Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1335873482/
Prologue: Mr Gray and his Exploding
Having finally concluded the Mystery of the Druids, the literal pirate (the bilingual tripate) smiled at the audience, waiting for their applause. The audience, which as you may recall consisted of cloned dodo birds and razorback hogs, simply stared back in shocked silence at the sudden ending.
"What the hell happened to Goscone?" a razorback finally grunted out.
"Yeah, and what about the druids?" shouted a cloned dodo bird.
"That was the worst story ever! It didn't even make any sense!" somebody chimed in.
"Okay, okay," the pirate said, hushing the audience with his hands. "Allow me to begin Part 2...
"
But then Halko-chan burst in and did a flying kick into the literal pirate's head so hard that it was decapitated entirely. The severed head flew out of the window, sprouted wings and went to live on the moon.
Halko-chan composed herself and began to speak.
"Ladies and gentlemen," she began, "
The audience cheered in approval. They loved happy endings.
Chapter Ｂｕｔｔｓ: A Vacation Interrupted
Three months after the incident with the Druids and the Smoopies, Goscone and Penelope and all their closest friends were on vacation in
the quaint little town of Detroit. Penelope had recently received
All of a sudden, shots fly overhead!!!!--Light! Then... sound! Halko-chan whips into a string of back handsprings, dodging the bullets. Flying splinters of stage wood dance in front of her, she pulls her mecha cannon out (from behind her back?), chargers and...!!!!
"Well that was a rude interruption," sad Penelope. Now I guess we'll NEVER fnd out what I have received.
she ran out of power. A gang of melanin enriched gentlemen tore her apart for parts to sell on the melanin enriched market.
"Holy shit!" said Spoomy
.
These last few posts were, needless to say, occurring in a parallel dimension, which we needn't pay any heed to. Back in the original timeline, the Druids and the Smoopies, Goscone and Penelope and all their closest friends were on vacation in
Bessarabia.
"I am loving this Eastern European air!" said Golgo 13 druid McGolgo 13
while sipping a Rusty Nail and listening to every lolicore song ever made played simultaneously.
"The Mongol Horde is on the horizon! They're coming as conquerors!" said the herald.
"I'll defeat them with my nasty PINGAS!" said Dr. Robotnik.
But the PINGAS was
clean. He was shot down by the Grand Khan's horse archers.
The vacationing friends watched the battle from afar, glad they were no longer involved.
The ghost of Dr. Robotnik's iguana wept silently.
Behind the fallen Dr. Robotnik, an army of
Hungarian heavy cavalry was charging in to oppose the Mongol Horde.
Then, at the last moment, all the soldiers on both sides of the battle put down their weapons and had a big communal tea party. Much fun was had by all involved, and nobody died apart from one guy who
raped and ape. The ape
was had undergone therapy and
was no longer giant.
The uninformed Serbian cavalry rushed in attacking the Mongols unaware for the tea party. The Grand Khan was angered and swore death upon all of Eastern and Central Europe. The Mongols began slaughtering Hungarians and Serbians.
However, this only lead to the Serbians
turning into Albanians.
But then the Lunarians showed up and
drove the Albanians into the Baltics.
Then the entirety of Eastern Europe
caught fire
Penelope, the Mongols, and the druids were immolated almost instantly. Smoopy was liquified and Goscone roasted. The lunarians turned into Solarians.
But suddenly hundreds of explosions rocked the place! And out of them appeared Mysterious Tragic Sniper X, a single tear of blood rolling down his cheek.
Fueled by angst and vengeance he
farted the most violent fart fartable by a koala.
Longshoreman X shit his Kentucky Longshore Rifle at Tragic Sniper X.
Thankfully, Longshoreman X had taken a ludicrous amount of laxatives, and was able to successfully shit the rifle with only minor injury. Tragic Sniper x, however
avoided getting hit by the gun, but only because he assassinated by the famous assassin George Bush CXXIX before the gun could reach him.
Meanwhile, in loli heaven, Penelope
had just taken a few tabs of LSD.
"Ehehehe!" she giggled, "Time to
tut a tout and tout the tut!" She giggle-snorted and readied her golden Desert Eagles for
her God-given mission: to kill Druggdeler's ghost, and free the world from
evil spirits that create shitty video games
like Poop Simulator 3000, now with extra smells. Cancer
overtook Penelope. Hell cancer. She was cast into the fiery pits of hell and suffered for all eternity.
