(・∀・) Good idea, Grandpa! I could sure use a nap right about now.

( ⌒-⌒) Now that they're asleep, my plan can begin!

(・∀・) Wow, you still exist?

(・∀・) arn't you mr warm guy?

( ´ω`) No, he's Smug Fathead (Annoying). There is no Mr. Warm Guy character.

( ´ω`) Not yet.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

(・∀・) Grandpa, am I the only DQN that doesn't care about Touhou?

( ´ω`) Who's toho?

(・∀・) Toho is the company that made Godzilla, but that is completely different from Touhou.

( ´ω`) I see.

( ´ω`) So who's toho?

(・∀・) Toto is the company that builds the world's most best 1.6 gallon toilet. They say it can suck down 1.5 courics in one flush.

(　･ω･) I wish I had a toho toilet.

( ´ω`) Back in my day, I could shit like a draft horse.

( ´ω`) because Reimu is my illegitimate daughter, and your step-sister.

(・∀・) Ewww.

(・∀・) You don't have a dog Grandpa. Or a bedspread.

(　･ω･) Hey Junior, I just found your erotic diary.

(・∀・) Happy New y-

(・∀・) Oh, nevermind. Still September.

(・∀・) Grandpa, those named people keep watching me when I go to the bathroom.

( ´ω`) Good, good.

(・∀・) I can't pee when people are watching!

( ´ω`) But the question is, can you watch when people are peeing?

(・∀・) I guess so.

( ´ω`) So why can't you pee when they watch you?

(・∀・) I forgot what I was going to say.

(・∀・) 780get, I guess.

( ´ω`) Here, go take some of my Alzheimer's medication. It's in the bottle marked "Rat Poison".

( ´ω`) Noooooooooo I was saving those!

(・∀・) Oh, sorry. I gave them to >>1.

( ´ω`) Well you march right over there and get them back!

(・∀・) Why arnt we on the front page anymore?

( ´ω`) Because our conversation starts to get boring, idiot!

(・∀・) Grandpa, I need help with my math homework. What's the proof for Fermat's Last Theorem?

( ´ω`) Ferment? You have homework about alcohol now?

(・∀・) Not until college.

(・∀・) I guess I'll go to welding school instead.

( ´ω`) I told you once.

( ´ω`)

( ´ω`) Unless you...

( ・-・) 800get!

( ´ω`) Unless you 800get, yes.

(・∀・) Grandpa, how do we prepare for Ragnarök when the Earth freezes, and we are washed away!

( ´ω`) Wear long underwear.

(・∀・) Thermal GARMents?

( ´ω`) UNDERgarments.

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　　 　 ( ಠmƣ) You've been evicted, haha. Get the hell out of my house

( ´ω`) My family has owned this house for over 11 threads! You can't evict me!

(・∀・) You tell him, GARMpa!

( ﾟ ヮﾟ) Are mittens GARments?

( ﾟ -ﾟ) Are you guys entering your captchas? I get it... piem lol

( ・-・) No, he just forgot his pills again.

(・∀・) He just gets thor sometimes.

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　　 　 ( ಠmƣ) I just realized I have no authority. Could you spare some caviar and act like I have authority.

( ´ω`) I have the feeling that you are Beady Eyes in disguise, planning to derail this thread yet again.

>>820 LOL

( ´ω`) Move that switch on the side of the camera before you push the button.

(・∀・) Grandpa! Wake up!
( ´ω`) *HURF*and I licked her nipples and gave her cunnilingus.
(・∀・) ...Uhh Grandpa.... ;_;

( ・-・) there is a gay guy in my office, and he referred to hemorrhoids as speedbumps

