I was born an insufferable hipster. In elementary school I never understood why other children liked boring mainstream shit like batman, power rangers, teenage mutant ninja turtles, and dinosaurs. In middle school I didn't understand the appeal of boy bands, skateboards, Star Wars, and Britney Spears. By high school I'd learned to just block out pop culture completely.

I eventually learned to hide my distaste for mainstream pop culture in order to make friends, but it still slips out sometimes. The other night my friends mentioned Seinfeld and I accidentally blurted out "man, I hate Seinfeld" because man, I really do hate Seinfeld. It's so fucking bland. They just stared at me in disbelief and tried unsuccessfully to convince me that Seinfeld is good. I just nodded and lied "yeah, I probably just need to give it another chance."

Even after years of trying to force myself to enjoy the mainstream in order to fit in, I've completely failed. If anything, I've grown even more judgmental. For example, my sister-in-law has a tattoo of Hello Kitty holding an AK-47. When I was younger I might have found it amusing, because at least it's trying to subvert the mainstream. But now it just seems so cringe-worthy to me. By trying to be edgy and funny, it achieves the exact opposite. It's just lazy, crass, and uncreative.

It seems to me that Sturgeon's Law really is true. But the question is, how can so many people really enjoy all this shit? I honestly don't understand the appeal. I used to think it was because I was "too smart," but a number of my friends who are smarter than myself still love basic mainstream culture.

So there's obviously a problem with me, not everybody else. Yet given a choice between feeling superior or inferior, it's better for my own self-preservation to choose the former. And so I remain a stuck-up elitist that looks down on everyone but tries to hide it to make friends.