I was going to ask this question to the last poster in the Baby Human topic, but decided I should probably make atopic out of it.
Well, how do you survive? Live with your parents, work off the internet, live with other relatives, supported by girlfriend/friends, still go to school, still go to work, inheritage, participate in money farming?
Post your source of income here, along with your age, if you feel like it.
As for me: Age 21. I live with my parents, but most of my income comes from my community college (still trying to get through it). The rest comes from different things I've done online, like checks from those free Ipod sites and ads on sites I've ran.
I just turned 18, going back to school after 2 years of extreme isolation. Am supported by my mom who works a decent job. Became a shut-in because of distraction in high-school (day dreaming, drawing, Asperger's type shit), failing, and not living up to earlier accomplishments (gifted student, etc.). Still quite self-absorbed, except the social apathy has been slowly diminishing the more I get out (it's turning into social anxiety). I really didn't feel comfortable with anything except patterns and numbers (math basically) and while absent from school I've developed a great passion for it.
I'm 20, turning 21 in two months. haven't gone to college yet.
I don't like to consider myself a hikki, but it seems like the more I try to find another way to describe it, the more I end up describing it.
I guess I should describe my situation. Started before I was in highschool I guess. Back then I didn't realize it, or maybe I did, but didn't want to admit it. I always tried to ditch my friends and just returned home from junior high. This wasn't much, but I think it may have lead to my current situation.
During HS, I didn't make much in the way of friends. The friends I did make weren't people I hung out with after school or anything, just people I knew in school, I didn't really date much, or rather, at all. People did call me rather unsociable then. The friends I had in junior high had drifted apart from me, or rather, I drifted from them.
It was like that for 4 years. Surprisingly. I had a girlfriend, but it was an internet relationship. I was really lonely back then, and I accepted anything. It lasted one year, and when I look back now, I realize how much of a bitch she was.
She broke up with me before my senior prom, so I though maybe I can change my ways if I go. No, not really, a girl I talked to tried to help, and I thank her for it, but she failed to get me fully out of my shell.
So I graduated. And stayed at home with my father. who worked almost 24/7 So I was basically alone. I sat in my room, my only contact with the outside world was the internet. I had cousins and even a friend right next door, but I drifted from them too. I never went outside, the only times I did was to head to the store to grab a snack. I dreaded it.
I rarely took a shower, I had to force myself to take one atleast once a week.
I had a problem with schooling, I wasn't sure what I was gonna do since I didn't register for college. I thought maybe I could work for a year then register for college during it. But during the summer, I still had no job. My father figured it may be best to send me to my mother. That I may enjoy a change a scenery and be more independent that way. She lived in the country, so a person had to learn things they wouldn't normally do in a huge city where I once lived.
I moved in late July'05.
So there I was, at my mother's with the rest of the family. What was I going to do? The first mission for me was to get a job. But in order to do that, I would need to learn how to drive, since driving was imperative down in the country when compared with the public transportation I had a luxury of choosing from in the city. It took me more than a month to get my permit. Which is pretty long considering it was only the permit, a paper test I needed to take and could have taken had I quit stalling. Something I have a horrible habit of doing.
Once I got my permit, I just needed experience. however, experience came in long bouts of cycles. Whenever I was ready to drive my mother wasn't, when my mother was, I wasn't ready. This was mostly due to my sleeping habits. habits I find hard to change. I stayed awake until 4am back then, and woke at 11 or 12pm. my mother woke at 6am and came back home to sleep or do various things after dropping off my siblings at school if they had missed the bus.
It took me a year to get my license, a year. It shouldn't have took that long, especially with my search for a job. I obviously didn't get a job until I got my license. I first applied to Walmart, I recieved no calls. I applied to, well, truthfully, I only applied to walmart. I wanted a job badly, but I, for some reason, was hesitant, about filing out applications. I really did want one, but I seemed to not be agressive about it. Later, a friend of my brother's gave me info that a fast food resturant he worked at was hiring. I drove with him to it, filled out an application, and talked with the manager. He wanted to see me the day after, early morning.
