These are the files. I hope you have everything you need.
Taunt Ao Oni with the defaced Lara Croft picture as a distraction for Continue.
Ask Ao Oni how to summon Big Penis.
Pick up remains of grate and throw it at Ao Oni, like an awkward boomerang.
Sing a sad ballad.
Ask Ao Oni how to summon Big Penis, wait for him to charge, then leap out of the way at the last second, making him charge straight into the pipe!
Eat a snack.
Specifically, eat Jack's sac.
>>276
Ao Oni takes offence and charges at you. You place yourself between Ao Oni and the huge yellow pipe and do your best deer-in-headlights impression. Continue tries to slow Ao Oni, with predictable results. Within seconds a huge blue fist is swiftly making its way towards your brittle, vulnerable skull. Continue shrieks in horror. You leap dramatically out of the way, and fall flat on your face. Simultaneously, there is a cacophonous metallic crash from where your head just was. A huge dent has appeared in the pipe and a white aerosol hisses out of the punctured metal straight into Ao Oni's face, distracting him for a few precious moments.
>>277
You feel an urgent hunger - not surprising, as the last thing you ate was half a quiche, way back at >>80,81, and even that you threw up again at >>121,122. You look around, desperately searching for a snack, a morsel, anything to quell your stomach's hopeless yearning. Alas, this cavern is as barren of nutrition as the Atacama desert.
>>278
"That's it!" you exclaim, "I'll eat Jack's sac!" There follows an awkward silence, filled only by the sound of the mystery aerosol leaking from the pipe. Ao Oni looks at you. Continue looks at you. You look at yourself. Who is Jack? What sort of edible sac does he possess? What on earth are you talking about? Nobody knows, least of all yourself.
Realize with shame that I don't know Jack.
Then run like fuck for the nearest exit.
Grab the gun (and hopefully bullets?!) on the way out.
>>280
You don't know Jack. At first, this realisation fills you with shame, but it evokes a stronger, more elusive feeling as well - horror, dread. Slowly, you rise to your feet. You cast a vacant glance across the cavern, but nothing you see truly registers. "Who is Jack?" you mutter to yourself. Continue makes a distressed squealing noise and waves her tentacles, urgently trying to get your attention, probably to warn you to get out of the way of Ao Oni. "Who is Jack?" you ask her. She pauses a moment, then continues with redoubled urgency. At last, you turn around to face your giant blue nemesis. You stare him in the eye. He stares back, his eyes inscrutable and unwavering. "Who is Jack?" you ask him. His eyes widen, then he abruptly looks away, no longer able to meet your gaze. Continue whimpers piteously.
Who is Jack? Why don't you know who he is? If you simply don't know anyone called Jack, then why would a thought involving Jack come unbidden to your mind? What deeper association, what subtle conditioning is there in your mind to bring this about? You have no memory of anyone called Jack, but beyond a certain point you have no memory at all. Jack could be anyone. Your father could be Jack. Your son could be Jack. Your wife could be Jack. You could be Jack - indeed, you don't even know your own name; why shouldn't it be Jack?
You collapse to your knees, fill your lungs with air, raise your face upwards and scream with all your might, all your frustration, all your shame, all your horror, every fibre of your being: "WHO IS JACK‽" You try to run for the nearest exit, but there is no exit to your torment.
>>281
You reach down and pick up the handgun. The handgun is not Jack. You wander further down the cavern and find some bullets strewn across the floor, along with the remains of your briefcase. "Jack... Jack... Jack..." you mutter, under your breath. The briefcase is in a poor state; the clasps are completely broken and the handle has come off. Files spill out of the ruined case like rushed apologies from a man with low self esteem. As you are completely naked and no longer in possession of any usable receptacle, you will only be able to carry as much as you can hold in your hands or wear. You pick up the bullets - four in total. One is small, white and spherical. Another, slightly larger, is a brilliant blue colour. The third is pale green, with a white outline and shaped like an elongated grain of rice. The fourth is blood red, and shaped like an arrowhead. These are not handgun bullets. These are danmaku bullets. Is this Jack's doing?
>>282
You eat a sandwich. Instead of bread, the sandwich is made of Jack. The filling is despair. It tastes bitter, so very bitter.
Dinner making stop!
