These are the files. I hope you have everything you need.
Allocate skill point to Pole Dancing.
>>698
"Hey, you fustilarian!" you shout at the girl in pink. She pauses in mid-air and turns her black, vacuous eye sockets to face you. Momentarily distracted, she is very nearly hit by a laser shot by Continue-chan, dodging it by mere centimetres.
>>699
You charge into the clearing, wielding your weapon, so as to be in place to let your Asses of Badassness taste blood for the first time. Alas, your combatant seems more inclined to stick to her ranged weaponry. This is not entirely unreasonable, as she doesn't appear to be in possession of any melee weapon. Thankfully Stove Stove is more than happy to continue acting as an interceptor.
>>700
You try to lay claim to the coveted 700GET, but cannot as you lack a suitable device with internet access. Even if you could, unfortunately somebody - as some sort of sick joke - has already taken it from you with a post, itself, commanding you to claim it, as though simply to taunt you.
>>701
Try as you might, you cannot will this skill point to become assigned to the Pole Dancing skill, possibly because you just made that skill type up. It doesn't matter, you rationalise; you are already so innately talented at all types of dancing that you need no super-/unnatural aid in such matters.
The girl in pink retreats a few metres to the edge of the forest, hovering gently just above the flaming foliage, sheathed in smoke. She drops Mecha Alexei Fujiwara to the ground, where he lands in a limp pile. Meanwhile, the girl raises both arms above her head and begins to chant something - you cannot hear over the crackling of the fire. Continue-chan stops firing, staring cautiously at the girl. You grab her hand (the one not occupied by a laser gun) for consolation. Stove Stove places itself between the two of you and the girl, quivering slightly with apprehension.
Heal Continue-chan's leg so we can make a getaway
>>703
Making good use of all of those skill points you put into the healing skill, you carefully remove the foreign body that has rudely intricated itself into your darling Continue-chan's foot. You then use your basic magical healing skill on the limb until the bleeding stops. Thankfully, as your patient is undead and, hence, no longer has or needs a functioning circulatory system, you only incur a loss of 10 mana, leaving you with 80 mana remaining. You consider also employing your dress wound skill, but the only thing you can think of that would make a suitable bandage is your own pantsu, and that would be far too lewd. Your cheeks flush crimson at the very thought.
Continue-chan now seems in a fit state to make a strategic retreat, or keep fighting, depending on how things unfold. The chanting of the girl in pink, which has been steadily increasing in volume, stops abruptly. You look up to find that she has vanished.
It's a trap! She's probably gonna pop up behind us! Stove Stove, protect us!
Wait, wait. Are you saying Continue-chan is a trap?
Check Continue-chan's crotch for a penis.
>>705
This sudden disappearance of your adversary can only be a sign of dishonourable artifice, you conclude. You spin around, expecting a needle to the back, but she is not there either. Indeed, however much you or Continue-chan whip your heads back or forth, you see no sign of her.
You play as Stove Stove to protect the two damsels of the party. You quickly locate a deadly projectile falling gently down from somewhere above - to the untrained eye it may appear like a simple envelope, but you know that it is no doubt full of anthrax spores or something equally nefarious. Using your short range teleportation (active skill), you bat it out of the air, letting it land near the non-burning end of the clearing, a few metres from the delightful young ladies in your charge.
>>706
Returning your consciousness to the entity known as Jack Conundrum-chan, you find your doubt and suspicion still unabated. Why has the girl in pink vanished? Why doesn't she feel the need to fight? Is it because she knows your party to already be compromised? Continue-chan has been wounded by that needle; what if it was laced with some sort of psychoactive agent? Has Continue-chan been turned into some sort of evil trap to ensnare or kill you? Does the word trap have some ancillary meaning you aren't aware of? You have many questions, but no answers.
>>707
Now that you've established that Continue-chan is a potential traitor, you feel the need to ascertain what else might she be hiding from you. As you well know, the best place to hide things - such as, for instance, a penis - is in your crotch, as to search there is considered by most a serious taboo. Of course, if your crotch happens to contain an all-consuming void it mightn't be quite such an excellent hiding place, but there's no reason to suppose that Continue-chan's crotch is anything like yours.
