[NOVEL] DQN Short Novel [SHORT] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 20:59

Add on to this sentence

In the year 5000, when man is spreading himself across the solar system,

401 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6668 23:44

was all that was written on the piece of paper held by

402 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6669 00:23

Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII. "Hahahaha," laughed Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, "Everything goes by my plan. You fell for it, thinking that I'm out until 500 GET? But here I am, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, a man who got 400 GET! HAHAHA! Fools, your minds are nothing but a toy for my knowledgeable prowess!" And tried to awkwardly

403 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6669 01:34

retreat out of a locked wooden door while simultaneously avoiding shoes thrown at him.

404 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6669 05:50

He retreated outside and found an alleyway to his left. He went down there and hid behind a trashcan. Suddenly he heard a sound that made his blood practically freeze.

405 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6669 09:36

Some bum burped in the trashcan which immediately alerted everyone to Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII's location.

406 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6670 01:09

"Come with me if you want to live." Said a shadowy figure at the end of the alley.

It looked like Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII had no choice but to go along.

407 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6671 12:23

He ran after the shadowy figure which led him out of the alley and into a street. The street was dusty and the buildings surrounding him were constructed from wood and steel. It appears Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII had time traveled back to 1850 - The American Old West.

He looked behind him and the alley had disappeared. As he turned back around, there stood in front of him was

408 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6671 14:14


409 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6671 15:46

Unfortunately however it appeared to be out of service, as indicated by the sign taped lazily upon it which read, "Out of service".

410 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6671 18:40

Just then, scores of Arab-themed Touhou-ish characters appeared in the street and in all the windows of the town, showering Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII with a danmaku of flying shoes. Dodging and backflipping madly, he dove through the bat-wing gateway of a saloon, only to see

411 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6671 23:54

That he had entered what appeared to be a gay saloon filled with men in assless chaps and coyboy hats.

412 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6672 06:16

Then, one man stood in front of him and did a pelvic thrust in his direction, shooting a dart out of his crotch at Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, hitting him right in the neck. Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII ended up collapsing as the dart was laced with a sleeping sedative.

Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII awoke to find himself

413 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6672 11:30

tied up and stripped of jewish gold which he had taken when

414 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6673 09:36

all of the events going on earlier had happened and we lost track of him. Sadly, the case of the Jewish gold would never reach the light of day. However, this is the story...

415 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6673 15:56

all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air.

416 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6673 17:40

"If anything, I could say this cat was reir Forget it--" said Woll Smoth, just before being tackled by Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII for posting captchas and Bel-Airing in his thread.

417 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6676 16:39

"Now," said Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, "where was I? Right, about the Jew gold. You see, it all started..."

418 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6676 17:47

on a sunny day just a few years after the discovery of the internet. Kids were playing in gardens, laughing at rainbows in the sprinklers. Birds were singing and flowers were blooming.

419 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6677 00:57

"Tworlot Sporkle had just taught me a valuable lesson about friendship," continued Woll Smoth. "Wait a minute. Goddommit, Fronk!" he shouted, as he was hit in the head with a shoe.

420 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6677 05:43

Suddenly, Wool Smooth popped out of nowhere and clashed in a death-struggle with Woll Smoth.
"Die! Die you, bastard," shouted Wool Smooth as he was making Woll Smoth struggle.
To which Woll Smoth replied, "No! No, you die, block porson!"And made Wool Smooth struggle in return.

Meanwhile, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII continued his story, "...as I said it was a pleasant day. Anybody would love to take a stroll on a such fine day. However, it wasn't that enjoyable for

421 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6678 17:51

molesting pigeons in the park, which is my favorite springtime activity." His audience gasped audibly. "But I'll be damned if a little heightened security is going to stand in the way of that."

At the apex of his narration, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII was cut short once more. Wool Smooth's blood-curdling cries of anguish crashed upon scores of mahogany furnishings as he crashed through the door, incurring damages which would cost a small amount to repair. Continuing to struggle, for he appears capable of little else, Wool smooth thrashed about in what might have been a brilliant display of interpretive dance had he not bumped into a large dresser, felling its contents, and in fact the dresser itself, upon him.

"You hove doed, and I om not doed," proclaimed Woll Smoth, with a particularly gentlemanly raise of his fist.

422 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6679 17:58

http://youtu.be/nUCvjRU0neM North Corea quality!

423 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6679 18:02

">>422, vodios throd is othor woy, you bloind chomp," Woll Smoth turned his head to >>422, "Feel moi wroth!"

"No! Please no!" screamed mr. >>422 knowing that he's already doed.

