A 2 is gotten
by a Panda
who is promptly derailed by Beady Eyes
, who takes a bite out of the toast on which man is spreading himself.
Hate - the bite that sets the universe in motion.
Meanwhile, in the Semi Democratic People's Republic of New Manchuria,
Honorable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII. decides to start
playing with his willy behind his desk.
is born, immediately slaughtering every single medical professional in a 500-yard radius. Of course, this means that
no one is around to cut the umbilical chord, so he tied it around his waist and slumped his dead mother over his shoulders and left the hospital whistling
the song "A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left" by Andrew Bird. This caused a passing
Ran-tan-tan to start dancing, thinking that the deaths of everybody around allowed him to finally dance in secret. However,
(OT: >>12 seems to have accidentally switched to past tense, but that tends to work better for narrative anyway so I'm sticking with it.)
he planned and plan that was planning to plan a plan but the plan found a plan that was too
plannish. Fortunately,
as always,
as you might expect,
SOMEONE had to come in and take a shit everywhere, because
it was National Shit Day, and
they had a lot of DQN Bell that morning.
There was a group of rebels nearby who were up to
no good. And they started making trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight and my Mom got scared, and said
"You're moving in with your auntie and your uncle in Bel-Air."
The YOU ARE HERE sign said "You are here" - and all that tried to
escape my throat came lodged itself awkwardly within the small threshold behind the tonsils. What was
penis
so we ran out of it and found ourselves on a secondary earth where there was just children who aged ever 1000 centuries. Upon seeing my ship they
began wailing in an unholy baritone, shattering the hypothesis that
my ship had came to deliver a millennium of love and peace, which it obviously was not, because
it was bristling with weapons and full to the gunwales with heavily armed Marines. Though we suppose that for a certain definition of "peace," "peace" is what will exist behind them after they pass through. But then--
A shot rang out!
My face!
The Ran-tan-tan had stowed away on the ship during the shit fiasco, and was shot!
My... hnng~... my chest...
the sexy nurse from pokemon then gave me some stuff which she was L.. S.. D.. woahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Suddenly,
Ran-tan-tan stumbled backwards, towards the rail of the ship. Many crew members had a grim look on their face, and
suddenly
without any warning
, catching every midget in the room unawares
, he began a horrifying transformation into
franz kafka
And Franz Kafka said, "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?" To which we replied, "You're a giant cockroach who now has a DRILL PENIS, remember?" And he said "Oh. Right."
And then--
... he was struck by a large gust of wind and flew overboard! So long, Ran-tan-tan man!
Meanwhile, George Bush CXXIX was munching
cat fanny
and slurping on worms, which
... were high in protein, and low on carbs! He learned about this diet from...
gnawing on his own
productive analysis, chiefly comprised of observations of overweight and obese pedestrians. Thereafter
cat fanny
, the affectionate nickname of Lord...
Catfannerkins, said to the dieting assassin,
who helped people lose weight by killing their appetites.
, "You've killed my appetite. Now it's time for a new target:
to infinity; and beyond! Come with me,
if you want to live
you must perform fellatio
on the Golden Phallus, hidden in the depths of
Arkanthar's caverns that descend toward its now cool, solid core, composed primarily of
butt
and latex.
Meanwhile, George Bush CXIXX is discovering the first time-machine ever made, that will allow him to avoid the political mistakes of the past, with one flaw...
When it sends you back in time, you arrive completely naked.
And so, arriving in
the year 2525, he met Robopa. [ Lɯ`] Beep boop.
"Why would a robot need to drink?" asked George.
"You haven't met Beady Eyes yet, have you?" responded the world-weary robot, who was drinking Robot Gin.
Meanwhile, the aforementioned Beady Eyes
died and was swiftly
resurrected with
magical phoenix semen
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Meanwhile, George twiddled his thumbs and
found himself becoming strangely attracted to Robopa.
George, you see, had metamorphosed into an electromagnet while we were all staring horrified at Beady Eyes.
Unfortunately, we all know the effects of powerful magnets on computer storage devices.
Suddenly, this entire exchange was overshadowed by
the giant loli in the sky
looking for her lost cat. However, who should then appear but
Beady eyes, in a cat costume
who began to maliciously
urinate
with vinegar
The great sky loli was not pleased with this turn of events,
and killed him.
However, Beady Eyes is immortal and
burps a lot
Knight of the Round Table
who walks a lot
and spams a lot
and listens to post-randomcore-folk-gypsy-punk.
Suddenly, a plot device appeared!
Which was quickly stolen by beady eyes! "What are you going to do about it?", he says.
[100 blank pages in the middle of the book]
were expunged at the request of the publisher, no matter how much the author whinged about how they would be utterly essential to his vision as a true artiste, and so on. When his editor tried to calm him down by saying that paper doesn't grow on trees, the author needed to have a long lie-down. Eventually, though, he did get his revenge by
breaking the fourth wall and placing a passage of himself talking to his publisher into the middle of his story. Meanwhile, in Cambodia,
a 100GET is bundled into an unmarked cloth sack and thrown onto the back of a cargo ship bound for New York. At this time, nobody could have known that