Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1335873482/
Prologue: Mr Gray and his Exploding
Unfortunately for Cirno, she had the rocket launcher pointed the wrong way, and blew herself up.
Convictor Lamaxanadu launched an investigation of the situation.
Nitori was to be questioned in case she had any involvement with Cirno acquiring a rocket launcher.
Suddenly, Clonepa appeared wearing a frilly dress and a ridiculous hat and released a barrage of
tasty cupcakes. Everyone else
was horrified at the sight of an old man with a ballsack on his face dressed in a frilly dress.
But beady eyes was turned on by his
friend's crossdressing escapades - how sick! Really, Beady Eyes should just
stick to regular crossdressers like the rest of us! The ballsacks are just obscene!
Noticing beady eyes' reaction, Clonepa
's head inflated rapidly, like a pig's bladder attached to a garden hose. Within seconds his head exploded, spraying everyone in the vicinity with
pa goo
(which, although chemically completely different, bears a distinct similarity to
SpongeBob).
Marisa decided it was time to quietly sneak away, but
couldn't resist
the tasty cupcake that had landed in front of her. It was all done up with nice frilly frosting, just like
Clonepa used to make. Wracked with grief over her headless friend, she
forced herself to enjoy her late friend's last precious gift. She shoved the cupcake down her throat, one painful mouthful at a time. Her eyes stung and her cheeks streamed with tears. How had it come to this? How could fate be so cruel? Why even continue living in a world where your best friend's head might explode at any moment, for no reason at all?
Marisa collapsed into a sobbing heap of limbs, frills and cupcake icing. Everyone else looked nervously at one another,
and were immediately derailed.
In 1459, Gorub McDuckinson of Walchester, New Yevville had no mittens. Because of this, the other residents of Walchester, New Yevville decided to
start a new chapter.
Chapter 99, Part 9: The
Dojiemon was pulling his old tricks again.
The creaky old wagon strained under the weight of his magic act's props as he dragged it fruitlessly from one theater to another.
Suddenly, a platoon of policeman parachuted in from above.
"Stop right there!" shouted one of them. "Your chapter title isn't finished! You'll
never work in this town again!"
CHAPTER 100.23.0.04.a
A Hard Day's Bite
Ethel the modified hog hopped down to the gas station and
was blown to smithereens by the subsequent explosion. One might ask why the gas station had exploded at that moment - had someone left the engine on? Had someone dropped a lit cigarette? Or was it something more malicious - an assassination made to look like an accident? An act of terrorism?
Or had the novel itself decided that that gas station was to explode, simply for the sake of turning Ethel the modified hog into crispy bacon?
The world may never know.
Unless it reads the following sentence:
The gas station was actually a disguised landmine placed there by Astrid Kunsherston III de Muscovy to kill Rex Rockstar. However, his modified hog pet ran free and set off the mine before Rex got too close.
The hog was named Grastcone, and this is his story.
Ethel was his slave name.
Gratscone was born at an early age, from mixed parents - one male, one female. The male one happened to be Goscone, the legendary
sweat hog.
"Gratscone, my son," he'd often say, "Some day you'll
meet Gross Cone, your mother."
Little did either of them know,
Gross Cone is no longer known as Gross Cone. Since 19XX she has been known as Astrid Kunsherston III de Muscovy.
Meanwhile, at the galactic core,
war was beginning. Not a normal war, mind you-- this was to be a war unlike any other. Fought exclusively by half-brothers pitted against each other, armed with copies of every book ever written, ever to be written, being written, not being written, that which had not been written, which will not be written, which will be/is/was possible but will not, is not, was not written, that which could never be written, that which could never be written but was/will be/is being written anyway, etc., etc., etc. The war was to be fought in a giant fishbowl full of water which would be so highly oxygenated as to be breathable, like it were air. Nobody was quite sure yet what the war would be about, and so the two sides met to discuss this so that they could just start this damn war already.
The meeting was held in
Azathoth's rectum.
THE CAGE!!! Impatience had gripped both sides and they knew that something would inevitably erupt at the meeting. The first 20 minutes were tense but under control... a key speaker was idly tapping a pen aganst hs desk when it bounced out of his hands and when he went to pick it up, a member of the opposite party kicked it away.The reaction was instant:
"I hate these theme pubs," muttered General Cosgone, as he
prepared a nitrous oxide tank. He strapped the inhaler over his mouth and nose. "Ever since that incdent with the
diarrhoea dump
diner and
Kofi Kingston.
