I am 22 and live at home still. I don't have any friends. I haven't been outside my house more than once a year for the last seven years. My hair is so long it reaches my ass. Everything I have to do I order from the internet. (Money is not a issue.) I'm getting tired of spending my days on the internet or playing games/watching anime, etc. Nothing on the outside interests me. I'm leaning over to suicide.
What the hell should I do?
creep around your town in the dark shadows of the night once in a while.
>>2
I live in a small town. There is nothing to see, probably.
Do you have anxiety over going outside, or do you just feel no point in doing it?
It sounds like you have no motivation to really do anything. I would see a therapist, to be honest. You need to figure out WHY you have no interest in the world, and what you can do to change it.
Give me your money and then put a charcoal grill in your room, which has to be as airtight as possible.
Of course it was an accident.
win/win!
You know, people with monetary issues really have it easy in life. They learn to be motivated and work mindlessly to succeed, all at a young age.
Go out get a haircut, you'll feel better once you've accomplsihed something, then come tell us how it went.
>>5
I don't have anxiety to go outside, like you said, I don't see a point in it. I saw a therapist once, she diagnosed me with asperger, and that was pretty much the end of it. Didn't change a thing. (God damn assburgers everywhere.)
>>7
Unfortunately, I was born with my own will and mindset.
>>8
I've thought about it, but I've kinda come to like my long hair. It took so long to save this much, and you can only have this long hair a few times during your life. I know for sure it would not feel like a accomplishment though.
Did you stop going to therapy for a reason? Or did it just happen?
It might make you feel more motivated if you worked for a goal. Do you have any kind of work you want to do, or do you have any activity you want to do (go to a foreign country, go go a concert, etc.)? I guess those things sound kind of generic, but even small things can be huge steps.
Just, please don't even consider suicide. If you don't have anyone else to talk to then I'll give you my screen name, just please don't kill yourself. Even if no one else cares, I do!
Give human relationships a chance, they're the most entertaining game out there, with better payoffs than any video game I know. Read some PUA guides and use them as a theoretical basis for all interactions. Soon enough you will not only be able to interact with people, but you will have the social upper hand, always.
Go to college, if not just for the experience. You'll see so many things that you'd never see otherwise.
>>10
It just happen. I don't want to work. I can't think of any activity that would interest me, however I do want to visit Japan. I have the money do go there, but I'm scared of traveling alone due to lack of the required social skills, and I just want to go with someone. Unfortunately I don't know anyone that would go with me. I'm pretty sure I'll commit suicide sooner or later, it's just it'll probably be sooner. If you really do care, that's an amazing ability you have...
>>11
I'm not sure what it feels like to have a relationship, and I've gotten so used to being alone, that it doesn't really matter as much. At least not that I know of.
>>12
No thanks, absolutely not interested in that one.
I was hoping someone out there would have an answer that would just click.
I seriously doubt that anyone is going to have a definitive answer for you. Looking on the internet at some discussion board really isn't going to help you all that much. Ok, so it might a little...all of this is probably helping a little bit...Anyway, you need to understand that there is no "big answer" and that all of this is a process. I'm a recovering Hikki...whatever...myself. And those are the biggest things I've come to realize. All of this just takes time. You need to take little steps. Start going outside. Go for walks. Get familiarized with the outside. Then, go to the store...get used to being around people. Then, (I know you really don't want to...who does...get a job. Even if you don't need one, of feel like you need one, get one anyway. Trust me it will help. And all of this doesn't need to happen over night. Like I said, it takes time. (And some effort on your part!) It's all about how badly you want this for yourself. I hate to sound like a parent/therapist, but it's definitely the truth. If you really want to get out of your parent's house...then you need to take the steps to do that. Trust me...I know its hard. Just remember...your not alone. And there will always be somebody there to help. Good luck.
shit, people like you piss me off. you go around feeling bad about yourself and believe that there is nothing you can do about it even though you don't even try to change anything by yourself. On top of that, it sounds like you don't even have a real problem, you're just a lazy, undisciplined person who never really tried anything for himself, but already decided in your mind that it wasn't for you. Can you read the future or something? How do you know if you're going to enjoy something or not if you haven't even tried it?
get over yourself. There are people out there who have had far worse problems than you did, but didn't sit on their ass wondering why their life sucks so much. They went out there and fixed it with their own hands. why shouldn't you be able to do the same thing?
>>14
I don't want to or feel like doing any of that. You goto remember I've been in here for over SEVEN years, and even before that I wasn't much of a social person. I'm not really sure what I want, but I know I don't mind my parents house. Meh, I don't know really what to do.
