[NOVEL] DQN Short Novel [SHORT] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 20:59

Add on to this sentence
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In the year 5000, when man is spreading himself across the solar system,

601 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6753 21:16

he remembered something his father had once told him:

602 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6753 21:24

"Son, when you grow up, would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and

603 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6753 21:49

those with godawful taste in music?' His father had always been prone to non sequitur after the third whisky or so.

604 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6753 22:06

He chanced a dreary look beyond the window. It was still raining cats and dogs outside, of course.

Every once in a while, Barcelona

605 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6753 23:02

was like that. Blood and animal cries filled the streets and his heart with sorrow. Suddenly, his 600 GET just wasn't so tasty anymore. "Excuse me, waitress," he called, "

606 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6753 23:09

as he proceeded to sit in despair at the scene before him. He got so mad that he smacked his plate off of the table and left. He would figure out what caused this travesty if it was the last thing he did. However, he first called...

607 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6755 18:28

his one and only friend in the entire world,

608 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6755 21:03

( ・-・) 'sup

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. Mr Eyes picked up the phone after four rings, greeting him with

610 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6757 04:39

a comment so vulgar and obscene that Satan, a truck driver, and a sailor looked on in horror at such words.

611 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6757 08:36

How Satan came to be employed as a truck driver and a sailor is a story for another time.

After a brief exchange of insults, the two gentlemen agreed to

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fart on their respective mothers and

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got arrested. In jail they

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languished and lamented for weeks until, by a bizarre stroke of luck,

615 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6757 21:57

they got released. Turns out you can only be jailed for so long when the worst crime they can pin on you is Conspiracy to Break Wind on a Family Member. Who knew?

616 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6758 21:36

( ・-・) The Shadow knows.

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" said the schizophrenic,

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It was about this time the author realized he had completely gone astray and, for the sake of passable literature, probably ought never write and drink in the near future. Halfway to inebriated forgetfulness, however, and anxious to hammer out a somewhat logical plot before blacking out entirely, he trudged on. His efforts were admirable at the least - really quite astounding at the most, given his vodka-induced stupor.

We at the Gutenberg Project are therefore proud to present the work salvaged from the wreckage of that long and tiresome night.

Chapter 4: It's Always Sunny In Venice

619 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6759 12:46

Mr Gray was not having a good evening. His best

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jockstrap snapped, cheapest condoms

621 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6760 19:55

were sold out, and his Thai masseuse

622 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6760 22:07

inserted

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her cock into his rectum without even the common courtesy to give him a reacharound. He wasn't too sure whether the female pronoun still applied in this case, either. And to top it all off,

624 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6760 23:43

Venice was still a rather shitty place to live.

625 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6760 23:50

Super Mario

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, in short, wasn't feeling super at all today.

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Yet, the neko-android still decided to

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try to sell enough magazine subscriptions to win a pizza party. This attempt was met with

629 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6761 16:20

ubiquitous disinterest.

The depressed Venetians were all

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blind

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drunk, alone in their own apartments, wishing they

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had felt instead of thought, and become tanasinn.

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But it was not to be. Their combined powers of loneliness, however, turned out to be the source of power for

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Italian Power Metal bands, who used that power to power their power-hungry amplifiers in order to show their audiences (with their strange insistence on attending concerts in powers of two) the power of RAWK. Powerfully.

635 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6762 23:09

It was totally rad, but

636 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6763 02:49

Islam has infused, absorbed, supplanted and dialoged with

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a pig's anus

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to such a degree that it is no longer of any relevance to this story.

639 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6763 12:54

The insignificant machinations of the poor wretched Venetians were about to be overshadowed entirely by

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Dr. Robotnik's

641 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6763 13:55

elbow.

In fact, it was around this time that Dr. Robotnik's elbow, Eddie, had gained awareness of itself and begun its journey of criticizing others. He had buried himself deep into the sunset sandbox of his childhood days, the cold wet sand tickling his nerve endings, when he felt a soft, fleshy sensation that was unmistakably the warm cheek of Venice.

Mr. Gray

642 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6763 17:05

didn't even begin to

643 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6763 20:21

What did /a/ think of True Tears? shughive

644 Name: >>642.5 : 1993-09-6763 20:39

care about questions like "

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He was too busy plotting how to become an Earl and have a flavor of tea named after him.

646 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6764 08:35

Unfortunately for Mr Gray,

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the predicament of such magnitude he found himself accost,

648 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6765 12:03

with thoughts that could only be described ( as per the words of James Goldstein III, writer for the Dallas Autismal Times) as "the most sadistic, violent, and erotic thoughts since..."

649 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6765 12:29

[the rest of the comment was omitted by order of

650 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6766 03:39

MODD].

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In any case, the trap was set. And who better to trip it than the man himself - the one whom all those years before had

652 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6766 07:50

lost himself in fantasy and lost sight of his true self.