You watch as Continue-chan walks over to the envelope that just dropped from the sky, bends over to pick it up, and tears it open. She reads the contents studiously by the light of the burning foliage to your rear. You hear her utter a gentle gasp of shock, and take the opportunity to flip up her skirt, pull down her pantsu and inspect her crotch. "Dame!" exclaims Continue-chan, a few seconds too late.
Sticking out of her crotch is a black and white kitten's head. You stare at the kitten. The kitten stares back at you. The kitten jumps inquisitively out, towards you, landing in your lap. It mews gently. It is followed, swiftly, by another kitten, this time ginger. This is followed by two more, then three, then many more. The space between Continue-chan's thighs is simply a flowing mass of soft fur, wide eyes and little pink noses. They swarm outwards, more and more, faster and faster. "Oh dear god," screams Continue-chan, "What did you do‽" You cannot reply as you have been thrown to the ground by the endless stream of kittens, and are too winded to speak. You are soon buried entirely in kittens. You just barely hear Continue-chan's last words - "No! Not like this!" - when you begin suffocating under the hot, fluffy mass of kittens. Before long you stop struggling and accept your fate. You hear a playful meow in your ear as you consciousness fades away, for good.
GAME OVER
Deaths: 32
(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>704)
Grab the envelope and use envelope opening (active skill) and literacy (passive skill) to read it.
Grab the envelope after it falls and use envelope open (active skill) and literacy (passive skill) to read the contents.
Double post because of verification code issues.
Have the totally random and completely unrelated to erased time threads thought that maybe death by too much pussy isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Enrich ourselves by meditating on our past mistakes from previous lifetimes.
Fantasise about that scientist we killed by the fountain.
>>709
You have a sudden urge to grab an envelope and read its contents. But you're in the middle of a forest; where on earth would you find something like that? Envelopes, in your humble experience, are associated with the postal service, and are usually found in places such as postboxes and post offices; not in forests. Really, what were you thinking with this willy-nilly envelope opening and letter reading?
>>710
Just as you're thinking this, an envelope lands on your head. You run your finger under the tab, tearing open the top edge, and pull out a neatly folded A4 sheet of paper. It reads:
To whom it may concern,
I do hereby formally challenge the recipient of this letter to a duel, to take place in the clearing in which last we met, at the next sunrise. Let it be known that the challenging party shall wield an espada ropera; the challenged party may fight with the aid of any weapon of their choosing. In the case of defeat on the part of the challenged party, the challenged party shall pledge their lives to the service of the good Lady Cassandra. In the case of victory on the part of the challenged party, the challenger shall pledge their life to the service of the challenged party.
Yours faithfully,
Jacqueline Conundra
>>711
You find the overly ornate, cursive writing so difficult to decipher it is almost like a code. Furthermore, though it is tempting to conclude that this was written by the girl in pink, you could really do with some sort of verification of this assumption. Indeed, you find your verification/code issues so troubling that you decide to write out a double of the item of post you just received. Unfortunately you cannot, as you lack a usable writing implement.
>>712
You have a strange, inexplicable thought, the significance of which you cannot even guess at.
>>713
You aren't aware of any previous lifetimes you've had; that would be silly. I mean, you've had plenty of near death experiences, but it's not as though you've actually died and then somehow relived the preceding moments differently or anything like that. How would that work, anyway?
Apart from that... you have some vague, yet quite troubling memories of a dream you had - or was it a dream? - when you passed out in the field on your way to your first day of chuugakkou. You could've sworn, for instance, that you'd seen your future Sensei somewhere before...
>>714
You recall something so horrifying that part of you struggles desperately to repress it from yourself. Somewhere, in some strange, other world, you murdered someone - an innocent woman of science - while she lay helpless, unconscious on the floor. The blood! Who would have thought the lady to have had so much blood in her? Out, damned spot! Out, you say!
Once you're quite done fantasising about dubious acts of murder in parallel universes, you turn to thinking about plans for the immediate future. You have only a few hours at most until dawn in which time to prepare, or sleep, or run away. The forest is still on fire, Mecha Alexei Fujiwara is still lying unconscious a few metres away, and you still have one unspent skill point.
Put skill point into pyromancy. Enjoy the fire.
Tell Continue-chan about the duel and ask to borrow her laser weapon. Revive Mecha Alexei with necromancy? Healing? A new battery? Whatever it takes.
Wait for challenger to arrive.
Ask for Easy-to-wield-instant-death-laser-with-autoaim to challenger, as per instructed. Refuse to duel if the weapon is not offered to us, as that would not comply with the duel agreement we celebrated previously.
