[NOVEL] DQN Short Novel [SHORT] [PART II] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 11:58

Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1310158763/

Let the fun times continue!

Prologue: The Death of

801 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 01:53

TRANSMISSION BEGINS HERE

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WE HAVE RECEIVED A #@$^#% MESSAGE FROM THE *#(@# SECTOR SEND HELP IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMED

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TRANSMISSION ENDS HERE

802 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 04:46

Unfortunately, no one was at the computer or near any devices that could receive the transmission due to the parade

803 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 08:49

goers destroying all electronics to make their so-called ice cream.

Meanwhile, Goscone and the other razorback hogs were

804 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 09:58

Goscone.

805 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 10:28

That is to say, they had

806 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 10:59

capture a boy, who

807 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 13:07

was denaceing around a

808 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 01:01

golden statue of his godly sister. He hoped that his denace would be able to summon her so that she could sweep all those parade-goers back into the sinister plot she had just rolled up, and also so that her could give her her daily tsundere service. However, this boy, (who was of course none other than the GSS) would be unable to express his growing incestuous feelings today, since Goscone wanted to go for a walk and when Goscone wants to go for a walk you don't argue with Goscone.

809 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 08:45

By the time they returned from their walk, the GSL had

810 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 12:32

put the kettle on, done a merry jig, and

811 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 15:53

shot herself in the foot.

812 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 15:58

Thankfully, it was only with a water pistol.

Who should wander in at that moment but

813 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 17:46

a man with a .45 pistol. The GSL asked for the .45 then shot herself in the foot for real this time.

814 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 18:31

Of course, being a god and all, the bullet didn't do much. The sound of the gun going off, however, attracted the attention of

815 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 19:01

a donkey with a big butt

816 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 04:26

, named Ba-Donk-a-Donk.

817 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 04:57

Arriving in a duster, carrying an even larger pistol, he

818 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 06:14

collapsed under the combined weight of the pistol and his own butt and died.

The death of Ba-Donk-a-Donk just so happened to be one of the signals of the coming resurrection of hell's worst middle manager:

819 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 15:27

Beady Eyes. Beady Eyes wandered into the room,

820 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 16:52

the room wandered out.

821 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 18:50

"Where did they all go?" he pondered to himself.

822 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 01:24

Without warning, the entire

823 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 02:21

cast of the hit Broadway show

824 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 04:37

Orange Rhymes With Me

825 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 12:10

committed

826 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 13:56

one of the most heinous of sins:

827 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:22

posting on 4chan!

828 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:24

meanwhile

829 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:26

in the galactic core,

830 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 11:26

a man with a peculiarly shaped

831 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 11:59

ear chose this moment to open his briefcase and whip out a

832 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 12:33

Calaphon waffle iron

833 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 15:19

and a banjo.

834 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7022 11:02

"I'll do it!" he shouted, to nobody in particular. "Don't try to stop me! I've

835 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7022 13:55

done it!"

He did it. He really did it.

836 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 09:07

And there is really nothing more to say on the matter.

A century and a half later, in the deepest darkest corner of

837 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 10:07

the local curry joint,our hero

838 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 10:24

died.

839 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 11:11

While choking on curry, the GSL forgot she had powers to unchoke herself. Her body was immediately ground up by the cheap restaurant owner to be used in "vegetarian" curry.

840 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 11:20

Luckily, GSS rushed into the scene, and

841 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 12:17

bought a vegetarian curry.

842 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 12:38

The GSL regenerated just as the GSS was about to take his first bite - though while she was whole again, she did smell of curry sauce and had rice in her hair and undergarments. The GSS

843 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 12:57

ate her anyway because he paid for that fucking curry and he was going to eat it. After eating his stomach was heavy. His body ingesting the GSL was causing them to fuse. They fused into the GST (Great Sky Trap), a combination of shota and loli.

844 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 14:40

However, the GSS's incestuous feelings made the GST attracted to himself, which made the fusion unstable and they quickly separated, but each caught a glimpse of the other's thoughts and feelings while they were one. The GSL saw what the GSS was truly feeling about her and so she

845 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 14:46

made him some vegetarian curry.

846 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 21:17

"N-n-not like I made it for you because I love you or anything!" she said, blushing a deep red. "I just happened to have all these extra ingredients!"

"That tsundere act doesn't work at all since I just saw all your thoughts and feelings, you know," said the GSS with a knowing smile. "I know everything, including your fetish for

847 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 23:27

dressing up like yourself and acting like a total bitch!"

848 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:24

"Oh no, by saying that, you've activated-a my Italiano thing. That-a sentence turns-a me Italian! Mama mia!"

849 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:43

Then they turned into Mario and Luigi and went questing for the magic mushrooms.

850 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:46

However, the magic mushrooms they found were in fact de-Italianizing mushrooms and the godly duo were returned to their true forms.