I was kinda happy, and scared about it. But I went to sleep and prepared myself. Everyone in my family, especially my father, was happy about it. And at the same time, everyone seemed amazed. I hated that amazement, but sadly understood it. The morning came, and as if the devil himself wanted me to suffer. I couldn't get there. the keys to the car were missing. On the important day, the keys were missing and couldn't be found. My family looked everywhere for them. I even thought about walking to the job, but even though it was a short distance by car, it was a long distance by foot. and I was already late. I ended up calling the restuarant manager and telling him the situation. He said it was ok, and that if they ever needed me, they would call back. of course, they didn't.
week after, I filled out another application to a retail chain, sadly, no luck. I got an application for another fast food chain, but never filled it out. I wanted a job, I really truly did. But at the same time, I never placed effort into getting one. I thought maybe something was wrong with me, maybe I have ADD, maybe I'm depressed, or lack motivation. I don't know, and still don't know.
I think my luck somewhat changed around Nov '06 When I finally heard of some temp agency through an extended family member. I applied. and while I had a little mishap with them and the first job. I got the second one right. My first day was unloading things of a truck. It was cold, but I did the job the best I could. I found it tedious, and boring, and my fingers hurt from the cold. But atleast I was working, I was going to get a paycheck and finally help my family out. I was actually somewhat proud of myself. I knew secretly, everyone looked down on me. especially on my mother's side. She considered me a hermit, unsociable and weak. And I was finally proving them wrong. I was no longer always home, and never out. I could proudly say I had a job and that I couldn't do one thing because I had work the next day.
The people at work were friendly. I liked them all, well, except for one guy, but that was because he blamed me for something I just didn't do. I brushed him off. Anyway, They were for the most part, very friendly. Some even invited me to dates and parties when it came friday. I declined. Why? I'm not sure, I guess I was still scared of meeting new people. I wanted to, but I was too scared. I especially wanted to meet girls. But as I said, I was scared, atleast I think I was.
2007 came and I was still working, I had actually planned to quit working so that I could go to school, but things didn't pan out so I continued working. It came to the end of April, I left my job. Why? I was trying desperately to get into college. however, the college of my choice never sent a response back, and the second college of my choice... well, I blame it somewhat on my ineptness, stalling, and the rest on my high school's way of doing things. So I was stuck jobless and no school. Limbo. After leaving so soon, going back to the job with such a goodbye they gave me felt... bad. I didn't want to go back, but wanted to.
The guys there, I felt like some of us were becoming actual friends, especially this one cool guy who him and me would normally play games with, I somehow lost 99% of the time.
But fate hates me. I didn't want to swallow my pride and go back.
I haven't had a job since, I haven't tried to register to school either. I felt like registering is too much of a bother now. since I'm just going to be feed the same bullshit I was feed last time with my HS sending my papers. I figured maybe it would be better if I got a GED and used that instead. My mother was against it.
My new plan is to get a job fulltime and to go to school partime. But I'm still in limbo. My family desperately needs some added income. I want to work, but something holds me back. I haven't filled out an application, even though I have one in front of me and another two can be filled on the internet for my convenience. Something holds me back and I can't figure out what. I could say it's fear, but what am I afraid of? What? What?! WHAT!?
I barely step outside nowadays. barely take a shower. I force myself to take one atleast once a week. I stay up until 6am. I try to go to bed earlier, but It's hard. I'm taking St. John's Wort in the hope that maybe it may help me, but it's not working. I want to see a doctor, but that would cost money, money my family doesn't have. And as I sit here typing this thing out. I'm tearing up, trying not to cry. I hate this life, I really do. But there doesn't seem to be a way out. It seems almost impossible to get out off. I tried searching for some help online but I don't know what to search for...
I'm stuck. And it may be because of my serious lack of motivation. Something I've tried to help mutiple times but can't overcome. It's too great an obstacle for me. it really is.
I don't even know why I'm posting this here, I guess because it's anonymous, that I'm trying to cry for help amongst the only people I want to know that I have a problem. And you guys, may be people who actually have a solution. although I doubt it. who knows though.
'mylifeneedshelp' I have a few ideas for you, these are pretty basic.
First is try to get some exercise, even if its inside your house, but better yet take a walk around the block, at night and no-one is around, if its hard for you.
Break down everything you need to do into smaller jobs. With that application, fill out just a line for now.
Plan everything in advance, say fill in a line of your application at 11am, another line at 12pm, another at 1pm, you get the picture. As you complete one job, the following become easier and easier, you just need to take that first step, and follow it with a second, like learning to walk again.
I do think you are depressed, look around this site, particularly this page for some potential self-help, using cognitive behavior therapy, since you can't afford a doctor, you can try things to improve even if it only helps a little.
http://cbtexplained.com/activate.php
Well, thats my measly contribution, if I think of anything more useful, I'll post it.
I WILL go outside today.
