>>0 gets an honorary mention in nearly all ITT threads relating to the previous poster, despite never making a single contribution of his own.
>>100 can liquefy his own brain at will without moving his head.
>>107 can tell how many months past its expiration date a carton of milk is.
>>109 can put his right hand in, put his right hand out, in, out, in, out, and shake it all about.
>>110 can mismatch his socks in such a way that his color choices aggravate others.
>>111 can instantly distinguish between a Nintendo DS and DS Lite at 1500 meters.
>>112's sleeves roll up on their own whenever he wears a long-sleeved shirt.
>>113 can predict which chamber a bullet is in while playing Russian roulette, but only after the gun has fired.
>>114
Can regenerate her hymen after sex an unlimited number of times.
>>115 can smoke an ungodly number of cigarettes at once in the same time it would take a mere mortal to drag on a single cancer stick.
>>116 can make people around him happy, but only if no one is watching.
>>117 is invincible when he does battle against zombies, but only the p-zombie type.
>>121 Can read the entire New York Times while taking a crap.
>>122 can crap any newspaper you ask him for, but it will always be the September 24, 1993 issue.
>>123 can time travel to September 24, 1993 as often as he wishes, but he can't do anything differently than he did the first time.
>>126 can eat depleted uranium and crap weapons-grade plutonium, but only up to fifteen micrograms a month.
>>127 can predict the future, but only up to 10 seconds from the present
>>129 can build a functioning public telephone out of index cards. Unfortunately, the only currency it will take are Roman Denarii, and all phone numbers have to begin with 555.
>>130 can scary anyone away with his ugly foot‼ Shamefully, a skin on it is too sensitive to light.
>>131 has super strength, but in an ironic twist of fate, everything posted in the "Previous Poster is Unfathomably Weak" thread applies to him.
>>135's poop is slightly more nutritious than the average stool.
>>136 can name any thread's 999th post, but only after it has been posted.
>>137 has the ability to predict when a thread will reach 1GET
>>138 can accurately predict what's for lunch. 97% of the time.
>>139 can determine the precise composition of any radioactive substance by eating it.
>>140 Is able to take an expression out of context further than anyone else.
Can serve as the post I reply to in order to see what the current timestamp is so I can judge if DQN is still active after me being away for more or less years.
>>146 can detect glow in the dark butt hats from Guam. But only when he is in Guam.
>>149 is able to take personal offense at widespread cultural trends.
>>150 can regrow any limb he loses, much like a lizard. Unlike lizards, however, he must eat the lost limb first.
>>152 can gain any ability possessed by an ancestor of his. Sadly, the ancestor is picked at random and herding, plowing and stone-knapping aren't very useful skills.
>>155 can tell what time it was exactly 10,000 years ago from the present moment.
>>156 can create THE HARDEST METAL KNOWN TO MAN... by playing his guitar.
>>157 owns a pet neutrino. At any moment, he is able to tell its exact position and velocity. He keeps track of this data on a mildly successful blog with the title "Suck It, Heisenberg".
>>158 knows instantly whenever threads on any bulletin board reach their 157th post and can always achieve 158GET through psychokinesis, regardless of his proximity to a computer with Internet access.
>>159 can heal grave wounds by applying melted DVDs that stored anime.
>>161 can accurately assess how much profit a video game released this year would have made if it had been released five years ago.
When standing in a supermarket queue, >>162's wallet will always contain precisely 70 cent less than the price of his purchases. Economists dread the day he decides to go shopping for a 69 cent item.
>>164 can, with a tiny gesture, precisely deflect a drop of rain so it goes behind your glasses and right into your open eye.
>>166 is able to link with the fictional beasts of the movie Avatar
>>168 Can rescue his grandmother from the Bugblatter Beast of Trall more quickly than a Vogon can.
>>169 can predict the ending of any Youtube Poop video ever made.
>>171's death will destroy the universe, but only by certain philosophical concepts.
>>173 can type faster than anyone on the planet, but only if he's using a sanskrit keyboard.
>>176 can turn into an angsty teenager, but has no control over this power.
>>177 can become charming, well-spoken, and handsome, but only when no one else is around.
>>179 can enter into a deep, catatonic reverie as long as no one is around.
>>181 has the power to kill himself by saying a magic two-line ritual.
>>183 can recite the source code for any program he executes.
>>188 can /away on IRC like a pro, even though no one /msg's him in the first place.
>>189 can use two computers simultaneously to tank his own characters on any given MMORPG.
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>>193 can cause fizzy drinks to go flat just by staring at them.
>>199 has the unconditional ability of receiving all the blame of the previous poster's deliberate attempt at messing up the posting order.
ITT the next poster now has a largely useless super power.