruararsh, Trauruash, Trauruhahsh, Trauruharsh, Trauruhuhsh, Trauruhush, Traururahsh, Traururarsh, Traururash, Traururaush, Traururuhsh, Traururursh, Traurush, Traush, Truahahrarsh, Truaharsh, Truahash, Truahauhash, Truahaurahsh, Truahraraush, Truahruharsh, Truahsh, Truahuarahsh, Truahuhahsh, Truahuhrahsh, Truahuhuahsh, Truahurarsh, Truahush, Truarahauhsh, Truarahuhsh, Truararash, Truararauhsh, Truararsh, Truarash, Truarsh, Truaruarash, Truaruash, Truaruhahsh, Truaruhauhsh, Truaruhruhsh, Truaruhrursh, Truaruhursh, Truarurash, Truaruraush, Truarursh, Truash, Truhaharsh, Truhahash, Truhahursh, Truharahsh, Truharauhsh, Truhash, Truhauhsh, Truhauhuhsh, Truhrarahsh, Truhrarsh, Truhrash, Truhruhash, Truhruhsh, Truhrurarsh, Truhruruahsh, Truhruruhsh, Truhrush, Truhsh, Truhuahsh, Truhuaruarsh, Truhuharsh, Truhuhsh, Truhuhursh, Truhurahsh, Truhurarsh, Truhursh, Truhurursh, Truhush, Truraharsh, Trurahash, Trurahrash, Trurahruhsh, Trurahsh, Trurahuash, Trurahuhsh, Trurarahsh, Trurarash, Trurarauhsh, Truraraursh, Truraraush, Trurarsh, Truraruash, Truraruhsh, Trurash, Trurauhush, Truraurarsh, Truraush, Trursh, Truruahursh, Truruaruash, Truruarursh, Truruash, Truruharsh, Truruhash, Truruhauhsh, Truruhaursh, Truruhraursh, Truruhruahsh, Truruhsh, Truruhuash, Truruhursh, Trururahsh, Trururarsh, Trururash, Trururauhsh, Trururaush, Trurursh, Trururuahsh, Trururuhsh, Trururursh, Trurush and Trush (but not Tarsh or Tursh).
"Fuck
is a very naughty word, and you shouldn't use it unless
you fucking want to," said
Mr. Thrip-tip von Bagelshitter, also known as the thruauauauarshmaster supreme, who once wrestled a guy in a bear suit who was swinging around a stuffed alligator doll.
"That may be so, but I don't think that's quite important enough to interrupt the threshing," said the thresher. "I have an important job around here. People need threshers like me. You know, back in '57, I was known as..."
Mr. Thrip-tip von Bagelshitter could tell this was going to go on for quite a while, so he
not particularly unexpected or memorable demise.
Then, just as everything seemed to be
all thrashed out, Vlad I. Vostok sniffed the air and said,
"Oh my shining stars and body!"
"I do believe someone farted!"
Chapter 8
Over the River and Through The Hair
Zaza-yalaraaa! Hossein, bubbu! Guya, guya!
The dreaded river wheel had returned, furiously tumbling and crushing everything in its path.
Suddenly, Cthulu
.
Additionally, Hastur. And Nyalathotep. And Cthugha. And perhaps maybe even a couple of shoggoths for some reason.
All of them, crushed by the river wheel.
And that wheel keeps on turning. Who knows where it goes?
Billy was trying to find his glasses, which
is all that mattered at the moment, for it was the very moment that the rest of this sentence - and perhaps even this paragraph, chapter or book - will spend describing.
The glasses in question were in fact the very same spectacles
FUCK
wore when he slew the vicious SHIT of ASSTOWN in chapter 837 of the BOOK OF CUNT. It just so happens that
long ago, the BOOK OF CUNT used to be known as the DQN Short Novel. At that time, nobody dreamed that the short novel would ever reach such lengths, or come to be known by such a lewd name. Despite
squeeks laid down in his lonely bed, weeping lonely tears, hugging his lonely blanket, when suddenly
ten trillion angry Muslims burst through
his chest. "lately orthodox jews have been wearing burka's too! we are losing our cultural identity!" they shouted as they
abruptly came to the realisation that they were actually
a sinister swarm of nanobots.
Realising the social faux pas they had made by impersonating Muslims, they apologised profusely to everyone within earshot and sheepishly crawled back into Squeeks' chest.