>>105
Thanks. I really don't think I'm depressed, since it doesn't seem like I fit the symptoms, but that could just be because I'm not objective. Since that post though, I'm somewhat taken your advice, I went out and ran. My legs are still aching a bit, today I did some arm exercises. Tomorrow I'll run again. Right now it's only at night, when the least amount of people are out, but I hope it helps. I really do want to get out and all, even if it's just for work. I haven't filled out an application though. But I'll try... the only problem though is when they ask for references. heh.
Why?
My trick when I attempt to venture outdoors is to go out late at night when the city is asleep. While I'm a bit more paranoid, I'm less anxious. Or something.
I dunno what to classify my self as. I can go outside and talk to people; I don't really have a problem with that. It's just that I hate doing anything. Everything I do is half-assed. I love being in my room. I wish everything outside would dissapear. I hate everything outside of my house. I love anime. I want to be free like that someday. Not literally of course cause anime is just a drawn tv show. I want to be able to venture out and do the things I want to do. (I just stumbled upon this board so yea haha) I was reading in earlier posts about creating anime. I would love to do that. I wouldn't need to be paid anything; just the fact of working on something like that would be enough for me. I don't have any talents. I can't draw, I can't do really anything with the computer, all I can do is think of these stories that always play out in my head. With me though I'm split in two. The only way I can cope with my friends outside is to lie about everything. I lead like a double-life. To them I'm someone else than I actually am. If they knew what I did when I wasn't hanging out with them; they'd probably think I was some kinda weirdo, but it gets me by. Slowly but surely I'm molding the two together, but I don't know how much longer I can hold up. I want to break haha. As for income; I don't work (17) I sorta mooch off my dad (My mom passed a couple years ago) not really mooch. He provides the necessities to live thats about it. Oh and inter-tubes XD Well hopefully someone will reply cause this is the first time I've ever posted about this in my life... or even said something like this to anyone. Normally it's all bottled up in my head....which sucks.
>>111
I'm about 20 now.
It hasn't been long since I was your age, but I was a lot different than I am now - my life was quite a bit like yours.
The only difference is that I did go out sometimes, but I was in the same mood.
I think you're being a bit too heavy with yourself. Why not take yourself a little more lightly? You're 17, you don't have to be a genius or a social prodigy. Maybe this pressure you've developed is what keeps you from enjoying "life outside". So what if you spend most of your time in your computer? Looking back, I realize that this is what actually almost everyone I knew then did. From the geeks to the most popular girls (MSN, Orkut, MySpace, etc). So there really isn't a problem with that, and there was, it's your life, no one's got shit to do with your free time, right?
Something I used to do a lot, and made me feel better (and know some people too) was to just go out randomly sometimes. I"d get home from school, eat something, change my clothes, and go out, anywhere. It was good.
So, take it easy. Things can be funnier, but you've gotta be funnier too (that is, you gotta be a little less worried or negative).
my government pays me, and will continue to pay me for about 15 months. i don't know what will happen after that. i'm studying at home, though the last 6 months were filled with drugs and non-stop internet use. i'm ruining my life.
it's just that from the moment you learn to accept you will never know love, accepting you will never have a decent socio-economical status becomes rather easy in comparison. also, i'm living in a socialist country (which is why my government still pays for studying at age 23) so i might actually survive without regular employment. i haven't checked that out though. if i were certain i could be living this life till i die without consequences, i would have no motivation anymore for studying at all.
i've come from far greater depths. today i'm not paranoid anymore, i'm not a drug addict anymore, i can talk to strangers, i can socialize, etc... all things i have done great efforts for to learn on my own. still, without love i still don't feel an incentive to leave this room, even though i'm perfectly able to.
oh well, we'll see what happens. i can't deny that deep down my masochistic self is rather enjoying this whole situation. it's one of those few occasions for which self-loathing has a use.
Female Hikikomori sucks. Young female Hikikomori sucks worse.
Under 14. I haven't left the house for anything but a routine doctor visit in four - six months. Even then, I was on fucking edge. Being terrified to leave your own home, or even your own room, is awful. I'm fairly sure this shit resulted from subsequent mental abuse from my family- Which makes it even more frustrating. PTSD. Being scared of people isn't cool. My education is failing, and I have nearly exhausted my options as far as future work. Life sucks.
>>114
You could get decent money from doing self-shot solo porn (Like Ishotmyself.com for example).
Doesn't matter if ur fat, hairy, have small tits, anything. There is a niche for everyone
> Female Hikikomori sucks. Young female Hikikomori sucks worse.
why?