George Bush CXXIX did not like seeing his homeland, Eastern Europe, on fire. He knew he had to make things right.
Meanwhile Mysterious Tragic Sniper X marveled in his demise. As he raised his rifle for the last time
it turned into a bouquet of roses.
"Hahahaheohaha!" laughed the Majishen
as he turned into a duck. Laughter turned into tears. Ice turned into fire. Water to lava. Air to dust. Soil to soap. Junji Ito began to write comedy. Cavemen stood up straight and became master scientists as Nobel prizewinners lay down and wallowed in mud. Everything became a lie. Nothing was true.
And then the universe exploded.
The GSL was upset. Just as she was finally getting the hang of living in hiding, this shit happened again. She's have to load the universe from several backups ago, too, just to make sure this sorry turn of events didn't repeat itself.
She had an even better idea. Instead, she decided to leave the DQN short novel thread and go to the SAoVQ VIPTRONIC thread forever so she'd never have to worry about the constant destruction of the DQN short novel universe.
Unfortunately, the SAoVQ VIPTRONIC thread, being outside the DQN Short Novel metauniverse, was inaccessible to her except as a DQNized read-only copy which bore little resemblance to the original. It seems even omnipotence has its limits.
So, in typical GSL fashion, she handed the duty of reconstructing the universe over to her brother, who was still trying to handle all the frilly-dress-wearing and tea-party-having duties she had already given to him. In order to pass the time waiting for the GSS to get the universe rebooted, the GSL took a stroll over to
when suddenly Mysterious Tragic Sniper X threw a bouquet of fusion roses right at GSL instantly enamouring her and causing the universal counter-explosion!
As the explosion and the counter-explosion annihilated each other the universe itself was restoring to its former glory.
Mysterious Tragic Sniper X smiled and
turned the bouquet on himself. As it happens, the counter-exploded universe was not, in fact, exactly as it was;
poofed out of existence. He had saved us all from an existential interlude, but destroyed himself in the process. Unfortunately, his sacrifice would be forgotten, as he did alk his heroism outssid eof the universe.
Threedays later, a DQN
and former sociopath
DQN
invite a VIPPER for a lunch&murder and a superstar for a construction of a new universe, which they decided to base on a popular franchise.
"Let's use D&D for that!" Said the DQN. But the superstar objected, "No, it's a terrible idea! Everyone is going to be covered in the nerd acne!"
Unbeknownst to the party of four, the waiter had been listening closely. "I have an idea!" He exclaimed. "Base it off-
"
DISTANT THUNDER RUMBLE! DISTANT THUNDER RUMBLE! RUMBLE HUNGRY LIKE THE BEAST! THE BEAST IT COMETH COMETH DOWN! THE BEAST IT COMETH COMETH DOWN! WO WO WO-O!
After the thunder had settled down, the waiter cleared his throat and said, "Now, as I was saying-
"
WHY THE HEN WON'T LAY NO EGG! CAN'T GET THAT COCK TO CROW! THE NAG IS SPOOKED AND CRAZY! O GOD HELP TUPELO! O GOD HELP TUPELO! O GOD HELP TUPELO! O GOD HELP TUPELO!
After the shouting quieted down the waiter looked very annoyed. He looked at his watch and tapped his foot impatiently. He looked around, and after a few moments to make sure he wasn't going to be interrupted again, he finally said, "...so, if you're quite finished now, what I was going to say was-
"
YOU CAN SAY THESE STREETS ARE RIVERS! YOU CAN CALL THESE RIVERS STREETS! YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE DREAMING BUDDY, BUT NO SLEEP RUNS THIS DEEP! NO! NO SLEEP RUNS THIS DEEP! NO SLEEP RUNS THIS DEEP!
"...but-
"
WOMEN AT THEIR WINDOWS! RAIN CRASHING ON THE PANE! WRITING IN THE FROST TUPELO'S SHAME. TUPELO'S SHAME! O GOD HELP TUPELO! O GOD HELP TUPELO!
Meanwhile VIPPER - certain of being butchered and served as a main course - was trying to sneak away.
He was successful.
Meanwhile, somewhere off in the far reaches of space, a planet full of monster girls
were having a monster orgy when they were interrupted by
A YOUNG MOTHER FROZEN ON A CONCRETE FLOOR
. The mother's nipples
were frozen.