Load gun with blue bullet and shoot Ao Oni while murmuring a prayer to Jack.
Ask Jack if he remembers what day it is today, and load the fourth bullet into the handgun.
Barf up the jack
>>284
You're fairly certain you aren't making dinner, literally or figuratively.
>>285
Stoically, you slip the large, blue bullet into the barrel and level the gun against Ao Oni. "Jack have mercy on you, you giant blue bastard." you mutter dramatically. Ao Oni looks surprised at first; then fearful, cowering against the bright yellow pipe like a cornered animal; and, finally, he appears to accept his fate. He bows his giant swollen head. A single tear rolls down his cheek. The sound of a gunshot echoes through the cavern, and Ao Oni explodes with a ピチューン sound, leaving nothing but a spray of power items.
For killing a sapient creature you have gained one skill point and 50 mana. You currently have one unallocated skill point and 65 mana in total.
>>286
You continue to mutter to yourself about Jack. You don't know what day it is, and if Jack does then he certainly isn't telling. You take the red arrowhead bullet and load it into the handgun.
>>287
You try to vomit but your stomach is quite thoroughly empty. You simply retch, leaving your mouth with an unpleasant acidic taste.
>>288
You decide that you have had enough Jack for one lifetime. One Jack/despair sandwich was more than enough. You shall seek a better sandwich: a sandwich of hope, wrapped in soft-crust progress, garnished with plot development.
You passingly notice that the mystery white aerosol has stopped leaking from the pipe.
Hurry to grab the power items before they get away!
Eat those power items. In a sandwhich if possible. Give some to Continue too.
Actually, wait, only eat the edible power items. And check what's in the pipe.
How big is the pipe?
Look into the pipe and yodel.
If still alive at this point, save game.
ERROR IN OPERATION: SAVE();
GAME PROGRESS WAS UNABLE TO BE SAVED TO DISK.>>290,291
You're too slow! They've already fallen offscreen.
>>292
There's a serious dent in the pipe where Ao Oni punched it. On closer inspection, there's a thin crack that has clearly pierced the metal plating, but you cannot see inside. A faint, unfamiliar chemical smell emanates from the fissure.
>>293
It's about one metre in diameter and, in length, goes as far as you can see in either direction.
>>294
You make some sort of approximation of yodelling. Continue appears to interpret this sound as you being in pain or distress, and rushes over to you, waving her tentacles and trying to work out what the matter is.
>>295
Game saved.
Smile at Continue. Check Continue's condition, use Dress Wound skill on any serious injuries she has.
>>298
Continue calms somewhat, though she still appears tense. Five of her tentacles are injured, of which three are only bruised, one is fairly badly crushed and one has been severed halfway. As you have already healed her a little back at >>261,263 her wounds are by no means life threatening. The dress wound skill requires antiseptic, a dressing or a bandage.
You hear a faint noise coming from further down the cavern.
Give up mentally and collapse in a heap on the floor.
Huff the substance leaking from the pipe.
Switch to the control scheme from Dizzy 3.
Inspect noise.
>>302
The aerosol stopped leaking from the pipe back at >>289.
>>303
You don't know how to do that.
>>304
You wander along the cavern towards the source of the noise, Continue close at your heels. It turns out to be further than you thought; you are walking for at least ten minutes along the gently winding rocky passage, featureless apart from the giant bright yellow pipe, before finally reaching an end to the cavern in the form of a wall of filled concrete. Built into the wall is a slightly ajar heavy set metal door. Assuming this must be where the noise came from, you enter.
You find yourself in a short, narrow corridor lit by fluorescent strip lighting. Continuing your search for the source of the noise, you exit the corridor through one of the doors, selected at random. You find yourself in a small room containing a desk, chair and computer terminal. The computer terminal reads:
WARNING:
COOLANT PRESSURE CRITICALLY LOW: SUSPECTED LEAKAGE
REROUTING FROM EMERGENCY RESERVOIR...
FAILED: SUSPECTED BLOCKAGEWARNING:
PORTAL CORE STABILITY CRITICAL
DIMENSIONAL COLLAPSE IMMINENT
ENGAGING EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN PROCEDURES...