>>114
You don't have PTSD. That's an insulting thing to say. You get PTSD from watching people die, or getting tortured-- not from your parents being mean to you, no matter how mean they are.
I don't doubt that you have anxiety about leaving the house. This is a recognized social problem in Japan and I'm sure in the 21st century it will become more prevalent in America as well. (You might be interested in learning Japanese to translate the popular literature on the subject.) The origins of this anxiety are not well understood, but it is generally believed that they result from being very shy in general, not from parental trauma.
>>115
Don't tell a 13 year old to get into porn, especially someone who is already shy. That's extremely demeaning.
Im not Japanese so i don't exactly qualify, but when i was 14 i had quite bad agoraphobia and didn't leave the house for around 6 months, i was eventually put into care, its something you really need to overcome cause its a sucky way to spend your life, i just used to sit in bed all day and obsessively play final fantasy 8.
I had no internet either haha, I'm 19 now and don't have much anxiety anymore but i have bipolar 2 with mild psychosis, i am on the invalids benefit so me and my partner get around $500 pw for food and accommodation and stuff and i also am aloud to work around 12 hours a week but i have to have stuff signed from my doctor to say i can, But i also make dresses and things for people
so yeah, if you want to get better you need to get in touch with some doctors and people that can help you, possibly go on something like prozac/citalapram for anxiety maybe even vallium for the first few weeks of leaving as it will be intense
I work online.
>>114
Don't ditch everybody just yet. You're still young and there are good people out there if you look really hard.
You sound like my kind of girl. I prefer people who keep to themselves, not the obnoxious loudmouth whores who I have to put up with.
Yo yo yo
Long time hikikomori here, dropped out of the 5th grade and have been a hiki since.
I started therapy, so wish me luck, maybe I can become normal again!
I work for a company in my country doing textures and stuff for them, i don't need to go out of my house too.
thats my shit! man feels good when you know there other people like you. Im not sure us hikkis can be normal again. those fake extrovert smiles piss me off. another thing is it is not fucking cool to be no damn hikki just cause youve seen it somewhere. I spend most of my time watching anime getting bitched at for something I have no control and Im a hypocrite, to no surprise, because I still wanna believe theres a place for me in society, true desu ka ne?
truth is you cant because people will laugh and criticize you because 1 either they dont like it 2 theyve never seen such behavior and they will force you to conform to theyre ways. Ex. its like trying to tell another person there religion is wrong ne? so why should i conform to something I dont like 1 because I dont want to 2 because I cant. just like there are extroverts doesnt mean there shouldnt be any introverts. then its a never ending feud because I might criticize aswell myself.
life is the matrix dont die for it.its all a fantasy man im telling you.there is a possobility you might never know true love so might as well be a hikki and live free.extroverts and introverts live different lives. there is nobody out there who will help you and give a fuck. trust me man ive seen hatred. live for yourself and dont show other people what you can do. there bound to clown on you anyway as if they know life and death. so live free I say.
I just realized its okay to be introverted I think I became a hikki cause people thought I was weird and didnt like it so thus oppression from extroverts. you dont have to conform to society its a bitch cause people dont like it. it may be superficial but I think you have to be a bit extrovert to help your introvertedness cause a lot of people misinterpret or misunderstand introverts. to take it lightly people dont know what to say to us and introverts try to clear the tension by having a talk
something we clearly suck at so thus a hikki was born. I think it is alright if you accept you like being alone most of the time like spike spiegel, nagato yuki, or ayanami rei. consider yourself a bookworm. I bet most of us value thinking, ideas, and analyzing.I take anime like reading a book, different genres, stories etc. you dig if you dont have friends dont worry about it in life you only keep a few bout 2 or 3. Im being serious the way I seen shit work out here in LA man only a few good friends take
care of each other. Im 19 and Ive got bout 5 friends the rest is people I just know. I only kick it with bout those 5 and thats it.
ive been a shuttin for 4 plus years, I read a lot of articles about hikikomoris and agoraphobics and all the so called experts seem way off, im 24 now and work online for chacha making around 10 bucks a day. I think part of my problem is I am unhappy with living an ordinary(wasteful) life filled with stress. I am a bit of a misanthrope but at the same time I long for people. If I could go further away I would, ive never been suicidal tho. Anyway thats my two cents worth of ramblings, its a lot more complicated tho and it is difficult to map it all out.
"Wannabe hikkikomoris" are the same people here who call themselves "introverted". They just want a glamorous name for being socially retarded.