Yes, years ago, this man had woven together an elaborate narrative in which he himself had posed as various characters, including a Panda, Beady Eyes, Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, George Bush CXXIX, Ran-tan-tan, the sexy nurse from pokemon, Franz Kafka, Lord "Cat Fanny" Catfannerkins, Robopa, Deequn, Clonepa, Grandpa, Arf, the great sky loli, Tristan, Claire, Reimu, Marisa, Gerald Jay Sussman, Roger Ebert, Dr. Robotnik, Snorlax, Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna, Phil Collins, Takakazu Abe, Masaki Michishita, Porky Pig, Captain Gay Sparkle, Doctor Fujiwara, Mr. DQN Short Novel, DQN-kun, Woll Smoth, Wool Smooth, Sean Connery, Charles, Daddy Cool, Smug Fathead, PenPen, IsIs, Mike, the terminator, Richard M. Stallman, St. Shii DCLXVI, Marie Antoinette, Ms. Cho, a young man of Nordic descent, Aphrodite, Super Mario, the neko-android, Eddie the elbow, and of course, Mr. Gray himself.

But now Mr. Gray was about finally realize the madness in which he had been living. In his final dying moments after stumbling upon his own trap, all would become clear: he and these characters had been one and the same all along.

But just as Mr. Gray was about to stumble into his own trap,

653 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6766 15:22

his evil twin brother

654 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6767 00:42

wished him a happy St. Patrick's Day. Momentarily distracted, Mr. Gray

655 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6767 01:04

took a run for it and

656 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6767 12:28

somehow ended up in Timbuktu. The

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Malian Empire had waned, but the Timbuktu-to-Bamako rail line was

658 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6767 18:01

the same it had always been. That is to say; shitty and in terrible condition.

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It wasn't the only thing that was shitty and in terrible condition, as

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Mr Gray's mental health was in a similar state. Without a

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parasol to keep him from the rain, the drops smacking his bald head through the roofless train brought back terrible memories of

662 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6768 16:51

his young life on the pigeon farm, where

663 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6768 17:02

his parents raised him as a pigeon, keeping him in a tiny cage and feeding him breadcrumbs. Even today, he occasionally

664 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6768 21:09

ate stale bread from a stainless steel bowl, while feeling rather self-conscious. Alas, said bowl―a family heirloom―was nowhere to be found among his luggage.

665 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6768 21:14

Suddenly, accompanied by wailing and gnashing of teeth, the train screeched to a halt

666 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6768 23:25

as the driver had nodded off at the controls and slumped forward at an unfortunate angle.

667 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6769 06:19

The passengers slowly looked up from the personal worlds into which they had each retreated and wearily eyed each other warily. Nobody moved, all waiting for somebody else to do their thinking for them. Finally a rugged man on his way to the Bamako salt mines stood up and said,

668 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6769 14:27

"I'm tired of these motherfucking people on this motherfucking train!" He then proceeded to

669 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6769 17:08

go back to doing his sudoku, looking somewhat self-concious. His outcry prompted

670 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6769 22:28

Mr. Gray to open the emergency window

671 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6770 08:40

, which caused a rogue stream of wind to whisk his sunglasses straight into the sky.

672 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6770 12:48

"Penis!" he swore.

673 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6770 13:14

His sunglasses flew away unheeding. They were about to begin a voyage of discovery, in which

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the not-so-glorious god of

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lolis in the sky would battle

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with her own feelings of inadequacy. You see, even though she successfully annexed Poland,

677 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6772 23:15

she still secretly wished to have breasts. Thus, upon discovering Mr. Gray's sunglasses,

678 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6773 15:29

she took out her frustration on them by

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wearing them upside-down.

680 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6774 15:49

Mr Gray was not aware of these events transpiring; he was

681 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6774 22:07

a penis.

682 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6775 08:33

connoisseur, well known for

683 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6775 22:03

the lengthy reviews of not-so-lengthy phalluses he regularly publishes on his tumblr.

684 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6776 08:52

Eventually, everyone's

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thoughts and train carriages simultaneously derailed and everything floated off into space, causing

686 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6776 15:06

Mr Gray to wonder what had happened to gravity.

687 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6777 01:27

He poked his head out the window to investigate, and saw that the cause of this madness was

688 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6777 02:18

the great sky loli, whose bold fashion statement of twisted sunglassery had thrown the universe into chaos.

689 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6777 12:35

"Oh no!" lamented

690 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6777 12:57

the Bamakonian salt miner, "I've been doing this sudoku upside-down!"

691 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6777 13:17

Naturally, the

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rest of Mr. Gray's night proceeded in rather the same manner as always.

693 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6777 21:46

That is to say, he began by pouring himself a glass of

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piss

695 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6778 11:21

-poor quality Latvian wine and

696 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6778 15:55

melting a chunk of butter in a saucepan on low heat. The deliciously putrid stench of gas

697 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6778 18:52

was emanating strongly from between Dr. Robotnik's buttocks, along with a peculiar sound.

698 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6778 20:44

These were - of course - obvious signs of an upcoming momentous GET. However unlikely it may seem,

699 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6778 22:37

( ・-・) 700GE-- well, poo.

700 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6778 23:29

said Beady Eyes, narrowly missing the GET and leaving it open for none other than the mysterious masked assassin Arf, who said,

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