Draw Big Penis on Alexei's cheek before he wakes up.
>>716
You now have level three pyromancy. You have unlocked the following skill:
Magical firelighting (active skill): Can spontaneously produce a small flame between thumb and forefinger. Costs one unit of mana per second.
You gaze into the fire, taking the time to appreciate the warm colours, the fluid, dancing motion of the flames, as contrasted with the sedate spiralling of the smoke above; the playful crackling noises, the ashy smell in the air, and the feeling of the radiated heat against your skin. How delightful.
>>717
Continue-chan is only too happy to offer her laser gun, however you cannot possibly carry it along with the ceremonial stone knife and Asses of Badassness. Both the laser gun and Asses of Badassness require both hands to wield properly, although you could probably just about sheath the stone knife somewhere in your clothing, if it weren't already full of forks.
You attempt to revivify your long-suffering cybernetically enhanced companion. He is breathing, shallowly, and if you put your ear to his clockwork eye you can hear a faint ticking, but otherwise he seems dead to the world. Alas, you cannot use any of your reanimation skills on him as he is already reanimated, you cannot heal him as you cannot locate any injuries, and you don't have any batteries. You settle for using your place in recovery position (active skill) on him, to little obvious effect.
>>718
You sit, waiting, staring into the slowly receding fire, until the sky turns grey and the stars silently fade from sight. Just as the sunlight breaks over your particular patch of forest, the girl in pink rematerialises behind you, sword in hand. You make your demand to her and make quite clear that your participation in the duel depends on it. A business card sized piece of paper appears in front of you. It reads:
The responsibility of provision of weaponry rests upon the duellist wielding said weapon. Furthermore, refusal to fight for any reason shall be interpreted as a concession of defeat.
>>719
Hilarious as that would no doubt be, you lack any suitable writing utensil.
Drop Asses of Badassness in order to wield Continue's laser; shoot at the girl in pink, aiming at the penile region, because if Touhou fandom has taught us anything it's that floaty magical girls in fancy dresses who shoot needles around are generally hermaphrodites.
Press shift for focused movement.
Change to イージーモード.
>>721
You abandon your slapdash improvised scythe in favour of the more reliable and, frankly, more badass laser gun. You aren't sure what a "Touhou fandom" is, or what it/they has taught you, but you do have some idea the untold horrors that lurk in little girls' crotches and thus decide that this would be the best place to aim your first attack. By the time you level the barrel and pull the trigger, however, she has already dodged well out of the way. Another small piece of paper floats down in front of you.
Much as I admire your enthusiasm, let us first settle the conditions of the duel. Are we to fight a) to the first blood b) until vocal admission of defeat or c) to the death?
>>722
You missed! You need to focus your movement, you decide. To calibrate your fine motor control and reaction time, you sheathe your firearm and, charging boldly forth, attempt to press your index finger up your fellow duellist's dress and into her shift, which you assume she's probably wearing somewhere underneath. You catch her off guard and very nearly succeed, hand brushing alluringly against the soft fabric of her befrilled undergarments, but don't encounter the telltale resistance of a direct hit, as she has already retreated upwards into the air. She appears somewhat flustered.
>>723
Having set the difficulty to Hard Mode back at >>545,548 you are now finding the combat somewhat more challenging than you'd care to admit. Unfortunately, as you are now a chuugakusei, it is no longer acceptable to play on Easy Mode. You would sooner die than incur such shame.
Duel to death
Curse quietly
Save game. Really save it.
Hide behind Stove Stove
>>725 and if we meet death, duel past it and keep duelling through un-death and into the afterlife.
>>725
"To the death!" you declare melodramatically. Another note meanders out of the air in front of you, reading:
Very good. The duel may begin at your discretion.
You take a deep breath, straighten your spine, and glance sideways at Continue-chan. For all that she has become quite an imposing character since your betrayal and her death, just now she looks every bit the timid schoolgirl you knew and loved. Her hands are clasped together at her breast, and her face is awash with anguish. "Please," she whispers, "Conundrum-chan, don't die."
>>726
"May your sword rust and be blunted, may your garish frilled garments rot away, and may your aberrant, unjustifiable existence be swiftly and promptly put to an end, you godless, eyeless monster." you mutter in the general direction of your opponent. She tries to give no acknowledgement to the comment, but you can see her lip twitch.