>>134
Please. Being introverted has nothing to do without being socially retarded.
But "wannabe hikkikomoris" is stupid, that said. It's like saying "wannabe depressives" or "wannabe lunatics", or "wanna shoot myself in the foot".
I'm not a hikikomori anymore, but I'm still fucked up and socially isolated.
Can't remember if I made this topic, but if I did I meant it as sort of an insult. In the way that a lot of people wanted to call themselves "hikkikomori" even if it wasn't the proper phrase.
lol metro detroit, im there too
thats funny though, i hope to be in your same situation with a wife thats the breadwinner
ive always wanted to be a housedad :D
i am 21 from england and havnt been out for the majority of 5 years now. How has anyone else recovered from spending so much time alone?
what jobs do you do? do you still live with family?
to anonymous 134 if I wanted attention I wouldnt be writing a fuckin essay now would I. I am here because I wouldnt purposely act like a fuckin moron and humiliate myself. Its called phobia and the shit I experience I wouldnt lie bout it just for someone to tell me its gonna be alright when the superficial reality is nobody gives a fuck if you die. I just wanna live my life without this shit. like I said I live in LA and bout 75% of the fuckin US is extroverted.
the world has problems you know even you or unless youre a fuckin bully ignorant to the other side of the situation. the US is too conservative think about it not to long ago americans thought homos were sexual predators in search for your bootyhole. chemical imbalance in your brain is a biological disorder like a person who has no legs and for example they get mad at the fool because he cant play soccer so is this his fault no its absurd.
having that name, hikikomori, is not glamorous at all when everyday you wake desparing over what if. do some research before you come in here insulting and underestimating people like I do to emos who cut themselves cuz they saw a dead bird lol. waking up to only suffering is cool man? fuck off. its only despair when you cant do a goddamn thing when your fighting insanity but watch it like watching someone get killed or traumatized and then being catatonic.
1 bad day can make you go mad like having 6 years of past horrors overload your mind in a mere 30 seconds leaving you helpless when your brain doesnt do what you tell it. and I think, oh man, Im a hikikomori because it sounds cool. tell me this what kind of cool does a 19 yr old have to show to people who despise him? what do I gain? I am socially inept not because I wanted to but because 1 bad day can make you forget the rules.
one more thing hikikomoris dont know how to act in society so they shut themselves in. sides with everything lost and no friends I value this pain and I believe I havent been born a second time that is why Im in this dilemna. dont think were just some winnies cause we shut ourselves in. Ive done some shit Ive had my girlfriends, Ive had my sessions hotboxing. Its just that one bad day that did it all.
by the way did anyone get intel on the dude who killed three people and injured 20 who dressed and called himself the joker, you know batman, apparently he also laughed like him when they interrogated him.
I hope you're not writing an essay, your writing style is awful. Also leaps of logic lol.
thanx man. I do that alot. but if you want to insult me go ahead Im through with playing the arrogant asshole who think they are always correct. one thing is for sure, your helping me fight back.
>the arrogant asshole who think they are always correct
Funnily enough, that's exactly how you sound.
That said, it takes nothing out of your suffering I guess, but I really think you need to chill out and stop thinking too much with yourself.
Does anyone recommend any online jobs? I still have trouble walking outside...
>>149
One good work that doesn't involve getting out is tech support and/or order taking, some companies allow work from home. You'll still need to be able to talk to people over the phone, but it's not like you'll need to do chit chat.
http://www.avclub.com/articles/inventory-12-famous-living-recluses,1983/
Rather than being a hikikomori, I've always wanted to be a recluse in the mold of these fellows. Fame is a bit of a requisite, though.
>>150 Do you need an online degree? How about forex?
I just re-enrolled in high school for the first time in 4 years i'm rlly nervous i've spent 2 of those 4 years locked up in my room never going outside or talking to anyone.
Not much of a hikokimori now but i have some expirience.
Sysadmin - you do most stuff online and when you have to go fix something personally you just come, do your stuff, leave and its enough
Online trade - ebay and alike - ocassional visits to post office is manageable
I leech from my parents or should i say my hardworking mom.
Still living with her and doing nothing to help her.
well I've come out of that situation where I'm not that scared to go out anymore. One day I just said fuck it, because I'm a man I will go out, get a job, do that sort. I'm putting my ideas bout people in play, and also made a new discovery, I usually only cared bout my own happiness but then started helping people out and someone said thanx. It was probably the first time I heard anyone thank me in such a manner, I guess it mattered because it came from the heart, lmfao. Yeah stupid but even these little things can help you along the way, though i have no sense of moral justice, it doesn't hurt to want to help others. It's take care of your own hide or sacrafice yourself to help others, dunno, it's its own reward.