FAILED: MANUAL OVERRIDE IN OPERATIONThe chair is knocked over. There are papers scattered across the desk, some of which have fallen to the floor. A cup of coffee has been knocked over, spilling coffee over many of the papers. A cursory glance reveals that they appear mostly to be full of quantum mechanical equations, along with many graphs and tables of data which you can't readily interpret.
One side of the room is taken up by a large window, overlooking another cavern, much larger than the one you were just in. In the geometric centre of the space, hovering several metres away from any of its surroundings, you see a floating image, like a mirage, of a beautiful meadow full of brightly coloured flowers, overlooked by small, fluffy cumuli. As you watch, the grass and flowers are ruffled by a brisk Spring breeze.
The cavern is laced with catwalks and metal scaffolding. The walls are interspersed with windows looking into rooms more or less identical to your own. In one room, high up on the opposite face, you see a man staring back at you. Your eyes meet, then he turns and leaves the room.
>>305
You are not in possession of any sandwiches.
Wring coffee from the papers back into the cup and drink it.
Attempt to access pornography from computer terminal.
Go to the computer and go to http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1341413503/
Take some papers to use as makeshift bandages. I assume we left the ruined briefcase back in the cavern, so stuff them into our pockets, I guess. (do we have pockets?)
Also search the desk for anything useful.
>>307
You manage to drain a small amount of dark brown liquid back into the cup; barely enough to coat the bottom. You swallow it all in one gulp. It tastes very odd; rather unlike coffee. It tastes faintly of almonds.
>>308
You open the browser and type in one of the usual URLs.
THIS WEBSITE IS BLOCKED IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR COMPANY'S
INTERNET USAGE POLICY FOR THE FOLLOWING REASON:
PORNOGRAPHYFOR MORE INFORMATION, AND IF YOU BELIEVE THIS WEBSITE TO HAVE
BEEN BLOCKED INCORRECTLY, CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR.>>309
You open this very thread.
>>310
You take some of the papers. You can now use the dress wound skill, if necessary. You are completely nude and have no receptacle to hold objects - the closest you have to pockets is an all consuming void lurking in your crotch - so you can only carry as much as you can hold in your hands. You are currently carrying a handgun loaded with one bullet in your right hand, and two bullets and five sheets of paper in your left hand.
In the desk drawer, you find an unsealed letter. It is addressed to:
>>835
Demanding from the next poster
The Elitist Superstructure of DQN
4-ch.net
http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1314324451/835
Inside is a piece of paper reading "I demand that >>837 write a short story from the point of view of a shrine maiden."
Insert obstinate terminal into mysterious crotch hole of doom.
Make the following post in this thread:
">>313
You obediently type out the post and hit reply, then suddenly notice a fresh set of clothes and shiny new briefcase on the desk. How convenient!"
>>313
You obediently type out the post and hit reply, then suddenly notice a fresh set of clothes and shiny new briefcase on the desk. How convenient!
>>312
You crouch on the desk, legs spread, and push the corner of the machine into your crotch. It seems to contort and fold itself as it falls into the void, as though turning in a spacial dimension not visible to you, and disappears without a trace. For good measure, you allow your crotch void to consume the keyboard, mouse, cables and all the other computer paraphernalia as well.
>>313
You cannot post in this thread without a computer with internet access.
Shoot the window in the vague direction where the man was.
Curse quietly.
>>316
You turn back to the window, and are startled to find that the floating image of the meadow has expanded to fill the entire space. It seems somehow more real and immediate than before - you can not only see the wind blowing through the flowers, but can also hear it. You can even feel the early Spring sunlight gracing your naked body. There's something subtly off about the whole scene, but you can't quite put your finger on it.
You aren't sure what direction the man was in, but you level the handgun towards the window and pull the trigger. The window pane shatters, in the wrong direction - the glass shards are propelled back towards you - and the meadow floods into the room and surrounds you. Everything goes white. Three words echo through your head, unbidden: "Dimensional collapse imminent"...
>>317
"God fucking damn it," you mutter to yourself inaudibly, as your consciousness fades away from you yet again.
You awaken to find yourself lying on your back, staring up at the sky. A young girl, perhaps around twelve years old, is looking down at you. She is wearing a black pleated skirt, white blouse, dark blue cardigan, blue neckerchief and black knee-high socks. Her hair is held up in two places with little white ribbons. Her face is rife with concern, which appears assuaged at least a little by your return to consciousness.