( ・-・) We're the math nerds. Uh huh, that's us. Our glasses are thick; our skin bleeding pus. Chalkboards are out and computers are in... Mathmatica, dude! WTF have you been? We're crunching some primes while chatting on forums; Star Trek and Star wars; the Great Pauly Shore--Um, this math problem's simple to solve, can't you see? You need to brush up on your pi, roots, and e.
( ・-・) girl u must be muslim cause im jihard as hell
( ・-・) Ah yes, the Nazi's come to play. Wonderful, the only thing more ignorant than a homophobe is a racist. Well god help you my brother, because if your Hitler youth ass ever steps foot in GA, I will find you myself.
( ・-・) Haha. Whatever. I'm in an animation college, and when I was in high school girls used to BEG for picture from me, and it was the most attention I got in school. Now everyone draws so it's not a big deal. If someone compliments you, take it, because chances are I'm better than you, and would mock you when you left the room.
( ・-・) It appears as though Robert Hanssen, the American FBI agent accused of selling American secrets to the Russians, was a registered Linux user!!! This is further evidence, as if any more was needed, that Linux and communism are inseperable, and that anyone using Linux is supporting the communist murder of millions!
( ・-・) I disagree with the software "Fruity Loops" on the grounds that only 50% or less of the musicians that use this software are actually homosexual. I think they need to either change the name of the software, or have some kind of provision in the EULA that you can only use it if you're gay. Stop faking the funk already.
( ・-・) Im in the middle east. Middle eastern people may have dark skin like a grl.......face it bitch...ur a motherfuckin dick suckin man hoe!!!!!!!!!.........ur a faget ass punk pussy lil girl......ur da gayest person ever........go to hell bitch!!!!

( ・-・) slitting open the urethra, cauterizing the prostrate, inflicting corporal punishment, blistering the penis with caustic acid, flaying the penile skin with razor blades, sewing the prepuce shut with metal wire, encasing the genitals in plaster or in lockable metal cages, or fitting the penis with penile rings studded with sharp metallic teeth to discourage erections
( ・-・) Did you know: Google Inc. was the original corporate investor in 50 Cent's career, advancing him $15,000 to produce his first album "Get Rich Or Die Tryin" (Interscope 2003). 50 Cent gave Google a grateful nod when he named his side group "G-Unit" (Google Unit), and they maintain a healthy business relationship to this day.
( ・-・) your mom is so fat that if planck's constant were 1 Js, she STILL wouldn't be able to quantum tunnel through a potential of any significance
( ・-・) I'm all talk? Lets meet at a secluded place and I'll show you how much talk I am you pussy. I'll burry you so deep that your mommy will litter all of California with your missing posters.
( ・-・) You have all been brainwashed. Yes the airwaves taught you that hating blacks is wrong and they do not stop there. They are telling us that we must accept faggots rights. They tell us when we are preaching the word of God about how God hates the HOMOS that we are commiting hate crimes. Another buzzword for you simpletons to use to make yourself think you are a tolerant intelligent person. I guess you folks think you are smarter than God. You tell the semen drinking feces eating faggots that they have a right to do what they do even if it kills them with disease. You say I cannot preach my bible and warn these filthy faggots where they will spend eternity should they continue this vile lifestyle. Does anyone have tolerance for a person living a Christian lifestyle. Who sticks up for us?
( ・-・)So, I just got a job at Starbucks. It's part of my plan for global domination. I'm going to tear the system down from the inside.
( ・-・) faggot! get the fuck out of here. we don't take kindly to you people around here. you're worse than the niggers. at least the niggers are predictable - they just want to make illegitimate children, eat fried chicken, and steal cars - you faggots, who the fuck knows what you're going to do next?
( ・-・) It is well known that apes are close relatives to human beings. What isn’t so well known is just how close relatives the two species are. Apes and humans share much of the same DNA. For instance, the North African Short-Haired Baboon shares over 99% of its DNA with mankind. This particular species is highly adaptable and like chimpanzees, they are able to make crude tools and even utilize rudimentary communication skills. The adaptability of the North African Short hair is evidenced by their lives in captivity, while most species dwindle on extinction and have trouble breeding; the Short-Hairs thrive, often neglecting their offspring, food gathering, and even grooming themselves in order to mate with females. First introduced into captivity sometime in the 1700’s, the North African Short-Haired baboon was utilized as laborers in small farming communities. Today, they enjoy life in urban centers, often living 10 to a den. Sadly, captivity and inbreeding has caused their learning ability to be suppressed and their baser instincts to be more pronounced. Often, they will rely on the gatherings of other species to survive. Utilizing their natural nocturnal abilities, they stalk, undetected, through the habitats of these other species, procuring what it necessary to survive from them, often in the form of Televisions and Hi-top sneakers.