>>156 this is gold ^_^
But you're right, hikikomori are very self-centered people, just like any depressive person.
>>137
What, because the term is Japanese? Hikikomori is not a term that only applies to Japanese people. It's a Japanese term, but the Japanese would use it to describe a similar situation in any other country.
That's like saying I can't call myself Hakujin (white person) because it is a Japanese term and I am a white person. Language is just language, douchebag.
When I lived in London I didn't leave the house, except to walk my dog at 2am, for several years.
Now I live in a very remote house in Scotland, 35 miles from town and 3 miles from the nearest neighbour. The remoteness means I obviously still have some severe social problems but, being on the edge of the largest wilderness area in the UK, I can actually leave the house without fear of being robbed, judged or humiliated.
I review PhD papers and do some proof reading. The money isn't great, but I get by and the rents up here are absurdly low.
Proof reading is a great way of making money at home, but beware the 'proof-reading course' scams.
I get referred to as a hermit. I do freelance comics from home and on the rare occasion will venture out to help little old ladies with computer problems (sadly that pays a lot better than the comics I put so much work into). Still doesn't make me nearly enough to move out of my parents' place. One of my friends has been trying to get me into Forex recently.
I frequently take long walks sometime between 3am and sunrise when there are the least amount of people milling about. I live in NYC so it's almost impossible not to avoid people completely.
I work, a lot. I save up money. When i have enough, I retreat.
I haven't been touched by a sun beam, or moon beam in almost four years. Literally, I have been in one room. A friend of mine brings me food, good food, very healthy.
I am socially masterful. I am very hard working, and highly skilled. I attract many friends, and lovers. I am admired by many, and even arouse jealousy in others.
I retreat because people make me sad. I feel their fear, their sadism, and the death behind their eyes. I can't take it. It drives me insane, and makes me suicidal. I retreat to survive.
I'm just learning this hikki term, and I'm not like the people I've see portrayed. First of all, I refuse to play video games. I love them, but it's just too numbing, to powerful.
I've been locked up in my room for about 4 years, not attending college & have no job. When around people I always believe everyone is mocking me and out to make me miserable. I sleep until 4pm, and sleep at 7am. I want to change how I am, but whenever im close to it I begin to think how it's all just going to fuck up and hurt me even more, so I just stay right where i'm at, where it's safe. I've been looking around the past couple of days for people going thru the same thing, came across the whole Hikikomori thing and all that. Since then i've been feeling alot more positive, probably because i'm basically able to have an outside look on myself. Well dinner's at the door so Im off to grab it.
>>162 I surmise you live by your parents. Do you know how they manage to put up with those 4 years? Don't they tell you something? Not even to share house chores? Do you actually speak with your parents?
I actually live with them. And we really don't talk much at all
Mom usually tries to startup conversation with me, rare occasions my father does too. They tell me I need to get out, I have so much potential but I don't believe that i'm frightened of the world and I think they realized that and is most likely the reason why they continue to put up with it. Don't get me wrong, Im aware that i'm most likely hurting them by being like this, and I do love them both dearly I know they care about me. I don't enjoy being like this more so doing this to them. I've posted here randomly not to be some wannabe or be ridiculed but to find some help some advice something that could help. I can't talk like this in person, and even writing all this is still hard for me. Im already thinking how all of you will laugh, ridicule me.
>>165 don't worry, my point is not to ridicule you, I know that you are in pain and suffering, that this is something very serious. It's just that since you wished to speak about yourself, I wanted to understand better your situation. BTW, do you have siblings?
My first advice to you would be to go see a psychologist, someone who can help you on your anxieties and depression. My second advice would be that you start investigating on the net (and perhaps talking to your parents) about about getting an education/training based on mentoring, which means that you are being followed on a one to one basis by your educator. This would allow you a soft re-entry into society, rather than just join a big faceless education/job system. Inform yourself about what's available to you in your surroundings, and chose your favorite option.
Anyway, don't think your problem is ridiculous or unique. Many people suffer from it, sometimes very talented ones (Nick Drake comes to mind, check him out on wikipedia). You need help, and an adapted form of education and training, just like a myopic person needs glasses to see correctly.