>>727
(Game saved)
(New save file created: >>730.sav)
>>728
In a moment of weakness and fear, you run away and hide behind the comforting regularity and smoothness of Stove Stove, who is perched nearby. Your opponent seems to interpret this as the start of the duel, and darts through the air, over your head, landing a few paces in front of you, sword pointed straight at you.
She lunges at you, and, as you are cowering in fear, you cannot dodge or counterattack fast enough. The cold steel pierces your thorax and cuts straight into your heart. You die.
GAME OVER
Deaths: 33
You attempt to challenge the GAME OVER to a duel, but cannot because your consciousness no longer exists in any meaningful sense. Similarly, you cannot duel your way to undeath, as your body is not reanimated, nor into the afterlife, because it doesn't exist.
(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>730)
Shoot at MiTG until she dies.
>>731
I mean MGiP, I don't even know how could I make such a mistake.
Show Jacqueline your oppai as a distraction.
Wonder if your prepubescent bust even counts as oppai.
Touch prepubescent bust.
Bust a move.
Bust a rhyme.
>>731,732
You fire lasers at the mysterious girl in pink - whom you now know to be called Jacqueline - like a very small, highly directional quasar. Unfortunately, you lack any training in the use of firearms, and thus are even more hopelessly unable to keep up with your opponent's deft movements than Continue-chan was earlier. Jacqueline jumps and bounds around, sword whipping by faster than you can even see, stubbornly refusing to put herself in the path of your deadly lasers.
>>733
Dropping your weapon temporarily, you lift your blouse and flash your diminutive chest at her. She pauses a moment, a metre or two away, and another piece of paper makes itself known to you.
Am I to interpret this as a gesture of surrender?
You suspect that her confusion arises from the similarity of your white blouse to a white flag, coupled with the fact you just laid down your arms.
>>734
You could be using this situation as an opportunity to commit perfidy, but instead get distracted by the semantics and application of the word oppai - as opposed to, for instance, chichi, chibusa or mune. Mune seems the most apt description of your bust to you, but that doesn't necessarily invalidate the other options.
>>735
You decide to gently fondle your mune by way of research. Just at that moment, Jacqueline thrusts her sword straight at your upper chest. It lodges in your left hand, between your carpus and the ends of your metacarpals. The pain is excruciating. "Aaaaaaaargh!" you scream. Your opponent appears unimpressed, and attempts to withdraw her weapon for another attack. Alas, it proves to be quite well lodged in your lower hand.
>>736
You try to come up with something to distract yourself from the agonising pain; something calming, reminiscent of better times. You decide to perform a nice pirouette to ease your distress. You spin hard enough to pluck the sword right out of your rival's hand, and after half a turn the centrifugal force looses it from your hand as well, leaving it arcing across the clearing and into the undergrowth with a spray of blood.
>>737
You cannot resist making a quip towards your now disarmed adversary. "You may have thought me harmless... but now I've left you armless!"
Crack Jaqueline in the head with the back end of your gun, a move also known as a "buttstroke".
Finish her off with Asses of Badassness.
Declare her a sore loser.
Collect a stick of charcoal from burnt forest. Use it to draw Big Penis on her cheek, and Alexei's too since we couldn't earlier.
Before doing that, magic heal our own left hand!!
>>739
As she is still stunned, you take the laser gun from the floor and stroke Jacqueline's butt. No, wait, that's not right. You strike her a brutal blow to the head with the non laser emitting end, knocking her to the ground and likely dirtying her lovely pink frilly dress.
>>740
As she probably won't be getting up again any time soon, you decide you can afford to finish her off in style. You take Asses of Badassness in both hands, holding it over your head, and swing it down into your opponent's unguarded chest. She gazes up at you with what might be a quite heartwarming, puppy-dog expression, were it not for the vacant eye sockets. The blade descends, up to the hilt, into her with an anticlimactic thump. She stops moving, and blood slowly seeps out of the wound. There are a few seconds of merciful silence, then one last missive flutters down from above, reading:
Tell Alexei I love h
The handwriting is shaky, and ends as nothing more than a thin smudge of ink across the remainder of the paper.
For killing a sapient creature, you have gained one skill point and fifty mana. You currently have 130 mana.