( ・-・) i'm sick and tired of people thinking being ugly is just "how god made you"!!! Here's two prime examples of how this statement is false, please feel free to add yer own. :P How one gets fat: Ieating WAY too fucking much [or] Ithey are genetically HUGE [lol only in very few cases] >>Conclusion: lol, fat=no self control to stop fucking eating; no self control=not very attractive; fat=not pretty. How one gets acne: Ioily icky gross dirty skin that isn't washed and has dead skin clogging pores [or] Igenetically gross [lol, in some cases, yet they can be 'fixed' so it's still no excuse] >>>Conclusion: lol, wash yur fucking face! acne=no self responsibity to wash yur fucking face!; no responsibility=lol not very attractive; acne=not pretty THUS, /end rant, but yes, people who don't have the self control to be at a reasonable weight are icky icky gross, and dirty people ho don't wash, lol ew, yea, gross.
( ・-・) I am a substitute teacher for grades K-5 and I was awarded a gold star for starting a movement in my school for "story holes" in which any student could go into a bathroom and sit down and someone read them a story through a hole in the bathroom wall
( ・-・) one time i invited two of my friends (well, my only two friends) over for dinner at my apartment. i was in a bad mood that day and while they were in the living room playing sword quest 4, i masturbated into the milk in the measuring cup before making the mashed potatoes. all three of us enjoyed the meal, myself doubly so... in part because i secretly knew my friends now have my seed in them, and also in part because i ate the mashed potatoes too and the thought of consuming my own seed makes me want to masturbate into more food. i fear i am in a vicious cycle at this point. someone help me? please?
( ・-・) It should be extrusively notated (and annotated) that my imago has been ensnared in the viscosity of time. That is why my transcendent self has been importuned (but not without resisting) despite the hydraulic pressure to limitate and delineate those theotons (the untimely microscopic, particulate hydrole) whose essential god-like characteristics have been laminated into an irreducibly minisculate, atomized, and indeed lionized cannister. Such is the enraptured entrapment of my condition.
( ・-・) PS- you'll fail at everything you ever try. Leave writing to the pros, sit back, and feel the germs crawling all over your amoeba-like body. What's that? Did you leave the oven on? Sorry, I'm so itchy, I can feel tiny mites burrowing into the skin of my scalp, behind my ears, biting my ankles, god, they'll go right through to my brain if I don't scratch them out.I just remembered that I need to go refold all my clothes!
( ・-・) OMG U WILL NOT GET THE TRANSIENT DAMPENING U NEED U MIGHT AS WELL UZE UR RADIO SHAK EARFONES 2 MIC UR DRUM KIT WHICH IS MADE FROM 5 GALLON BUCKETS WHILE PLAYING UR MILK CARTON UKELELE AND INSTEAD OF RECORDING IT JUST HAVE SOME GUY PROMISE TO TRY REALLY HARD TO REMEMBER WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE SO HE CAN TELL EVERYONE LATER
( ・-・) shut the fuck up you obviously have no idea w-t-f you are talking about why dont you give up and go back to playing yu-gi-on on your little borther's GAYCUBE because you are obviuoulsy too stupid to comprehend a real game like final fantasy 8 (argubly the best game of the series)
( ・-・) You can spot a Nintendo 64 game from a mile away. If the textures look like they were photographed with a cell phone camera, copied to VHS tape, copied to another VHS tape, imported into the computer and saved as a low quality JPEG, and then the computer was chucked into a fire, you know you're playing a Nintendo 64 game.

( ・-・) FUCK YOU FATSO YEAH YOU CAN TALK SHIT BEHIND YOU COMPUTER YOU FAT NERD. IF I EVER SEE YOU IN THE STREET I'M GONNA STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH MY HITLER YOUTH KNIFE YOU STUPID CHEESEBURGER CHEEKS THEN YOU'LL FALL TO THR GROUND AND CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH STUPID LITTLE RICH VAG YOU DUMBASS SKINHEADS COME FROM MANY DIFFERNT BACKGROUNDS RICH, POOR, MIDDLE CLASS ALTHO I WOULDN'T ACCEPT A PANSY ASS SKIRT LIKE YOU INTO MY GANG
( ・-・) You sick, sick butthole licking UNIX fags. How DARE you use the disgusting and fecal OS that is Linux. Windows is BEST! You fags get raped in the mind by Tux. His fag penguin guise makes you shreik out in terror for Windows, but he fuckes you so much you are forced to use Linux. I bet the fags who reply to this are being ass raped as we speak. Linux is buggy, slow, bloated and turns you into a fag. Windows is best! You huge fruits and your lies about bill games must cease.
( ・-・) I need pictures of your fingernails for a research project I am doing for Columbia University. Preferably extreme closeup of your cuticles. If you could cut them slightly open with a razor blade, just so a little blood leaks onto them.. that would be awesome.
( ・-・) You present a real and true perspective. A perspective of one who spends all his time surfing conspiracy websites and schizophrenic web forum postings, disregarding anything that conflicts with a predetermined conspiracist conclusion.
( ・-・) faggot! get the fuck out of here. we don't take kindly to you people around here. you're worse than the niggers. at least the niggers are predictable - they just want to make illegitimate children, eat fried chicken, and steal cars - you faggots, who the fuck knows what you're going to do next?