I'm going to look into mentoring and try to see a psychologist. Also I do have a younger sister, thank you for the advice and taking time to help a random person :D I really appreciate it, and tho I don't know you it means alot. I will keep you updated
>>167 It's my pleasure. Do keep us posted on your situation, I'm interested in seeing how you progress, and perhaps we can provide you with some useful input. But open a new thread dedicated to your situation, as this one deals with a specific and limited question.
>tho I don't know you it means alot
Sure, people are not just crap, they can help you if you let yourself be helped.
This thread depresses me
>>166
I googled mentoring for my area after reading this and only found stuff I would never want to do (like plumbing)
where do I look for more info?
In regards to the original topic. I leech off my wealthy parents, i think it is one of the contributing factors as to why i became hikkimori, was because life, love and society got too much for me and instead of fighting for my survival i just retreated back to the comfort of my old home/room. I've been here for 2 nearly 3 years, barely leaving the house let alone my room. I'm now 27 and feel too old to re-enter society. I over indulge in various forms of escapism, books, anime, video-games, the internet and of course porn. yeah like most hikki's i've struggled with anxiety prior to sad and selfish lifestyle.
I'm a hikky, but go to work. But i don't get much contact to other people there... so it's a win/fail situation for a hikky.
Well, atleast not a NEET. orz
>>174
go back to /b/
also why not work, it's like recovering. it was worser before for me.. still not the best yet.
Yes because you can go to work while being locked inside your room right? Gee, just because you're a shut-in does not mean you are a hikikomori. If you don't know what it means, don't use it.
I just got a job today. It's my first job in four years. I deliver pizza for a gourmet pizzeria in the downtown area of where I live. I'm 22 and before this all I've done is fast food industry stuff. When I was 16 I got my first job and hated it. I hate working, I wish I was a genius so I could think up a way to never have to work again. All I want to do is stay in my room and read my books, study and work towards a degree. But I don't have the money for school, I can't get a scholarship and for some reason I keep failing to get grants. I used some money I had saved up and bought an RV. I used to live at a camp ground, that was a pretty cool time in my life. Now I'm parked in my mom's back yard and I have to shit in the woods because my holding tanks fill up. I hate my life sometimes but then I think about all the ways that it's better than most peoples. I OWN my friggin road-house, I have a pretty cool lifestyle and once I get back on my feet I wont have to shit in the woods anymore. Delivering pizza is a nice job and I get to see some pretty weird shit. My job before this was delivering chinese food around the same area and I got to meet strippers, hookers, crack whores and homeless people on a day-to-day basis. It's a fun way to pass the time and make money. But I need a hobby, cause when I'm not working I'm jerkin off and my dick is getting pretty raw. Maybe I'll start building gundam models for my cock's sake. I know people that enjoy that and they seem like cool people. Oh, sorry for rambling, I do that often. I have to go back to work now.
>>178
troll?
if not, in which country do you lifte?
>>177
A hikkikomori is, by Japanese standards, someone who hasn't left his or her house in excess of six months. Going OUTSIDE to work means you have left the house, engaged in actual activities. Outside of your house. Which is not in your room. Which means you are a "recovering" "hikki", or just a dumbass who wishes he can label himself so he's speshul and more Japanese.
I thought this place was merely visited by people with some degree of intelect, since they tend to care about the facts somewhat. Too bad this is going down the dumps too.
I live in the good'ol USA.
You kids and your elitist vocabulary. :3 I'll probably get flamed and told to goto hell for this BUT since hikkikiomori and shut-in basically mean the same thing can we just agree to use the ladder and end this nonsense? How many of us are actually japanese? Most of us are probably american and european. Why not embrace our own culture and stop being parasites. Living in this fantasy where you're a hikkiomori ota, just because you think it's cool isn't helping you recover from this illness you like to label yourself with.
Now if after reading this paragraph you have a moment of clarity do not be alarmed. This indicates only that you're still sane and that there is hope for you.
Although I agree with you that giving yourself Zapanese labels is retarded. I am, and very much would like to keep beeing a parasite. Also, embracing your own culture and another culture with no problem. hurr
Oh I wasn't saying, or didn't mean to imply, that one couldn't embrace a foreign culture and lead a healthy lifestyle but I do see it causing an identity crisis here. You're going to keep running between the butt cheeks of society like a trapped gerbil if you don't come to terms with reality.
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I know that this thread is ancient, but I'll post anyway.
I don't like going outside and when I do get coerced into leaving my room, I usually end up sweating profusely like I'm in a sauna and get really nervous.