"N-Nameless Protagonist-chan, are you okay?" she enquires, helping you to your feet. Looking down, you find that you are dressed in an identical uniform to her. You look vacantly at her. "Protagonist-chan? It's me, your osananajimi, Continue-chan!" she explains. "We have to hurry, or we'll be late to our first day at Grinding Noises Gakuen!" She casts a dramatic glance across the flower-laden meadow, eyes sparkling, and says excitedly, "Ara ara, from today onwards we'll be chuugakusei! I'm feeling so dokidoki!"
Lift skirt and inspect crotch (out of the corner of our eye) to see if the crotch void is there. And don't point it at Continue-chan.
>>319
You turn away from Continue-chan and cautiously lift your skirt. Like any self-respecting joshigakusei, you are, of course, wearing pantsu. Specifically, you are wearing cute white pantsu with tasteful frills and a little white bow at the top. Still, you need to know what lies in the untold depths of your crotch. Shamelessly, you peel your pantsu down your thighs, looking out of the corner of your eyes at what lies beneath.
Continue-chan seems horrified by your unmaidenly conduct. "P-P-Protagonist-chan, why are you doing such hentai things? W-we have t--" she is interrupted by a computer cable launching itself at high velocity from between your legs, and landing in the field a few metres away. This is swiftly followed by more cables, a mouse, keyboard, a computer chassis, a monitor, a handgun and a severed foot.
Ponder if Jack-onii-chan could repair the computer, but since he is probably not here, try to figure it out myself.
Give panties to Continue-chan for safe keeping.
>>321
You don't know anyone called Jack, and you certainly don't know of any Onii-chan you may have. You're no expert on computer repair, but you're fairly certain they need to be plugged in to work.
>>322
You slip off your frilly white pantsu and hand them to Continue-chan. She blushes profusely, and appears to misinterpret the gesture. "P-Protagonist-chan," she whispers, voice failing her, "W-we can't, it's dame! My kokoro isn't ready!" She seems more bothered by this than by the paraphernalia that just spontaneously ejected itself from your nether regions.
Blush profusely and shout "gomenasai!" Then throw your panties into the air and run off dramatically in tears.
Curse quietly.
Applaud and shout "congratulations!"
Gleefully stroke chin.
Gleefully make a din.
Add too many commands to the command queue
>>324
You swear you've never seen this man in your life.
>>325
Aware of your faux pas but too young and immature to take responsibility for your miscommunication, you run away, casting tears and underwear about with wild abandon, whilst mispronouncing "Gomen nasai". Of course, as you are in the middle of a field, there isn't really anywhere to run away to.
>>326
"Kuso," you mutter under your breath.
>>327
You turn back to face Continue-chan. She is staring at you helplessly, her visage awash with tears, despair and betrayal. "Omedetou gozaimasu!" you shout to her, clapping energetically. Continue-chan sobs piteously.
>>328
You smile to yourself with glee and stroke your chin like an elderly philosopher preparing to pontificate on some esoteric topic.
Continue-chan abruptly stops crying and looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible! "Ufufufufu! If you're going to toy with my kokoro like that," she giggles, "I think I'll toy with you a little myself!" She stalks towards you meaningfully. You try to back away, but trip over a severed foot that happens to be lying in the grass. You cannot get up as Continue-chan is already standing over you, casting a menacing silhouette against the bright blue sky. In one fluid motion, she reaches back and takes something gleaming and metallic from the back of her skirt - a knife!
She raises the blade above her head, and swings it down violently into your mune, again and again, laughing maniacally as flecks of your blood spray over her seifuku.
>>329
You certainly make quite a din, begging for mercy and screaming with pain, but the glee is all Continue's.
>>330
You cannot add commands to the command queue; you're too busy being stabbed to death.
As your consciousness fades away like the blood seeping into the dirt beneath you, the last thing you see is Continue-chan's blood-speckled face, smiling affectionately at you. Then you die.
GAME OVER
Deaths: 10
(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>320)
Inspect severed foot
Resolve the Jack Conundrum by taking on the name for yourself in lieu of Nameless Protagonist.
Retrieve handgun.