424 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6679 19:45

Seeing >>422's broken body lying pitifully at their feet, Woll Smoth and Wool Smooth decided to put aside their differences and work together to

425 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6679 19:49

discover a cure for Wool Smooth's peculiar medical ailment - namely, that he is deceased.

426 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6679 20:32

And Woll Smoth bent his body to inspect the dresser, and when his face was close enough a fist punched a hole through the wood and hit Woll Smoth in the nose.

"Ooh, OW!" said Woll Smoth.
"Hahahaha! You fool! I'm not doed, I'm simply mutilated a bit," laughed mighty Wool Smooth in his face! And then Woll Smoth jumped on Wool Smooth and Wool Smooth jumped on Woll Smoth and they began to struggle once more.

Meanwhile, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII carefully looted >>422 body and took his boots. He packed them together with the one that hit Woll Smoth in the head before the struggle. He coughed and continued his riveting story,

427 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6680 00:20

"So, it all happened one day when I met this old Jewish guy by the name of Dewey Cheatham Goldstein. He had just told me about an old legend dating back to Biblical times. As you can imagine, it involved lots of Jew gold. My memory from those days are hazy, but it went something like this..." said Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII.

428 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6683 20:34

Suddenly, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII was shot in the face twelve times by

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a wild BULBASAUR playing around with a loaded gun using its lovely tentacles. It picked up the gun earlier in the day when

430 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6684 00:21

Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII was preparing his speech. He was trying to remember a Jewish story of Dewey Cheatham Goldstein which went something like this:

431 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6684 13:06

Once upon a time there was a

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beautiful transvestite called Dewey Cheatham Goldstein, who owned a pile of Jew gold. Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII stole the gold by distracting her with

433 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6685 03:23

Dr. Robotnik's

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latest invention, created specifically for this purpose: a fully automated

435 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6687 00:17

data reduction pipeline for the FRODOSpec integral field spectrograph which in layman terms was just

436 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6687 01:58

an easier way to search for hobbits, which is yelling at midgets.

437 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6687 10:59

And Dr. Robotnik just couldn't stop yelling at midgets, because it's hobbit-forming.

438 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6687 20:51

Meanwhile, in the offices of the Pun Police

439 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6688 02:14

Sean Connery was playing Jeopardy

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with Dr. Robotnik's PINGAS

441 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6688 13:47

, who went by the name of Charles. Charles had

442 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6689 04:12

five arms

443 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6689 13:18

dealers working for him in various countries. Because of his contacts in the arms trade, he was able to procure

444 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6689 15:20

prototypes that have not been

445 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6690 02:07

inside filthy JEWish rectums. Yet.

446 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6691 11:13

Somewhere else in this vast world, a vipper hijacked a dokyun for pocket change.

447 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6691 15:34

The Dokyun changed the VIPPER's pockets,

448 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6691 16:36

feeling satisfied with the sew service provided, the VIPPER proposed an affiliation between SAOVQ and DQN. However,

449 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6692 01:36

t'was not to be. As any self-respecting Dokyun will tell you, SAoVQ

450 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6692 13:35

would not allow any cooperation without a price. After all, Daddy Cool

451 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6692 14:44

is a JEW and SAoVQ is fags. The price VIPPER demand is gay sex involving trace amounts of scat and 4chan memes.

452 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6692 22:05

It's an evil circle. Daddy Cool's brilliant plan to deprive Jews from their jew gold, for which he invented VIPcoins. But it backfired. Anxious VIPPERS weren't the Jews. In desperation they had to commit petty crimes just to be able to pay him enough. As the days of secretly exchanging VIPcoins for gold and then receiving them back as a "gift", hebrewness of Daddy Cool grew and grew, turning him into a Jew...

...Into the biggest Jew the world ever seen.

His black heart craved for the pure essence of

453 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6692 23:13

an abrupt change of topic. Meanwhile, on a fishing vessel in the North Sea,

454 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6693 01:45

all engines stopped for reasons that could only be explained by

455 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6694 12:01

there being a problem with the engine in some way.

456 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6694 16:23

"Keikaku doori," said Beady Eyes, who had never previously displayed any talent for foreign languages.

Smug Fathead leaped dramatically into the scene, having spotted his nemesis, Beady Eyes. "You!" he shouted.

457 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6694 16:25

.The engine had a problem.

458 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6695 18:42

It was numb, dumb and full of cum.

459 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6695 22:52

Just like this novel!

460 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6696 11:31

But that was besides the point. We had engine problems and we needed a solution. Since Beady Eyes and Smug Fathead were too busy having gay sailor sex, the only one we could call on to fix this problem was

461 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6696 16:40

nobody because the engine got sucked into a spacial vortex sending it off to somewhere in Gensokyo after catching on fire and exploding, killing everything around it with the force of a nuclear bomb because I said so.