>>741
Why should it be your job to play Cupid here? It's her fault if she never confessed to her - admittedly unresponsive - lover. What a sore loser, as far as romance is concerned, you think.
>>743
You spend 25 mana healing your left hand, leaving you 105 mana. It stops bleeding and begins to scab over, but is still fairly painful. Your hand is still usable, and thankfully doesn't seem to have suffered any nervous damage - had the sword struck your carpal tunnel things would be quite different.
>>742
You leisurely make your way into the burnt forest edge - it smells of fire, such a delightful smell - and take a blackened lump that was formerly a piece of tree. You wish it was still on fire; it was much prettier that way. You use the charcoal to draw little phalli on Jacqueline's and Mecha Alexei's cheeks. If they could not be united in love in this world, at least they can be united in facial defacement in the next.
You are in a nondescript clearing in the middle of a forest, with a burnt patch nearby and a path leading away. Continue-chan and Stove Stove are members of your party, and potentially Mecha Alexei Fujiwara, but he seems to be unconscious. As far as weaponry is concerned, there is nearby a laser gun, a ceremonial stone knife, Asses of Badassness and an espada ropera. Given that only two of you can wield weapons, you really don't need - nor can you carry - all of these.
Check if Alexei's mecha parts have a reset button or something.
Leave Asses of Badassness with Jacqueline's corpse. Give the laser gun back to Continue-chan. Strap the ceremonial stone knife somewhere in our clothing (first dropping a few forks to make room.) Take and equip the espada ropera.
Put skill point into Pyromancy.
If Mecha Alexei proves unrevivable, hide him in the forest under some bushes or something until we can find a way to revive him.
Regret nothing.
Place Jacqueline's corpse on Stove Stove and stab her heart with the ceremonial stone knife while singing something patriotic.
Let the Eagles cry.
>>745
Mecha Alexei's clockwork bits look, from the outside at least, indistinguishable from the genuine article. You can't find any buttons, switches or other mechanical input devices.
>>746
Safe from attack for now, you leave Asses of Badassness by poor Jacqueline's body, where it may lie as a testament to your bloodlust and cruelty. You return the laser gun to Continue-chan. Emptying one of your pockets of forks - leaving you six remaining - and tearing a hole in the bottom of it gives you a little strap in your skirt in which you can hang the stone knife. Lastly, you claim the espada ropera for your own. The tip is still stained with your blood. You find the weapon to be light and nimble, well suited to your size and strength.
You now have level four pyromancy. You have unlocked the following skill:
Small fireball (active skill): Can summon and cast a fireball, approximately 15cm in diameter. Requires one free hand. Costs 15 mana per fireball.
Mecha Alexei Fujiwara remains unresponsive, but you can't be sure if he's truly unrevivable. Surely, you feel, if you just knew how he came to be like this, there must be something you could do... Until that time, you decide to conceal him a few metres into the forest, on the opposite side to the burnt patch. You try your best to be free of remorse, but find that you still have some lingering guilt over murdering the lovely Continue-chan, amongst other things.
>>747
With Continue-chan's aid, you drag Jacqueline's inanimate body onto Stove Stove. You take the stone knife from its makeshift sheath and begin singing God Save the Queen, only to find that the corpse you were about to desecrate is being slowly absorbed by Stove Stove. It sinks away and vanishes before your very eyes.
>>748
Though you don't particularly feel inclined to cry yourself, the lachrymatory habits of large birds of prey are, you decide, entirely their own business.
Briefly consider killing Alexei while he's helpless, just to get the sweet sweet skillpoints and mana. Decide not to, in case he's still important later, but file the idea for future contemplation.
Apologize to Continue-chan for everything and ask her what she thinks should be done.
Kiss Continue-chan.
Slam Continue-chan with a spine-buster
>>750
You already killed, mutilated and reanimated Alexei back at >>606. You could render him inanimate by lowering his bodily integrity below 80%, but this would gain you neither skill points nor mana.
>>751
As the sun steadily rises over the burnt, bloodstained earth of your little clearing, you and Continue-chan sit in the grass and share a deep, heartfelt conversation wherein you privately right all your wrongs and forgive everything that needs to be forgiven. On discussion of what to do now, Continue-chan offers that there is still a lot the two of you don't know, such as who the armed guards are and why they fight you (and similarly for the tentacle monsters) - amongst other, more insidious matters, for instance neither of you knows who reanimated Continue-chan after you murdered her, or why.