>>332
It's fairly large - probably an adult's - and appears to have been severed a fair while after death. There is no sign of blood in or on it, and pallor mortis has set in. The severance, above the ankle, is fairly clean, and appears to have been done with a sharp implement.
>>333
Your name is now Jack Conundrum-chan.
>>334
You search through the grass, and before long locate the handgun. These are, of course, illegal here in Nippon, so you've never seen one in real life and have no idea how to use it. Continue-chan appears quite distressed by the object. "Conundrum-chan, put that down! It's abunai! Now hurry up, or we'll be late for jugyou!"
Hide gun somewhere on my person (preferably without Continue noticing) and follow Continue.
Hide Continue somewhere on my person (preferably without the gun noticing) and follow the computer.
kick foot
>>336
There's nowhere on your person that you can convincingly hide a large, bulky object like this. Your skirt contains two small, dainty pockets, but they're more suited to hiding okashi or the occasional love letter than dangerous weapons. You try to hide it in your sock, unsuccessfully. You could try to hide it in your pantsu, were it not for the all consuming void in your crotch. You have to settle for holding it in your hand.
You don't insult Continue-chan's intelligence by pretending that there's any possibility she hasn't seen you fumbling around with a handgun, trying to hide it in your clothes, right in front of her.
You follow your osananajimi towards your new chuugakkou. You pass by many scenic rural scenes of fields full of rice seedlings set against tall, green mountains, stone stairs and red torii hinting at the presence of enigmatic and unseen jinja, and, finally, an avenue of blooming sakura trees leading to the building itself.
>>337
You grab Continue-chan around the waist and attempt to pick her up and slip her in your pocket. You fail even to lift her from the ground - instead, your hands slide up her young, nubile body and end up cupping her soft, yet satisfyingly firm, breasts. "Kyaa~!" she exclaims, body stiffening with unexpected and unknown pleasure. You decide that you can't hide her anywhere on your person, and let go of her. You're fairly certain the gun hasn't noticed. Though you can't guarantee it hasn't been moved, you think it safe to assume the computer is still in a field several hundred metres back, making it rather futile to follow.
>>338
Just as the two of you are about to enter the school gates, Continue-chan stands for a moment, looking up at the chuugakkou building where the two of you are to spend the next three years coming of age, going through puberty and suchlike. She takes a deep breath, readying her maidenly body and soul to take this momentous step in her life. You decide this is the perfect time to kick her in the foot from behind.
She goes sprawling onto the floor with a cry of surprise, scraping her knee and ripping one of her socks. Her striped pantsu flash from under her skirt. All the nearby gakusei stare at her, heightening her embarrassment to an unbearably painful degree. With a great effort, she picks herself up from the pavement, desperately fighting back the tears welling in her eyes. Silently, she looks into your face - seeking some reason, some trace of humanity - then down at the gun in your hand, finally appearing to resign herself to inaction. She walks solemnly towards the building, hanging her head.
Continue-chan may be too timid to admonish you, but that doesn't mean the narrator isn't going to. You monster.
You get a lot of strange looks due to the handgun you're carrying, but nobody does anything about it, likely assuming it isn't real. Finally, you get to the kyoushitsu for your first jugyou. The Sensei walks in - a fairly short man with unkempt black hair. He is wearing a grey suit. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can't quite place him. "Ohayou gozaimasu, mina-san," he begins, "Today's jugyou will be about dimensional collapse..."
Listen quietly and intently like a good little girl.
Fart, but quietly like a good little girl.
Point your gun at nobody in particular and proclaim, "Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"
>>340
You sit upright and listen to Sensei's lecturing. He has an indecisive, meandering manner of speaking, along with a tendency to go off on obscure tangents and an evident fondness of intricate diagrams that attempt to show several things at once. Nonetheless, you manage to keep up well, and learn all about the metastable nature of the third spatial dimension, which may collapse at any moment in a false vacuum-like event to leave a world which is, though technically two dimensional, in possession of nested fractal dimensions so as to appear three dimensional. You also learn, in passing, all about the applications to string theory, number theory, exotic animal husbandry and the novel Anna Karenina, amongst other things.
>>341
Try as you might, nothing will come out, quietly or otherwise. Indeed, you're fairly certain that youjo are physiologically incapable of farting or pooping.