I hate leaving my room, even to use the bathroom (which I then turn to empty water bottles), and when I have to shit I either wait until night when everyone is asleep or wait till I'm sure nobody will see me.
I want to kill myself since I've already dropped out of highschool and I know that I won't ever do anything with my life.
Rich parents. The cure for all your blues.
I really wanted to be Hiki one more time but my parents would rather killed me, so i was obligated to enter a college or make slave job .
I truly belive Hiki being the noblest way of life, fuck them! I dont want nothing from society at all, just living playing Eroge, reading manga and watching anime this is all i need to live a happy life, 3d girls ? they should all just die.
>>188
Die in a fire.
>>189
You're thinking of NEETs', not hikkis', retard.
Is it so hard to understand that people who do anything to avoid even the slightest human contact by shutting themselves in their rooms, and even going so far as to piss in a fucking bottle to avoid people. It's not a temporary thing, it's not something you do because of a job, it's not something you do because it's fun. It's something you do out of pure fear, the kind of fear that you would much rather die than let a single person see you no matter who it is.
It's a horrible way to live and any semi-intelligent hikki knows this, which is why they turn to suicide, and if they can't do it then they know that it's just more time that they have to live a lonely, miserable, and pathetic existence until they either somehow manage to change themselves or just die. They usually die.
Drop the 'hikikomori', seriously. Just being a nerd living with your parents doesn't make you part of the big sociological problem that it is. Also there's a perfectly nice english term for it that we all are familiar with: NEET. And you guys that are studying don't even meet the requirements to be that either.
Hikki =/ NEET guis, seriously.
>>192 I'll take that. Sorry for the stupid post, it was in fucking terrible taste.
Question.. why not find a profession without the test-taking anxiety? like take up crafting leather (for real), making platemail, or moving somewhere remote and working as a forest ranger? There are lots of hiking/running hobbyists out there who wont talk your ear off.. sometimes a good long walk helps put it all into perspective. There are so many ways to live life.. don't buy the blue-print to success BS. Most people who look happy are really miserable.
BTW 27 years old is NOT useless. That's way young to be giving up. Lots of people respecialize or go back to school around 30 to try a new career path. The dirty secret is, after this last recession, the concept of a "career" is obsolete. Everyone's going to be freelanced/contracted labor eventually because thats how companys save money.
As a hiki or neet, you have advantages. You're ok living in smaller quarters, longer attention span, attention to patterns & detail, can live in remote places extros wouldn't dare, and you can get paid more by working night jobs which are generally undesirable to day-walkers. You just got to stop criticizing the character traits that make up who you are now, figure out what kind of critter you are, and get better at finding your tribe. Best of luck in your quest ~ you're not alone.
Sidenote about introverted character traits.. you realize (unless you have a kid) that you're at the end of your evolutionary line. If these character traits were so useless and bad, they would have been bred out of the gene pool centuries ago! There's a functional reason why you have the traits you do, which in different times could have meant you might have been the village shaman, scholar, night watchman, or ranger. Its really a shame how modern medicine tries to label everything a disease. You are a unique lifeform and the sooner you appreciate your rare gift of seeing things for what they are.. rather than what other people want you to see.. the sooner you can come to terms with how truly dissociative human societies are.
this thread is over a year old but ill post anyway
i have always lived in fear of being seen by other people and so i shut myself off from any human contact what so ever
i dont have any friends
and i stay at home all the time
maybe it all started because i was too smart
i could see peoples face and read their minds i knew exactly what they thought about me i could see disgust and anger in their faces
and this grew on
but being that smart has its ups and downs
i knew i couldnt live in fear all the time and if i continued to live like i did i would surely end my life
even though making money off the internet made ends meet
i knew it wasnt enough
so i came up with a way to deal with it
i started going out starting with a few minutes by shutting off other people in my mind
i stopped seeing other peoples faces and reading their body language and how they reacted to me
for me when i went out it was only me
and so i continued my routine and i'm glad to say that i'm over it if not totally or completely
now i can go out and interact with other people
which far more than what i could do when i was cooped up at home
hope any one who reads it will understand and implement what i have done so that it can help you as well
if not come up with an easier solution much preferable to you like i did and come out.
>>193
"Hikikomori" carries certain connotations that fit people here. We certainly meet the Japanese Ministry of Health's definition of what a hikikomori is. We are using it as a loan word, just as the Japanese took "NEET" from the UK. It's not just some half-baked attempt to feel Wapanese and important, though there's that too.