Squeeks
briefly wondered at the mild itch on his chest, then scratched vigorously before turning around three times and going to sleep.
The next morning, Squeeks' mother
didn't bother him at all. She was too busy
doing motherly things. His father, however,
was busy getting drunk in the bar and fucking hookers.
Squeeks' father was a stern man, with a voice that could
mollify anyone due to the striking similarity it shared with Barry White's voice.
In contrast, Squeeks' mother presented a very loving character. It was no surprise the two had come together in mutual affection. Mutual, anyway, insofar as his father could find time to play the fatherly role between all that drinking and adultery. But, as expected, his mother was very forgiving, inhumanly so, perhaps, such that to say nothing of her husband's overt disregard for the bonds of a sound marriage, she would even venture so far as to forgive what copious abuse of commas the author had just employed.
Squeeks himself didn't particularly take after either of his parents. He was more the
fruitcake and cookies type. In other words,
he was an average "fruit".
partiularly care; after all, the entire world was going to come to an end
again. Meanwhile, in Liechtenstein,
Baron Von Scheiss was busy in his castle working on a new scat porn for Germans.
His butler, Theodore, was somewhat
inserted something in his anus which was called
reclaimed his hate for his enemy and began furiously gathering together an army of discarded cubicle cutlery and other eating utensils, including but not limited to long thin forks with a little bump on the end which looks more like a mistake than artistic design, short spoons which are just a little too wide to comfortably fit in one's mouth, long spoons which are just a little too thin to pick anything up, dull knives, plastic sporks whose fork tines have snapped off, and a confusingly extended pitchfork with teeth too wide to be practical.
Combining
clone of his old, nearly dead dog, Theodore
prototyped his kernelsprite and entered the Medium, whereupon he
vanished and was never seen again.
The next day,
the cell phone rang.
CHAPTER 37
A LONG EXPECTORATED PARTY
The caller ID said that it was Richard Stallman calling,
but Baron Von Scheiss knew full well that
With a confident tone, Von Scheiss responded "It's premium shit, only a handful of people have it, since it's creator only made a limited quantity before vanishing". The macfag mumbled something incoherently and then hang up.
A week later, it was announced that Apple
that announced was it, later a week.
Up hang then and incoherently something mumbled the macfag.
"Vanishing before quantity limited a made only creator it's since, it have people of a handful only, shit, it's premium," responded Scheiss Von, tone with a confident.
"I shat on your phone!" laughed a mac user.
And then, Satan
Little did he know, 10,000 metres below him, the world's
balls were also being scratched, so to speak.
That is to say, the Moon was colliding with the Earth.
People were, for the most part,
moving out of the way.
Not that it mattered; the
Scientists devised a crack team of heroes - headed by Bruce Willis and the guys from Aerosmith - who could clean up all the dust once it hit.
However, the crack team worked in vain to clean up the 250 gigagrams of dust produced before the world was plunged into a nuclear
cake vortex, covering everybody with frosting and
desires. Mr Gray began to gently stroke his
hit that rusted switch with if I hadn't found this in that treasure
chest behind the Chinese takeaway."
But then,
a strange thing happened. The sky turned blood red, the sun rose in the west, and the oceans became pools of boiling blood. This was only the beginning, for after this...
the great AQUALUNG who proceded to go down to the park and
perform their hit song "Brighter Than Sunshine" to a crowd of
The sleeping hamsters were owned by a crowd of slapping hipsters sliding in hampers, strapping hempsters sleeping in hammocks and stripping humpsters sleeping in heaps. The slapping hipsters, sleeping hamsters, stripping humpsters and strapping hempsters, collectively known as snipping hompsters, decided to
show their enthusiasm for Aqualung's performance by opening
then something happened
. Then Something Happened was the name of a new exciting restaurant, famous for its
confrontational performance artist waiting staff, and the unexpected ingredients used in
their most delicious soup, Souphellion - Extra Garlic type
B negative which, as indicated by its namesake, is very difficult yet strangely rewarding to consume.
The first customers were
The snipping hompsters accompanied their grand opening of Then Something Happened with a 150 yen-off sale. As a result,
everybody stopped giving a fuck because things got too complicated. There were outcries for a simple way of life. The person who was to lead this simplistic movement stepped out of the disgruntled crowd and said
"Excuse me may I pass through here"
The crowd did not take kindly to this, and they
disembowelled him.
Nestled within his thoracic cavity they found a 700 GET.
Even more shockingly, behind