[NOVEL] DQN Short Novel [SHORT] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 20:59

Add on to this sentence
-----------------------

In the year 5000, when man is spreading himself across the solar system,

950 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 09:00

veiny

951 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 11:02

Popeye cosplayer

952 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 11:27

was searching desperately through the supermarket trying to find spinach in a can.

953 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 11:31

In this particular parallel universe, spinach was fatally poisonous. The cosplayer intended to commit suicide that night. However,

954 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 13:29

funnily enough, the supermarket did not sell lethal poisons. With a sigh of resignation,

955 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 14:34

he grumbled, "Well, blow me down!" which a passerby took to mean

956 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 15:34

as Popeye cosplayer needed a blow to his skull's coronal suture to send him plummeting through the earth like a jackhammer. As the passerby hopped into the air, can of spinach in hand, suddenly

957 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 20:11

a Bluto cosplayer appeared and

958 Name: ( E-E) : 1993-09-6813 22:32

hijacked the thread, because he was, in fact, Beady Eyes in disguise.

959 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 22:49

"I am your mother!"

960 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6813 23:00

quoth the cross-dressing Freud clone that barged through the door, crushing Beady Eyes behind it in the process.

961 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 10:27

Suddenly, a huge explosion

962 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 17:14

followed by an explosion that was even bigger and better.

963 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 17:46

was a signal to all that this was now a Michael Bay film.

964 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 18:18

Suddenly, Michael Bay exploded.

Surveying the scene from afar, an elderly

965 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 20:08

Robotpa

966 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 21:06

also exploded.

967 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 21:12

"LUDICROUS GIBS" announced the surveyance monitor.

968 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 22:17

The monitor then proceeded to explode. It appears the universe is beginning to collapse in on itself. "There is only a matter of time to escape this thread! I'd say 32 posts to be exact, I've seen a lot of threads in my time" announced none other than

969 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 22:41

Mr Brown's daughter, a precocious young girl called

970 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6814 22:57

Chorsh. To prepare for the happy doom that hung over their icy inevitable heads, she proceeded to chow down on french bread spread with nutella, getting crumbs all over skimpy summer wear.

971 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6815 12:16

"Oh no!" she lamented, "I've got nutella all over myself! There's even some under my bra... If only somebody would come and lick it off..."

972 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6815 13:27

At that moment, a very large, very hairy gnu with a pedo-smile and a heap of shittily-written open source utilities appeared and said, "Did someone say GNU?"

973 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6815 14:00

Predictably enough,

974 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6815 14:19

everything exploded. Again.

975 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6815 15:23

Including the gnu's rancid penis, which exploded into Chorsh's face.

976 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6815 15:27

But that didn't really matter because that very second the entire universe imploded.

Meanwhile, in another alternate universe,

977 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6815 20:09

everyone's underwear

978 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 01:13

exploded.

979 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 12:17

"Muhahahahaha!" cackled Beady Eyes. "My plan was a success!"

980 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 13:48

He hadn't yet noticed that he had neglected to remove his own underwear, which had also exploded.

981 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 16:08

"Oh fiddlesti-" he began to say, then he exploded as well. A panda

982 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 16:10

remarkably did not explode. He was too zen for that shit.

983 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 19:44

Friedrich Nietzsche's ghost

984 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 23:22

, however, was not. He exploded too.

Fortunately, ghosts

985 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6816 23:28

are gaseous, therefore structural damage from their explosion is minimal. However, they still burn out a lot of

986 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 10:27

ectoplasm. A nearby outcrop of bismuth crystals caused

987 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 18:08

a worldwide

988 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 20:03

sterilization of males due to its interaction with Nietzschean ectoplasm.

989 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 20:20

"Oh shit!" said God, "There's only ten posts left and all we've got is exploding ghosts and bismuth crystals! How are we going to

990 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 22:10

resolve all the plot holes, develop all the characters, or coalesce the narrative into any sort of coheren-"

God exploded.

991 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 22:26

All this exploding was accelerating the expansion of the universe to dangerous speeds, bringing the heat death of the universe a few aeons closer.

992 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 22:38

The only one that seemed to be still alive amidst the universal collapse was

993 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6817 23:46

Squeeks. It was awful because all the death around him

994 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 00:04

didn't bother him at all.
«WE SHALL MAKE ANOTHER THREAD!» shouted he, blinded by his madness, «NEXT THREAD WILL PUT EVERYTHING IN PLACE! EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!»

«Forgive me, mother,

995 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 00:12

but I don't know what I was talking about with all that thread stuff. Everyone here has perished, and while I'm not particularly bothered by all the death, the corpses are extremely disorganized. Even worse, there is no one left to sort them into neat arrangements based on their fluffiness levels.»

Little did he know, a parallel, five-dimensional universe managed to defy all physical laws, allowing it to prosper forever without any of that scary scientific stuff.

In this very locale, the author and the GSL were having tea, when

996 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 00:34

null pointer exception occurred.

997 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 04:59

All in all, it was a very long and unsatisfying story. The plot never did resolve and everyone was unhappy. Oh yeah, and they died, too.

>>998: Dedications
>>999: Back cover of novel

998 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 06:29

For My Beloved Loli, her Panda, and all those who perished in the making of this novel

999 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 08:01

THE FIRST PART OF A STUNNING TRILOGY
YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

"What just happened" - New York Times

"A MILLION STARS" - Unnamed seven year old
x 1,000,000

"Excuse me may I post on the back cover here" - DQN-kun
♥♥♥♥♥

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.