>>15
Although there is some truth in what you say, you can't go around comparing your own problems to other peoples problems, neither can you think about other peoples problems before your own. A physical problem isn't necessarily more important than a mental problem. And I really have tried many things before my life as a hikikomori, things like riding horses, motorbikes, bowling, golf, etc. They just aren't things I like to do. Not everyone can motivate to do something. You'll understand if you ever get into such a position.
I understand where you coming from. The outsid world e doesn't interest me either, but why the suicide? Is it because you have grown tired of your activities or that you aren't "productive"? I'm pro-choice, so no "cliche suicide never answer bullshit answers" that i despise.
Enlighten me please.
I really do care, so please, please, please don't kill yourself. Even if it seems like you will be, you won't stay in this slump forever if you really want to change, so please don't get rid of any chance of success you have by committing suicide.
Traveling will be kind of scary, even with friends. Going there alone might actually help you out a lot. I went last month and everyone is really friendly and there are TONS of things to do, and if you stay at a hostel it will be even easier to meet people to hang out with. Many groups that stay there are really laid back and will invite many people to just tag along. It's a great experience.
I think, also, that sometimes you don't always have to have an interest in what you do. You say you have no interest in working or doing anything, but I would at least TRY something with an open mind. Even if you end up hating the activity, it will let you meet new people and it might even open you up to new activities that you will enjoy. Just pick something and try it for a while, whether it be a part-time job, going to a group in your town, or anything of that sort. Just try. But, don't go into it thinking: "I hate this, this is going to be boring, I don't have an interest in this." Say: "Okay, I could like this so I'll do my best while I'm here."
If you're relying on your parents for everything (I'm assuming? you said you live with them still) then it's really not fair to them at all to have to support you totally for this long. Even if money is no object to you, they're still having to work for it, right?
But, I think something important has to be addressed first:
Do you WANT to change?
If you want to, then heed all the advice that everyone is giving you, because I know you'll be able to succeed.
But right now it sounds like you're making excuses to everyone in order to keep from trying anything. We don't care why you got this way and we're not judging at all, so excuses aren't necessary. If you want to be able to go out and change yourself, then we're all here to help you find ways to do that.
But, if you don't want to change and you want to stay in the exact same situation, then tell us that, too, because it's unfair if people are genuinely trying to help you, although you know you'll just reject everything they say.
So, do you want to?
>>17
I'm not only tired of my current activities, but also life in general. Doubt I will find something fun to do again.
>>18
I live in a small town with little above 40k people, suffice to say, it's not hard to meet someone you don't want to meet from your past. There's many things I don't like about this place, and they are part of what makes up my decision to not work. However I do not get my money from my parents, so that is not a issue either. I don't know if I want to change as much as I just want something fun to do so I can pass time obliviously. Trying to work in this small town that holds more past and memories than I'd like, is too much of an effort for the outcome. I think the only way I'd be able to change, in the case I would want that, is if I moved to another country. Obviously this is one step too large for me. I don't really have anywhere to begin. I know I'm rejecting, but it's really not that easy. I'm in a very difficult situation. I really did think about it before I "rejected" it. I just don't know what to do, and so, suicide seems like the nice way out of it.
Sigh...
I see a bit more where you're coming from now, but I still have to hold on to the idea that suicide is the wrong path.
If you eventually want to move to another country, why not try a different area (state, prefecture, etc, depending on where you live), or even just the next city over? Not only would that give you a fresh place where you can get away from your old haunts, but living independently might also help you get a motivational boost.
Since money isn't a concern, you could try renting an apartment somewhere for a short period of time and use that time to explore the new town.
I think, though, that "just want[ing] something fun to do so [you] can pass time obliviously" is your biggest problem. Humans can thrive and have fun only because they are working for a goal. You do well in primary and secondary school so you can go to college, you do well in college so you can get a good job, you get a job so you can retire, etc, etc. If we all just dragged along then nothing would be fun because every moment of our lives would be "fun". I mean, aren't leisure times fun BECAUSE they're leisurely? Most other people have things that they want to do and goals that they want to achieve, so even though a great deal of boring, tedious time is spent trying to achieve those goals, life is ultimately enjoyable, not only because of the off times, but also because you are constantly looking forward and working on something you really want to achieve.
I think that's what you lack, because you have such instant gratification (you want to watch anime ,you do it, you want to play computer, you do it) that your leisure times become all the time. But if you have nothing bad to compare those leisure activities to, then suddenly fun is just normal, boring life, and you're stuck with something.