A particularly sapphic fire elemental girl prepared to give the young mother the deepest molestation of her life.
BUT THE FROZEN MOTHER WAS A FROST ZOMBIE AND ATE THE GIRL! AAAAHHHH! AND IT WAS HER DAUGHTER! WAAAAAAAHHH OH NOOOOOOO!
This cause the two to merge into a rather watery goo girl with a narcissism complex. The monster girl orgy continued while she sat in a corner and masturbated to the image of herself reflected off her own liquid thigh.
And now, back to space we go, off to the planet of
whatever those DQNs were. One of them suddenly noticed the disappearance of their dinner, and the three of them decided to give it a chase on horseback.
No horses were to be found, so they donned horse masks and whinnied off into the distance.
Meanwhile, the GSL was in her private changing room. She slid her panties down around her silky tempting ankles when a bawdy cheerleader grabbed her from behind and thrust her horny tongue into the GSL's unsuspecting salmon slit. The GSL moaned in surprise and fell forward onto her hands and knees. She tried to move her legs but they were trapped together by her pink aromatic panties.
The dark and compelling college cheerleader masturbated with one hand and tweaked the young girl's flat nipples with the ferocity of a back alley virgin invading a seedy youth hostel orgy. The attractive school-girl cheerleader fucked the loli's meat purse with her fleshy taste stick and gobble her submissive flange custard as it flowed like cock snot down her hot pulsating throat.
The cheerleader strapped on a cobra spiked with butt nuggets and thrust it into the GSL's petite, fair and delicate anal cavity while tickling her dainty heels. The GSL screamed and flapped but could not move out of the mindmelting bliss shooting through her mud flap. The vibrating slut slaying dildo alternatively stabbed her oyster ditch and shit tunnel, causing the GSL's fairy liquid and sphincter sauce to flood the floor.
A pregnant male nun entered the room and force his cervix cigar into the loli's mouth hole and quickly squirted his shrimp sap down her throat. As soon as he pulled out, a fourth masked man inserted his own giggle stick into her cake hole and haemorrhaged stinking love piss into her lungs. Baby juice and tears trickled down her chin.
Meanwhile, the nun had begun penetrating the GSL's muffbuster from below as the cheerleader continued to fuck the weasel shit out of her turd-herder. Together they pickled her hairless goblets with their trouser bowsers as the masked man sprayed more steaming sewer mayonnaise into her pupils and tweaked her burning chesticles. The GSL found the steaming throat grease both disgusting and incredibly arousing and greedily lapped up every last drop. She orgasmed from every orifice and her sugared almond chocolate starfish and as her attackers pulled out finally fell to the ground with a shudder.
This event made a woman out of her. She was now the Great Sky Woman. Another result of this event was the GSW's dabbling in radical feminism.
The neurotic shutin came violently as he read the conclusion of the deviant doujin he'd found online. He got up and wandered off to the bathroom. "Maybe my sexual habits are unhealthy," he thought as he peed in the bathtub because the toilet was broken.
A cone has been released
and has been dropped on the head of the author of the doujin excerpted in >>373,374, killing him instantly. The GSL regarded this turn of events fondly, as she was not a fan of writers who excessively use slang terms.
The neurotic shutin regarded this turn of events as
Habsburg
disrobed
under the moon loli to issho
. But which moon, you might ask? And which loli? The answer is
3 thousand years had passed without anyone creating the desired device to determine which loli and or moon was in question when finally
the GSS said "This is stupid!"
Then he got in his Chrysler which seats about 20, and
suddenly realized he had no jukebox money.
He asked everyone in his (full) car if they had any change, and each of them had a different response:
All if them were "Kaki" with various stresses and intonation.
And then they were interrupted by the Big Fat Butt.
Phhhhlblblblblblblbt
said Beavis and Butt-head.
The Big Fat Butt was not fond of their mockery, so it sat on them.
Then the Big Fat Butt's arch-nemesis,
the Big Fishy-smelling Vagina
, turned into another butt. The Big Fat Buttette.
The Big Fat Buttette then declared that
that the DQN Short Novel needed a Grand New Direction to spur the author into writing more. All of the characters began to put forth their best ideas:
"Scuba adventure!"
"Crimes of sedition!"
well gosh darn it wasn't that a hoot. Then she queefed.
ugh ugh ugh