>>342
You stand up, brandish the gun, and make a vague but assertive threat to nobody in particular. Sensei turns around from the blackboard, eyes wide and jaw hanging open. "I-it's you! Oh dear god!" he cries in horror, before diving out of the kyoushitsu and sprinting away down the corridor.
Follow sensei, but remember the rule of pointing guns: do not aim at anything you are not prepared to shoot.
Loudly sing 僕らはみんな生きている* while skipping after *sensei.
Assess whether or not I possess an anus in light of my failed attempt at farting earlier.
Don't shoot.
Assert my Americaness while pursuing sensei. Also remember that, since I'm American, I have legally owned and used over a thousand guns, making me quite proficient at brandishing guns and being 100% American.
>>344
You follow sensei at a brisk pace. You turn the gun around to make sure you don't shoot anyone.
>345
You begin to loudly sing and skip. The enormous amount of effort for you to learn Japanese as you sing while skipping causes you to trip. The gun goes off lodging a bullet into your heart. You are dead.
>>346
You cannot assess in death.
>>347
You won't be shooting anymore.
>>348
You are buried in an American made casket draped in a flag. 21 rifles are shot and eagles released at your funeral. After the funeral a barbecue is held in your honor.
Enter resurrect code
>>350
You are resurrected. Unfortunately you are in a flag draped casket under 6 feet of earth.
start digging.
>>352
Many centuries later, a casket is found by archaeologists containing a man's skeleton, with evidence of frantic scratching from the inside. This evidence of vivisepulture leads to much argument in the contemporary archaeologist community, as the consensus is that early twentieth century medical science should have been more than sufficient to confirm death before burial. This is confused still further by a bullet that appears to have pierced the heart, which should have been enough to kill any human. Some claim that the corpse is wrongly dated, and in fact from far earlier; others claim it to be Mafia work, while still others claim it to be an elaborate prank. A number of books are written about your corpse, and you even have the honour of being implicated in several government conspiracy theories.
At any rate, you are most decidedly dead. Again.
GAME OVER
Deaths: 12
(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>343)
You chase after Sensei with all your might. His flimsy theoretical physicist body cannot keep up with your genki youthfulness, and you soon corner him at the top of a stairwell. Like the sensible little youjo you are, you keep your gun pointed diametrically away from either yourself or your quarry.
"P-please," he gasps, desperately out of breath, "I'll do anything, j-just don't... don't... that thing..."
He keeps glancing over your shoulder, as though expecting something unspeakably ghastly to appear behind you at any moment. By contrast, he appears entirely unfazed by your sidearm.
"Get me a fucking sandwich!"
Shame Sensei for talking about his "thing".
Call for Continue-chan.
Shoot blindly over the shoulder. Twice.
"Now give me some answers, or I'll give you the crotch!" Gesture menacingly toward our crotch area.
>>354
"Y-yes, right away, mistress." he mumbles, scurrying away towards the cafeteria. You follow close behind, watching closely for any signs of insubordination. Five minutes later you are sitting in the otherwise deserted cafeteria hall (hiruyasumi isn't for another half hour) accompanied only by Sensei and a cheese sandwich. Sensei looks to have calmed somewhat, but he is clearly still on edge.
>>355
You're not sure what this "thing" is that Sensei mentioned before, but you're convinced it must be something shameful. You attempt to convince Sensei of his guilt, but he insists that he doesn't want to talk about "it".
>>356
Sensei flinches as you call for your companion. She sheepishly pokes her head around the door, clearly having been following you loyally this whole time, but unable to muster the nerve to show herself. She comes and sits next to you, a nervous smile on her face.
>>357
You suddenly brandish the gun, point it over your shoulder and pull the trigger twice. Sensei and Contiue-chan both yelp in surprise, and Sensei attempts to adopt the brace position. Nonetheless, the gun does not actually fire, and instead just makes clicking noises. You aren't sure why.
>>358
You stand up from the table and threaten Sensei with your pelvic region. You even flash your pantsu at him to show him you mean business. He appears simultaneously terrified, mystified and deeply unnerved. He simply sits staring at your crotch, jaw quivering, unable to form words.
insert sandwich into crotch orifice of doom
Ask sensei why we lost contact with the control tower.