Unfortunately, there is no very clear way of investigating these matters. Had you, perhaps, not killed Jacqueline, you might've been able to interrogate her - or even have a nice, civilised conversation over tea - but it's too late for that. At any rate, you aren't likely to accomplish much just staying where you are. Returning by daylight to the building you were in earlier may help, and you could even further investigate the tunnels beneath it.
>>752
You interrupt by leaning over and pressing your lips onto Continue-chan's. She does not resist. Her lips are cold and bloodless, but they respond gladly to your gentle probing. As you part, Continue-chan looks away and blushes.
>>753
You consider performing a wrestling move on your dear Continue-chan, but which? A lifting spine-buster? Thrust spine-buster? Spinning spine-buster? Or even a sitout spine-buster? Also, why?
Remember that the rule is "yes and" not "no" then reconsider the last command.
Yes and tell your mom to bring us more soda and cheetos!
Don't listen to them. Head back to the mysterious building.
Listen to your mom, she knows best.
Inquire as to how can Continue-chan blush if she's undead and lacks blood.
Zone out while whoever decides to respond responds about Continue-chan's blushing, and contemplate her bellybutton instead.
>>755
You aren't aware of any rules consisting only of the words "yes and"; that strikes you as a very poorly worded and easily misinterpreted rule, really. At any rate, upon reflection, performing a spine-buster on Continue-chan strikes you as an absolutely splendid idea, with no chance of any undesired outcomes.
You stand and hold Continue-chan about the waist, with her upper body over your shoulder. Just as she's about to say something, you sweep your own legs out from underneath yourself and land on your backside, whilst simultaneously slamming her down onto the ground, spine first. "Ow," she says, "Conundrum-chan, I hate you." She doesn't seem particularly serious.
>>756
You try to politely request some victuals from your mother, but she is nowhere to be found. Also, you don't know who she is.
>>757
Accompanied by Continue-chan and Stove Stove, you make your way down the same dirt path you came up last night. By daylight, you find that it's really quite scenic, adorned with banks of blue, bell-shaped flowers, and little bumblebees and small white butterflies. Finally, the three of you arrive at where the building used to be - only to find that it has been replaced with an enormous blast crater, at least a hundred metres in diameter. There is rubble and twisted sheets of metal strewn everywhere.
Standing in the middle of the crater, head tilted to one side quizzically, is a little girl in a frilly lilac dress. Upon seeing you, she rushes over and greets you enthusiastically. "Hello! Have you perchance seen a little girl in a pink dress recently? Or an undead cybernetically enhanced theoretical physicist? The two of them seem to have run away, you see," she expounds, "How bothersome!"
Without waiting for a response, she continues, "Well, if you happen to find either of them, be sure to let me know! Who knows, if you bring me them both alive, I might even stop sending armed soldiers to kill you and watching the ensuing battle for light entertainment. Anyway, adieu!" She flaps her hand at you, then runs off and disappears into a narrow rectangular opening in the side of the crater which you hadn't noticed earlier. It appears to be part of the system of tunnels you were in earlier.
>>758
Was that girl your mom? Probably not.
>>759,760
You spend a few moments contemplating Continue-chan's cardiovascular system. It's quite clear that her blood is no longer circulating - the wound on her chest has stopped bleeding, and she is displaying quite obvious pallor mortis. And yet her muscles and brain are evidently still operating, which would normally imply a supply of glucose and oxygenated blood. As she wasn't looking awfully lively when she was dead, you suspect this to be a result of the reanimation process, which may also go some way to explaining blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah. Blah blah blah blah - blah blah blah? - blah blah blah; blah blah blah blah blah. Is Continue-chan's bellybutton an innie or an outie, you wonder? Probably an innie. You bet it's a really cute little T-shaped one, as well.
Lick Continue-chan's belly button.
Yell after the purple girl that you can provide Alexei "alive", after a fasion.
Also observe that the vericode for this post was yiff and contemplate on what that could mean.
>>762
You attempt to lift Continue-chan's blouse to gain access to her navel, but she jumps away from your fervent advance - it appears she has learnt from your earlier attempt to bust her spine.
>>763
"I have Alexei alive! Sort of!" you exclaim, but she either is already out of earshot or doesn't care.