Meanwhile, on planet ＧＪ！, Patchouli Knowledge had perfected

851 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:59

the delicate art of subtly dropping Touhou references into short novels. Her first

852 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 01:03

penis

853 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 01:10

was abruptly cut o--

Chapter 八百万: The Night of Endless Bifurcations

854 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 01:49

Little did the GSL know that her Italianitis was chronic. She became Italian again without warning. "Mama mia!"

855 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 02:12

Furthermore, a cut-off penis suddenly fell on her head.

856 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 02:53

"Pastafazool!" she swore, flinging the severed weenie at

857 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 03:28

JonTron and Egoraptor

858 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 21:56

. She missed.

"You know what, I don't think we're

859 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 22:03

who dodged it and subsequently fell out of the story. The disembodied penis

860 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 22:22

doesn't exactly fit here," muttered

861 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 22:58

the penis collector, who was trying to fit it into his anal passage.

862 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 23:28

Little did he know that this particular penis was capable of absorbing any ailment and turning it into a powerful elixir which could grant short-novel-ending powers. If the Great Sky twins could just get their hands on this penis, they could cure themselves of their chronic Italianitis! But the penis was dangerous, and if they did not get it before someone else, the short novel might end, and the only other known cure for Italianitis was a 999 GET.

863 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 05:54

But, oh no, the penis already got used up by the penis collector to cure him of his cystic fibrosis.

864 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 10:32

And double oh no, since it didn't fit into his anus, it didn't even work. He cast the now powerless penis aside and exclaimed,

865 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 11:32

"Hrrgwargwwreaggwrrrbgg" as the mucus filled his lungs.

866 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 14:17

The mucus surged out of his mouth, given life by the residual magic of the backfired spell, and proceeded to

867 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 14:32

continue surging out of his mouth. Meanwhile, famed scientist Crackers McPyjama was

868 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 14:36

peering into a microscope, under which

869 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 16:14

a tiny bacterium which could hold the secret to recharging any penis instantly was browsing DQN on a microscopic computer.

870 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 17:12

Crackers, exhausted and finally victorious, had found the answer.

871 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 17:59

And then he died, before he could make a note of it or anything.

872 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 19:48

The bacterium was oblivious to all this and

873 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 19:53

could not even read. He just browsed DQN for the ASCII art and silly faces.

Thrursh, on the other hand,

874 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 20:36

found comfort in being a razorback hog. "I often reflect on my

875 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 23:18

long-lost not-brother Goscone, who I have never met and probably never will. I don't even know who Goscone is, really. In fact, I'm not sure whether or not Goscone even exists and if they do I have no idea what they look like or anything else. Also, I want to make a SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG.”

And so he posted:
>>878 title
>>923 first line
>>893 second line
>>890,940 third line
>>933 fourth (and final) line

It would be a while before the SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG was finished, but it may or may not be worth it. In any case, it would sure be a WILD RIDE nida.

876 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 00:22

Please listen to the song at the following address while you continue to read the story:

877 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 01:26

The song is buffering. Please wait.

878 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 02:22

ADVERTISEMENT

COOL FREE RINGTONES CLICK HERE

ADVERTISEMENT

879 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 03:49

"I always enjoy the food at BERNIE'S FISH GROTTO!" Thrursh shouted, as if compelled by

880 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 06:11

the wonderful folk at #1BLITZ4U MARKETING AGENCY (tm).

881 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 23:11

Meanwhile, in a small villa in Catalonia,

882 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 00:31

3

883 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 01:35

.14

884 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 02:08

volts of electricity

885 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 11:40

were not enough to revive Walbert Smeth.

886 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 16:31

It was clear that something more potent than the hamster-run static electricity generator would be needed.

887 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 23:46

So rodent experts debated about what rodent species would be suitable for the task. In a 27 to 11 vote

888 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7029 01:48

they voted for capybaras in wool sweaters and ｍｉｔｔｅｎｓ. The capybaras were loaded into the generator and quickly

889 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7029 21:55

became engorged. The ｍｉｔｔｅｎｓ started their magic and, eventually,

890 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7029 23:44

Produced more static energy than the largest Tesla generator ever could.

891 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 00:23

Walbert Smeth suddenly

892 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 04:33

rotted away into a pile of rotten flesh and

893 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 07:03

grew into Smoopy.

894 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 07:42

Ｓｍｏｏｐｙ　（ｎ）　－　Ａ　ｓｍｉｌｉｎｇ　ｇｌｏｏｐ　

895 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 13:30

that feasts on pastel colored ponies

896 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 13:50

and collects shiny pennies.

897 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 16:14

and poops poignant penises.

898 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 16:33

and posts prolix purple prose.

899 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 18:21

A young Malaysian girl wearing a bear costume

900 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 19:31

ran shrieking through the museum

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