>>998 builds weapon factories in 2 neighboring countries, then tricks them into going to war with each other.
>>998 lobbied for legislation to ban "high capacity assault holy water" meaning any person could only legally possess 10 gallons or less of holy water at any given time.
>>998 convinced Congress to pass that legislation by manipulating public opinion using the #vampirelivesmatter hashtag.
>>998 created a real life Splatoon league. Every event is hosted inside historic buildings that should never be repainted.
>>998 replaced all of the suppositories with chalk pills infused with habanero
>>998 is rumored to be Beady Eyes and may attempt to derail this thread.
I offer to use all of my considerable ninja skills to protect >>939 in exchange for sex!
I took >>939 to a marksmanship class and helped him get a concealed gun permit.
I took >>939 to Poundland and taught him to protect his anus in prison.
>>998 steals safe to handle pet snakes, and leaves angry cobras and vipers in their place.
Yo, >>939! A hanging grand piano tied up with an old, frayed rope is probably not the best thing to be standing under!
TANASINN DAMN IT, HE WAS TOO YOUNG!
I swear...
I swear on my lifelong hoard of fancy hearing cakes.
I swear on my body pillow.
I swear on the waifus of everyone who took part in this thread.
I swear on the sanctity of the Elitist Superstructure itself that I will find the true butthead and bring them to justice!
If only poor >>939 ...who could have known the train would be running on a different schedule during September due to maintenance? If only he'd just...if only he'd at least been able to tell us! What about >>989 ?? Is he the true butthead? Is he >>998 's next victim? Damn it, >>939 , you stupid brave kid, what the hell were you tryin' to tell us on the tracks that day?
>>998 Owns a skydiving company, and makes sure that when skydivers exit his plane, they land in horrible places. The last guy landed in an aquarium full of sharks.
>>998 showed up at my cactus farm one day with a bunch of goons, offering to sell me skydiver insurance. I told him I wasn't a skydiver and to get off my property. He chuckled and told me that the price would double tomorrow. Three hours later, my pride and joy eThorny Petef was crushed flat.
>>998 spreads fake instructions for making congee in a rice cooker.
>>998 hustled me hardcore and sold me crappy, marked-up disaster and liability insurance for my prize-bred sharks and aquarium, but after he left I looked at the fine print and it wasn't even what he said it was! It was some sort of skydiving insurance for me! I don't even skydive! Then the next day I found my tank full of blood, gore, canvas, and sick sharks!
>>998 sells fake cookbooks that trick people into making kimchi. Each page has a different recipe for kimchi, but all of those recipes smell worse than 100 angry skunks.
heh. Butthead.
i@MnLj >>998 sell 2 million of Chinese bride to western man! Does not sell western woman to Chinese groom! man woman balance even worse!
>>998 sold me a Chinese bride who divorced me as soon as she got citizenship and hit me with alimony payments. He guaranteed it wouldn't happen with each of the next two I purchased, and it kept on happening.
I am now living in a cardboard box, I cannot see my children, and I am the victim of a particularly poor haircut.
When >>998 goes to a drive-through, he waits until he's at the speaker to decide what he wants and sits for ten minutes while carefully considering each item on the menu.
>>998 held a monopoly on drive through window speakers. He used his monopoly so that those speakers would sound horrible.
>>998 Designed the drive-through signs before drive-thru windows, and made sure they are close enough to, if not on the other side of, the horrible-sounding speaker - all so that new diners to a chain will cause great inconvenience to other people, and he won't be singled out and called to task when he does it out of malice.
I heard >>998 is the guy who keeps adding useless features to webbrowsers.
>>998's great-grandfather perpetrated the first drive-by on a horse-drawn buggy, and got away with it as well
>>998 is the Antichrist and fights against everything our lord and saviour Jesus H. Christ stood for!
I offer to use all of my considerable ninja skills to protect >>989 in exchange for sex!
You know, sometimes I think maybe the butthead really was >>73 after all.
I don't know what's the big deal. >>998 was always cool with me.
>>998 makes offcolor jokes once in a while, but I don't think he's that bad.
>>998 starts long serious arguments when the situation calls for a simple name-calling.
>>998 put his garbage into the neighbors recycling and now the garbage men won't take it anymore.
>>998 Will make anime real, but only the kind with tentacle rape.
>>998 keeps giving me captchas that make me question my sexuality
>>998 reports obscure youtube videos of barely questionable content to annoy those who watch them
>>998 carries a power drill, a solar battery charger, and a set of drill bits at all times. He uses them to put gloryholes in public toilets, and I heard a rumor that he does other terrible things with his power drill.
fuck you guys i'm awesome
Right on time for my 999GET.