Ah, did that make sense? i write to much, sorry. (>_<)
>>20 "life is ultimately enjoyable"
Eeeuhm no. Life is subjective all the way. Some had a shitty life or others have anything yet they feel dead inside. I'm sorry, but you are giving "life is jolly" advice which does not work.
You have two choices OP: Continue your quest, seek some professional help (seeing money is no issue) and at least do that. Isn't your family worth it? Think about it, if not for you, do it for them.
The other choice is killing yourself, seeing we will die anyways , the suffering is not worth the pointless existence.
Both choices make sense, both create suffering.
goodluck
Keep the lights very low and don't go out during the day, and keep the television and internet off for a few months, then you will have friends. I did this and friends started to appear in my room. At first they just hovered near my bed and were very translucent and silent, but as time went along they became more opaque and started talking to me. They explained that they are angels, and even though it scared me at first, now we hang out all the time (watch movies, play cards. etc). They told me no one is ever really alone and are always being watched over, even when you are taking a shower -- so keep your hands off your rhythm stick.
I used to be a hikikomori for about five years. After years of suffering from anxiety problems and trying my best to break my habit, I finally found the answer. I'm sure this answer will work for most hikikomori, if they're willing to go through with it. Don't stop reading just because this sounds lame.
Volunteering. When you volunteer, you can go as often as you want and people will treat you like you're the best person in the world for doing it, especially if you're a young person. Being around those old Christian ladies is a really refreshing. It's like having 20 Grandmas. Those people rely on you, and it gives you a sense of purpose, even if it's just helping them to lift a crate of food that would otherwise hurt their backs. Every town has volunteer work that needs done, even if it's just going to an old man's house every week to help him rake up some leaves.
Seriously, try it out. When I was recovering from my hiki-state, I first began volunteering at a food bank about once a month, and soon got up to three times a week. Since then, my self-confidence has never been higher, I feel great and I'm in shape (from lifting crates of food and moving furniture in their thrift store), and I've even started a relationship. Volunteering is much simpler than having a job, as you're not required or expected to go in on a schedule. Try it out. If it doesn't work out for you, come back and we'll give you some more ideas, but don't brush it off just because you're feeling lazy or don't think it will work.
Best of luck.
>>22
Oh, that was hilarious. Thanks.
>>20
I don't want to move to another city, I don't like my country.
Aside from that another issue with moving is I don't get to see my family very often, and I kinda like my family.
Regarding having something boring to do, so that other things will be more fun; I don't think I could do it, I'm so used to doing things I like, that going out and do something I would find boring now feels impossible. Even if I could motivate to do so, I wouldn't know where to begin. I feel stuck.
>>21
Professional help didn't help. The whole suffering things is annoying, and I too find that suicide isn't all that wrong.
>>22
I actually want sometimes to get a psychosis or see hallucinations or something, just so I can forget everything else. Even after all these years alone, I'm still sane.
>>23
It does sound like something that might work, but at the same time it would feel like I'm wasting time I could spend playing or something. Not getting any younger here. But then again, it's not like I'm going to use my life for anything useful. I don't think I could even go around asking or find out where to volunteer for something. You should also remember, I'd rather not have anything to do with this town.
I've been stuck here for so long, that maybe what I need is a push in the right direction by someone? I don't know if I can manage to get out of this on my own. Trying something new in my current state is a lot harder than it sounds. At the same time I hate my self for rejecting everything you suggest.
>>25 Do you need a push irl to achieve this? I think we're certainly pushing pretty hard here in cyber-space.
Try to remember that YOU came to US for help. You need to be serious about "fixing" yourself. It's very likely that your small town actually offers a lot more than you would expect. It would likely be best to get out of your hikikomori habit while living in your current town, and THEN move somewhere. It will be a lot easier to start over and begin forming your new identity when you're able to actually meet people. It won't do you much good to move to an entirely different place and then find yourself sitting in your window staring longingly at your neighbors all day, will it?
I also noticed that no one mentioned the standard list of websites to meet people. If you're interested, here they are. While most of these look like dating sites, most offer the option to search for "Friends Only".
okcupid.com
anonidate.com
plentyoffish.com
justsayhi.com
friendster.com
>I have the money do go there, but I'm scared of traveling alone due to lack of the required social skills, and I just want to go with someone.
Pay me the tickets and I'll go with you.
Where do you want to go and what do you want to do? Visit some meido cafes and arcades in Akiba, relax and sightsee temples in rural areas, or both? Maybe something else?