"
Everyone else present stared at him expectantly, willing him to go on. But, to their horror, his eyelids slowly sank over his glassy eyes, and from his slack mouth erupted a monstrous snore.
And then a dog came. Expectedly, he was very angry.
He bit General Cosgone on the butt and
therefore was sentenced to death by elephant.
The elephant was also very angry.
Unfortunately the elephant was not angry enough to move and the execution was taking forever.
Meanwhile, General Cosgone's butt was bleeding profusely and required
Hawaii
Harlots to kiss it better.
Alas, the aforementioned harlots were busy fondling
the only butt professor on the island.
The butt professor turned out to be Dr. Robotnik and his big fat butt, who had given himself a fake degree in butt-ology.
"You may refer to me from now on as Dr. Robuttnik." He announced, thoroughly pleased with his sophisticated upper-crust sense of humor.
After an astonished "Rather!", the harlots retrieved their monocles and laughed delicately at the wicked jape. Then they all put on their top hats and
performed a dance number.
Too bad they DIED.
General Cosgone, denied the attention of the vital Hawaii Harlots, soon died too. There is only so much blood you can lose from a dog-bitten butt before that happens, after all.
Ethel the modified hog, aka Gratscone,
decided to call up an old friend in hopes of finding some way to solve the harlot and butt problem plaguing the world.
The phone rang for a few seconds before Rex Rockstar picked up.
Gratscone spoke a few moments with him before wrinkling his brow in confusion. "I am sorry," he said, "I believe I have a wrong number."
Sinister nightblooms
lay dead and curled and dried all over the altar, causing
a heinous scent to
blackening mushrooms.
The stench began to summon
carrion swallows.
Penis
.
The swallows were eating all the dead Hawaiian Harlots' corpses.
"That takes care of that problem" said Goatscone.
Gritscone exploded.
Meanwhile, Groutscone was busy grouting tiles in the Mediterranean.
Grootscone wandered the barbarian wilderness.
Scones Smoopy scone thought that he g*tscone problem was very reminiscent of the Smoopy problem from earlier.
Just then, a universal reset button appeared somewhere in northern Toledo.
The sign on it read "UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CONDITIONS SHOULD THIS BUTTON BE PRESSED." Predictably,
the universe exploded before Pushy McPressyHands could get anywhere near it.
after the universe calmed down, the G*tscones returned to their activities. Scones Smoopy scone decided to call a conference.
"We have to do something about this damned unstable universe! Every time I turn my back on it, it explodes!" Smoopy Sconescone slammed the podium with a hoof in emphasis.
"We need to
pee
hamburger buns." said Papa Burgeria
"Won't excreting solids through our urinary ducts be extremely painful?" iquired
Silly Goopster.
"Who cares! I'm tired of just waiting around! We won't get anything done unless we act! RAAAAAAAAARAAGH!" said a character last seen several hundred posts ago as he tried to force hamburger buns through his urethra.
His through buns, hamburger, force to tried. He, as ago posts, hundred several seen last. Character 'A' said, "RAAAAAAAAARAAGH! Act we unless done anything get, won't we! Around waiting just of tired....I'm cares! Who?"
Goopster Silly iquired, "Painful extremely be ducts. Urinary, our through solids! Excreting won't?"
Burgeria Papa said, "Buns. Hamburger pee to need. We..."
Emphasis in hoof A. With podium, the slammed Sconescone Smoopy: "Explodes it...it on...back...my turn I! Time every universe, unstable! DAMNED THIS! About something, do to have...we..."
Then, predictably, the
universe
opened the refrigerator and
was startled to find
ancient footprints.
FOXDIE
Then the balls touched.
Given that they inhabited the same nutsack, they actually touched quite often, so this was nothing new.
Texas Red had not cleared leather when
Sperm-filled goo
all the way to the Horsehead Nebula from the Horsecock Nebula
.
Meanwhile, on Neptune, an unmanned probe was eagerly reaching out its little appendages towards the 800GET,