( ・-・)One day Captain Kirk was maiming his cock with a horseshoe when suddenly Mr. Spock ran up to him and shoved his pointy ear up his butt. "What is this for!" the fag captain said. "FAGS FOR YOU AALL!L!!!" the ancient alien howled as suddenly he farted and Captain Kirk twirled around in a daze and his foreskin twisted and his kidney stones turned into wooden beads. He pulled out his pistol and shot lasers at his chastity belt and suddenly he hurdled his dick into Captain Kirk's bellybutton and it tore his flesh while Spock fucked his stomach. Kirk hollered out loud and Mr. Spock threw his shoes to the floor and wrinkled his penis until Kirk bellowed out to make it stop. A maelstrom of shit whizzed around the ship and suddenly a giant fag appeared out side and the U.S.S. Enterprise went up his butt. "Oh what the hell have you gotten us into NOW!" Captain Kirk said as he oozed a condom back on his dick and put his panties back on. OOH!H!!!!!! Mr. Spock started fucking him again and shoved his phazer up his butt. He dissolved his glands and exploded his turds and finally a queer klingon hurdled through the door and smashed Kirk with his butt hairs. A maniac sucked his dick and suddenly Mr. Spock fagged Kirk so hard that his intestines burst open and he died.
( ・-・) gurl what design patterns u into? i'm into: bridge / command / interpreter / prototype / flyweight / strategy / builder / abstract factory / proxy / facade / composite / chain of responsibility / decorator / adapter / factory method / observer / memento / template method / visitor / iterator / mediator / state / singleton
( ・-・) I cut myself because I find it an artform, just like tattoo's, but I LIKE cutting a beautiful drawing into myself, as I did it and I drew it. But I did cut along time ago so, that might be it. Anyway, I only cut when it fades and needs touching up, but it sure feels good!
( ・-・) No more group sex in the Jacuzzi, got it? You all kept me up until 4am, and all the chlorine in the world wouldn't get rid of the shit that I found swimming in this thing 20 minutes ago.
( ・-・) why dont animated gifs come with sound :(
( ・-・) Did You Know: As late as 1987, instruction booklets included in the classic Parker Bros. board game "Monopoly" contained directions for appointing one player as "The Jew"? It was not until the early 90s that references to "The Jew" were replaced by "The Banker" in all game packaging and accompanying material.
( ・-・) The strangest blow job I ever experienced was when I went to visit Shaq and friends in the locker room when he was still playing for LA. They held me down while Kobe held my mouth open and Shaq rammed his elephant trunk man hammer into my mouth. I immediately started gagging and throwing up but the meat missle was so big it held the barf back and it went into my stomach instead. Then they took me into the shower and proceeded to turn me into the team pin cushion, it was like I was a tapestry in a sewing maching I got skewered for hours and I loved it. They finished off my visit with Shaq punching me in the throat and taking a huge dump on my forehead and making me lick his balls while he decorated my skull. It was great. I love black cock, I can't get enough its like catnip.
( ・-・) But anyway, my dad is said to have a ten inch cock, but I have not seen it since I was five, so I don't remember.
( ・-・) oh yeah you're such a dirty girl arent you year girl why dont you jack off daddy yeah take daddy's hard cock in your tiny little doll hands oh yeah that feels so good now jerk daddy's cock off back and forth you little whore oh yeah
( ・-・) What the fuck does that have to do with anyhting. Do you have a dick in your ear or something. i dont want your fuckin apology, I want you to just log off, stop fuckin writing me period and then go to your mothers room, eat her out, beside the drawers, next to the trash cans, and then tell her I appreicate her shaving my balls b/c its really hard to do it myself. Until next time, fuck you and use your teeth to pick the hairs off my ass. ha ha.

(・∀・) SUPER DERAILMENT!

( ・-・) Wait, that worked?

( ´ω`) It was a cold life... one with less mittens.

Grandpa, when are you going to die so I can collect your insurance?