>>25 Honestly I think you're already suffering from some sort form of psychosis. I know I'm not a professional or anything, but I believe that anytime you are feeling detached from reality in some form is considered to be some form of psychosis. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know your situation to a tee, I'm going off of personal experience here. I close myself off from the rest of the world because I feel detached from rest of the world. I don't think I "think" like everyone else. (If that makes any sense) In other words, I feel detached from reality. Hence the psychosis.
Look...you're obviously wanting something here...something more than we're all trying to give you. Please...go and see someone. There's hope out there. You might not even like the first couple of people that you go to. But like I've said it takes time and yes, some effort! Just don't resort to suicide...please...I know I don't know you but, its not worth it! What is killing yourself going to accomplish? Really? I know you probably don't care about your life, but trust me...there's someone out there that does! Hell I do! I really, really do! (Do you think I would be saying all of this if i didn't!?!) Please don't give up!
>>26
I think pretty much yes, someone dragging me out. (Imagines a beautiful angel coming to save him.)
>>27
Sorry, I can't do that. I want to go do pretty much everything Japan has to offer that other countries do not, including the things you mentioned.
>>29
I'm detached from normal life, not from reality. I am well aware of my situation, and I don't experience anything described under a psychosis, so no psychosis. And I don't really know what I want, maybe I'm looking for someone who will go with me to Japan, or maybe I'm just confirming that dying is best for me. Just maybe someone has a solution that could work for me.
I thank you guys for your suggestions, but I guess they won't work for me. I'll probably be stuck until someone does something or I kill my self. Then again, it's gone seven years. So I guess nobody will do anything. In the end, I'll probably kill my self.
>>30 Fuck that man...
Jesus...what the hell is killing yourself going to accomplish? Yeah, I probably know what you're going to say...Come on. Seriously man...you never know what life's going to bring you. It may not be this way forever. You never know! And what is this crap about "somebody doing something?" Shit man...nobody's going to do anything. Ultimately it's up to you. It's how badly you want this for yourself. Don't give up! There's hope! There's always hope! I swear to you. Even when you think you're lost, and there's no light in your dark world, there's hope. Trust me, one of my best friends killed himself. You have no idea what that does to people who are close to you. And don't tell me there's no one close to you...Please...I beg you. Don't kill yourself. If for nobody else, do it for me. Please. I care...I really, really do!
Try drugs.
Psychedelics can be an eye opening experience. Or just do something for fun. You owe it to you, even if just to experience it before you kill yourself. You don't sound like you have any connections though, but if you look hard enough you can probably find something on the internet. At least for weed and shrooms I found a trustworthy source from canada, but there should be more drugs if you're willing to look around. I already ordered shrooms one time myself and I'm still not in jail.
There are even legal, but still less known drugs like gbl, which with its strong mood lifting properties might actually be useful to you.
If you think lacking self confidence is a major problem with your social skills you might want to try stimulants. They will boost your confidence making it much easier to say what you think. Heck, even caffeine helps! Just stay away from coke or meth.
And if you don't give a shit about anything, good ol' weed might make for some nice days at least. I love watching anime or playing games on weed. It's like it sucks you totally in. You really feel like you're part of it.
I'd advise dextromethorphan. Good drug, easily available.
Unhealthy, but a life changer.
>>27
No, take me instead. Ill pretend to be your friend and everything.
Money is no issue right, so wheres the problem?
I have the same thing you have. I never want to go outside or do anything for some reason. I'm not fat or mutilated or anything...anyway I will probably an hero as well
>>31
If nothing else, it would give me peace of mind. I am well aware that it's up to me, and I hate that. I can't do anything about what it would do to the people close to me. They just need to understand that they too are selfish for expecting me to live.
>>32
>>33
I'm not interested in drugs, they never do anything good. Besides that they are just a temporary solution to a seemingly permanent problem. And if I am to live, it would be drug free, or it would be pointless.
>>34
People seem to think I'm rich which I am not. I simply have enough money saved to travel to Japan and pay for my self. That and a somewhat steady income from outside sources to buy whatever games and electronics I want. Anyway, the point is I'm not rich. But I'd totally take you guys with me to Japan if I was.
>>35
At least now I know there's someone out there in the same situation.
My family asked me to come with me to the cabin tomorrow. I said no in a automatic way. Then I realized they have asked every year, and I've said no every year. And every year, something on the computer was on my mind, or my sleeping schedule was too messed up to be awake when they leave, or just the fact that I could get very bored away from computers, games and everything I know in my daily life stops me. Of course it's too late now, my sleeping schedule is already messed up.