Put my handgun on the table and look around for any loot.
Apologise to Continue-chan for earlier
>>360
Clearly, Sensei has not grasped the gravity of the situation, you conclude. You must demonstrate the terrible power you wield. A stony look on your face, you grab the cheese sandwich, drop your pantsu, spread your legs and slip it into your crotch. It disappears without a trace. Sensei is mesmerised by the sight, eyes vacant, mind clearly blank. In a trance, he reaches across the table, hand stretching towards your special place. "H-hentai!" you scream reflexively, flipping your skirt back into place and pulling your pantsu back up. Sensei regains his faculties once he loses eye contact with the void, and seems surprised to find himself sprawled across the table as he is. He sits back down, shakes his head, opens his mouth as though about to say something, then thinks better of it and simply looks at you bewilderedly.
>>361
Sensei gives an abrupt, high pitched nervous laugh. "The Control Tower? You really think they're going to help us now?" He buries his head in his hands. "This is far beyond the Control Tower, you know. Nobody higher up's going to put an end to this catastrophe. It's all up to us."
>>362
You decide that this conversation is far too serious and depressing for your maidenly kokoro. You cast the heavy, useless lump of metal you've been carrying around onto the table and set off in search of shiny trinkets and takaramono. Alas, a thorough search of the cafeteria yields only a paperclip and half a biscuit.
>>363
"Continue-chan, I'm really sorry about before; please forgive me. I didn't mean it. I don't know what came over me. W-we're still tomodachi, aren't we?" you implore, voice quivering with contrition. "O-of course!" she replies at once, and rushes over towards you to hug you dramatically.
Unfortunately, she doesn't have the chance, as at that moment Sensei grabs her about the waist and backs away, holding the handgun (which you foolishly left within his reach) against her head. "Don't move! I'll shoot!" he threatens. His hand is shaking slightly. Continue-chan struggles against his grip, but to no avail. In the absolute silence of the empty cafeteria, you hear a gentle click as Sensei releases the safety on the handgun. "Now," he says, "You listen to me for a change. First of all, where the hell is that... that thing? That tentacled abomination, where is it?"
Consume biscuit.
Dub the adventure, 4kids style, for added hilarity and obfuscation.
Say that I don't know anything about any tentacled thing, but that it sounds extremely hentai and not like something a Sensei should be talking to his student about.
Ask sensei where the mecha suits are.
Make your best RoboCop impression and say, "This is the police. Drop all your weapon."
>>365
Without a word, you take the half-biscuit, slowly lift it to your mouth, take a bite, chew and swallow. You maintain eye contact with Sensei throughout. You take another bite, chew and swallow. The tension is unbearable. You put the remainder of the biscuit in your mouth, chew it and, finally, swallow. Sensei and Continue-chan stare at you, equal parts incredulous and expectant.
>>366
Hilarious and obfuscatory as that would no doubt be, you suspect that you'd find it rather difficult to dub other people's speech without knowing what they're going to say first, and especially difficult to dub your own speech whilst you're saying it.
>>367
At long last, you acknowledge Sensei's threat. You feign complete ignorance on the topic of tentacular entities, and try to divert attention towards the inappropriate nature of the topic itself. Sensei is not fooled. "Bullshit!" he interjects, "I saw you standing right next to the accursed thing! You can't possibly not have seen it. Now tell me, where is it?"
>>368
Undeterred, you continue your campaign of distraction. Sensei does not take the bait. He grips Continue-chan tighter, lifting her clean off the ground, and presses the barrel of the handgun into her temple. "T-tasukete, Conundrum-chan!" she pleads, namida streaming down her little face in rivulets.
>>369
You aren't sure who this Robokoppu is, but you attempt to impersonate him nonetheless. "This is the keisatsu." you say in a steely voice, "Otose all your kyouki." Sensei actually appears somewhat taken aback by the threat, and tries to negotiate with you. "Look, okay, forget about the tentacle thing. Do you know of any way back to the facility? Or at least to contact them? Anything? Come on, we can work together here."
You suddenly remember that you have at most five minutes before hiruyasumi starts, at which point the cafeteria will be flooded with gakusei. It may be wise to try to resolve the hostage situation before that, or it might escalate out of your hands.