You've no idea what this word "yiff" could possibly mean, other than being an anagram of "iffy". Is it an acronym? Onomatopoeia? A nonce word? You might never know.
Give her another 3 spine busters for denying you access to her navel.
Give yourself a spine buster for good measure.
Give your spine buster a kiss.
Advance the plot.
Watch your favorite spinebuster video on youtube
Having become an expert spinebusterer, spinebuster the next guard we come across.
>>765
You shan't stand for such insolence! Rather than explain, rationally, that you only wanted to lick her navel (which is perfectly unobjectionable), you decide to embody the very fears she projected onto you, and attack her as you did before. Continue-chan proves substantially more skilled in unarmed combat than you, and blocks each of your attempts to throw her to the ground - not surprising considering you are only attempting one type of attack.
"Stop! Conundrum-chan, please, what are you doing?" she entreats. Finally, seeing that you aren't backing down, she runs away, straight into the forest. You soon lose track of her and thus are unable to give her any spine-busters.
>>766
You jump into the air and land, heavily, on your upper back. A piece of rubble finds itself just under your cervical vertebrae, and as your neck collides with it there is a sickening crack. You suddenly find that you cannot feel your legs. You try to move, but your hands won't respond. Your breath catches. You cannot breathe - your thoracic diaphragm is paralysed. You suffocate, slowly, unable to move anything but your eyes, and unable to see anything but the indifferent cloudscape above; soft, white cumuli, lit by the mid-morning sun.
GAME OVER
Deaths: 34
(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>764)
>>767
You attempt to kiss your own spine, which you have apparently just named "Buster". Alas, you aren't quite that flexible.
>>768
You advance forwards across the plot of land you find yourself on, eventually reaching the bottom of the crater. You find that there are two tunnels on opposite sides of the crater. The one on the left, which the girl in lilac went down, is entirely clear, but the one on the right appears blocked with rubble. On the opposite side of the crater is a dirt road leading downhill. There are several tyre tracks imprinted into the earth, showing recent usage. On all other sides, the crater is surrounded by uniform deciduous, old-growth forest.
>>769
You do not currently have a device capable of internet access.
>>770
You cannot see any guards, but make a mental note to spine-bust the next one you see, without any forethought, and in spite of any other factors or commands you may be under the effect of at the time.
Loudly sing as we make our way down the left tunnel.
Be Stove Stove. Look at your stats and skills.
Check navel is okay
Be Jack again and shoot a fireball down the hallway to light the way.
Check Buster is okay
If yes, be Buster.
>>772
You skip gleefully into the foreboding, claustrophobic, unlit passageway, all the while singing アヒルのワルツ to yourself. Continue-chan follows at a cautious distance.
>>773
You are now playing as Stove Stove. You find yourself, a sentient block of volcanic glass, hovering a few centimetres from the ground in a large blast crater in the middle of the forest. The two delightful young ladies you were with earlier have just entered a dark tunnel which, you are alarmed and dismayed to find, is substantially too narrow for you to fit into.
You currently have level five telekinesis and level one matrimony. You have 99,839 mana remaining. The following skills are currently available to you:
>>774
You look for your navel - but it is gone! Actually, you strongly suspect it was never there in the first place, what with you being literally a large, cubic lump of rock.
>>775
You are now playing as Jack Conundrum-chan. You cast small fireball (active skill) into the darkness, expending 15 mana to leave you 90 mana remaining. The little orb of flame speeds away before you, illuminating the way ahead. After a few tens of metres - it's hard to judge distances down here - its light momentarily reveals a small concrete room, with a ladder leading downwards (the same room you were in back at >>593).
It continues down the next tunnel, which, conveniently enough, follows on straight ahead, reaching another small room, striking the opposite wall and extinguishing a few seconds later. You think you catch sight of some dark shape in the far room, but it was probably just your imagination.
>>776
Your spine seems to be quite alright, as best you can tell without the aid of a vertebral specialist.
>>777
You are now playing as Jack Conundrum-chan's spine, also known as Buster. You find yourself entirely lacking in sensory organs or cognitive faculties, and thus your state of existence is, frankly, rather lacking. The only thing you feel is a continuum of nervous impulses running up and down yourself. It tickles.
Bust a move.
Be Stove Stove. Go on a journey of self-discovery.
Attempt to travel through left tunnel by using self as a drill.
Have no mouth but scream.