The end!

462 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6696 17:54

of >>461's ridiculous input. Anyway, as we were saying, the only one we could call on to fix this problem was

463 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6696 18:17

dead because they died since they were killed.

The end!

Part 3, chapter 3 The Legend of Zelda: Phantasy Star Online Chrono Trigger Monster Hunter Blazblue Project Diva: under the moon loli to issho r@`

VC: courshable

464 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6696 23:44

Um, there was an unknown island in the the middle of the

465 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6697 01:23

Laser kingdom.

466 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6697 04:27


467 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6697 05:14

Was considered a delicacy among the native Faget tribe.

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One member of the tribe, known as

469 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6697 18:05


470 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6697 18:27

whose sis was IsIs,

471 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6697 21:13

the wretched penis harlot.

472 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6697 21:51

Mexican PenPen screamed

473 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 00:27

There was a flash of lightning and a roar of thunder!

474 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 04:54

PenPen was a gundam.

475 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 15:10

Well, maybe more of a Gundam fan. As much as a penguin could be, anyway. "Wark wark," he quacked excitedly. Those Gundam Wing doujin he'd ordered had finally arrived in the mail.

476 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 17:20

Suddenly, an enraged 50 metre tall radioactive

477 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 17:55

cat who referred to itself as "Espeon"

478 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 22:08

sang the song of sorrow,

479 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 22:56

because its real name was Beady Eyes

480 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6698 23:18

"Wark," warked PenPen sadly, meaning (in Penguinese) "Almost five hundred posts and we're still talking about Beady Eyes and dick jokes? Jesus wept."

481 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 06:06

Then, Espeon took PenPen's Gundam doujin and his Ika Musume fig because Espeon is a hairy butt

482 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 11:11

Densha Otoko.

483 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 12:49

Was the only fig Espeon refused to take, for reasons unknown. Some say it's because

484 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 13:14

he ran out of hands, but we all know the true reason is that

485 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 15:49

he wasn't able to come up with a "fig leaf" to cover up such a request. While he was lost in thought, PenPen stole back the doujin and gave it to his male housemate, whom he felt needed to "man up" (the idiom in Penguinese is, oddly, identical) and surely nothing's more masculine than Heero Yuy's speeches before battle.

Meanwhile, many miles beneath the surface of the planet Mars...

486 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 18:33

...lived a merry little mole named Mike. He was his time browsing DQN. Then he noticed the thread that would forever change his life. That thread's name was...

487 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 21:41

( -) Post unhappy things...

The thread that became less and less lighthearted and more and more depressive. Without Post Happy Things thread to balance it out that thread started to spread its disease all other the board, slowly turning its inhabitants into misanthropes and sociopaths.

Mike himself became a troubled person which

488 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6699 23:01

forced him to strengthen his resolve and delve deeper into the painful thing called depression. After experiencing his own little life disappointment, he was ready to step through it's doors and drive himself insane with facing all of his painful memories and regrets to strengthen himself, but only found himself getting weaker and weaker. He tried with all his might to find some sort of strength that depression held, but kept getting weaker and kept destroying his own mentality.

Mike became a pathological liar and lied to everybody to keep this a secret to himself and only to himself because that's the only one who he truly trusted. The whole "merry" thing is nothing more than a charade, but he didn't mind since it only affected him.

One day, when Mike was busy playing a game on his PC

489 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6700 03:02

he heard a tiny voice calling out to him somewhere in his subterranean tunnel system. It sounded far, and he

490 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6700 17:10

couldn't really be bothered to go and investigate. It turns out the voice was actually

491 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6701 14:34

a product of his schizophrenic mind. He had been in the tunnels so long that his mind was starting to become unstable. As we know, this could only mean

492 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6701 14:58

one of a few things!

493 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6701 15:16

But we'll come back to that later. Anyway, the point of this whole story about Mike the depressed Martian mole was to illustrate the

494 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6702 19:59

widespread alienation that exists, in the year 5000, when man is spreading himself across the solar system,

495 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6703 06:27

and eating pizza. But that's not the point. The real point to all of this was

496 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6703 13:06

to fill in time before the upcoming 500 GET. And, if you'll cast your gaze back to the previous GETs, you'll

497 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6705 09:03

probably start complaining that GETs aren't what they used to be in your day, until you get distracted by some young whippersnapper kicking your cane away. Anyway, why

498 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6705 11:47

wouldn't some asshole make a couple of consequent posts to steal the GET and

499 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6705 11:55

waste it on some personal fetish? Well, the answer is simply

500 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6705 12:53


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