veiny
Popeye cosplayer
was searching desperately through the supermarket trying to find spinach in a can.
In this particular parallel universe, spinach was fatally poisonous. The cosplayer intended to commit suicide that night. However,
funnily enough, the supermarket did not sell lethal poisons. With a sigh of resignation,
he grumbled, "Well, blow me down!" which a passerby took to mean
as Popeye cosplayer needed a blow to his skull's coronal suture to send him plummeting through the earth like a jackhammer. As the passerby hopped into the air, can of spinach in hand, suddenly
a Bluto cosplayer appeared and
hijacked the thread, because he was, in fact, Beady Eyes in disguise.
"I am your mother!"
quoth the cross-dressing Freud clone that barged through the door, crushing Beady Eyes behind it in the process.
Suddenly, a huge explosion
followed by an explosion that was even bigger and better.
was a signal to all that this was now a Michael Bay film.
Suddenly, Michael Bay exploded.
Surveying the scene from afar, an elderly
Robotpa
also exploded.
"LUDICROUS GIBS" announced the surveyance monitor.
The monitor then proceeded to explode. It appears the universe is beginning to collapse in on itself. "There is only a matter of time to escape this thread! I'd say 32 posts to be exact, I've seen a lot of threads in my time" announced none other than
Mr Brown's daughter, a precocious young girl called
Chorsh. To prepare for the happy doom that hung over their icy inevitable heads, she proceeded to chow down on french bread spread with nutella, getting crumbs all over skimpy summer wear.
"Oh no!" she lamented, "I've got nutella all over myself! There's even some under my bra... If only somebody would come and lick it off..."
At that moment, a very large, very hairy gnu with a pedo-smile and a heap of shittily-written open source utilities appeared and said, "Did someone say GNU?"
Predictably enough,
everything exploded. Again.
Including the gnu's rancid penis, which exploded into Chorsh's face.
But that didn't really matter because that very second the entire universe imploded.
Meanwhile, in another alternate universe,
everyone's underwear
exploded.
"Muhahahahaha!" cackled Beady Eyes. "My plan was a success!"
He hadn't yet noticed that he had neglected to remove his own underwear, which had also exploded.
"Oh fiddlesti-" he began to say, then he exploded as well. A panda
remarkably did not explode. He was too zen for that shit.
Friedrich Nietzsche's ghost
, however, was not. He exploded too.
Fortunately, ghosts
are gaseous, therefore structural damage from their explosion is minimal. However, they still burn out a lot of
ectoplasm. A nearby outcrop of bismuth crystals caused
a worldwide
sterilization of males due to its interaction with Nietzschean ectoplasm.
"Oh shit!" said God, "There's only ten posts left and all we've got is exploding ghosts and bismuth crystals! How are we going to
resolve all the plot holes, develop all the characters, or coalesce the narrative into any sort of coheren-"
God exploded.
All this exploding was accelerating the expansion of the universe to dangerous speeds, bringing the heat death of the universe a few aeons closer.
The only one that seemed to be still alive amidst the universal collapse was
Squeeks. It was awful because all the death around him
didn't bother him at all.
«WE SHALL MAKE ANOTHER THREAD!» shouted he, blinded by his madness, «NEXT THREAD WILL PUT EVERYTHING IN PLACE! EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!»
«Forgive me, mother,
but I don't know what I was talking about with all that thread stuff. Everyone here has perished, and while I'm not particularly bothered by all the death, the corpses are extremely disorganized. Even worse, there is no one left to sort them into neat arrangements based on their fluffiness levels.»
Little did he know, a parallel, five-dimensional universe managed to defy all physical laws, allowing it to prosper forever without any of that scary scientific stuff.
In this very locale, the author and the GSL were having tea, when
null pointer exception occurred.
For My Beloved Loli, her Panda, and all those who perished in the making of this novel
THE FIRST PART OF A STUNNING TRILOGY
YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
"What just happened" - New York Times
"A MILLION STARS" - Unnamed seven year old
x 1,000,000
"Excuse me may I post on the back cover here" - DQN-kun
♥♥♥♥♥