>>779
Try as you might, you cannot perform any dance pieces, largely due to you lacking any limbs, any control over your own movement, any capacity for cognition and any idea what dancing even is. You would be disappointed, but as you are just a spinal column, you lack the capacity even for that.
>>780
You are now playing as Stove Stove. After waiting a suitable length of time for the girls to return and tell you that they do love you after all, you decide to take the opportunity of being left behind by the two people you loved and trusted to attempt to overcome your crippling fear of abandonment. You eventually concede and levitate all the way back uphill to the clearing, as even the company of an unconscious undead augmented theoretical physicist would be more agreeable than your current crushing solitude.
He is gone. There is a patch of flattened grass visible where he was hidden, and footprints leading back towards the clearing, but you can't tell whether they're Alexei's, Continue-chan's or Conundrum-chan's - or someone else's.
As far as self-discovery is concerned, you have learned that you are not very good at dealing with emotional rejection (perceived or actual), and that you have some quite deep seated abandonment issues. Then again, you already knew that.
>>781
You make your way back to the crater and throw your weight against the tunnel entrance, rotating to break through the poured concrete, and, amidst the grinding noises, succeed in advancing a few centimetres. You find that it hurts rather a lot, and has in fact slightly chipped your beautiful, sharp edges. You stop and try to cry, but find that you have no tear ducts.
>>782
You try to scream, but find that you have no mouth. What horror! If only you had some popular culture reference you could fall back on in this situation to alleviate the torment.
punch yourself in the face
Assuage self and gain self confidence by remembering how good we are at blocking lasers and absorbing people. Contentedly lie down and wait for your female companions like a good Stove Stove.
Install a mod that replaced Conundrum-chan with The Incredible Hulk and Continue-Chan with Jafar from Aladdin
Be Buster. Send pleasure signals throughout the body.
>>784
Alas, you have six faces but not a single fist.
>>785
You try to better your self-image through reflection upon your past successes, without success. Perhaps, if you had the loving support of a cute little girl or two, you could scrape together some semblance of confidence, but such is not the case. You begin to panic. Before you know it, you've accidentally activated your internal self-destruct mechanism. You have exactly one hour before you explode.
>>786
You don't know of any mods that do that, nor do you know how you'd go about installing any such thing.
>>787
You are now playing as Buster. You find it odd to try to send pleasure signals throughout the body, considering the pleasure receptors are all localised in the brain - or, rather, you would find it odd, if you were capable of thought. You try to will the component neurons of the spinal cord you encompass to selectively transmit pleasurable sensations, but unfortunately you cannot, because you have no free will.
Be Jack. Go to the far room in search of the dark shape. Send Continue-chan to go calm down Stove Stove.
>>789
You are now playing as Jack Conundrum-chan. You ask Continue-chan to go back to check on Stove Stove, as you have a strangely prescient - though unfortunately slightly too late - thought that perhaps your favourite sentient stone cube might be unhappy on its own. Continue-chan acquiesces and patters away down the tunnel, back to the entrance.
Meanwhile, you forge ahead into the darkness. As you reach the first small room, you find that the dim lightbulb that lit this room previously is no longer in operation. You do, however, note that there is a ladder leading downwards, the base of which is lit by a strange red glow.
Ignoring this, you continue onwards into the unknown. You are guided only by your hands tracing along the passage walls. After perhaps a minute or two, you reach the far room, which is completely unlit. You hear a faint whooshing sound, then find that your precious Buster has been dislocated from its place at the bottom of your brainstem by a sharp, calculated blow. You collapse to the cold, hard ground, dead.
GAME OVER
Deaths: 35
(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>788)
>>790
You are now playing as Stove Stove. You find that you require level 12 telekinesis, level 5 healing, level 5 thaumaturgy and 75 mana to shapeshift.
Search for the nearest way to level up.
>>792
As everyone knows, the only way to increase one's level in a skill is to expend skill points, and the only way to gain skill points is murdering sapient creatures. Unfortunately, it seems you are the only sapient creature in the vicinity. For all you know, Conundrum-chan and everyone else might be dead and you might be the only sapient being left in the universe. And without anyone else to validate your existence, can your life really have any meaning? Why even bother levelling up in a world like that?
You search the crater and surrounding forest for signs of anyone, anything, to free you from your solipsist prison. Alas, there are no sapient beings kind enough to grace you with their presence.
Go somewhere useful to explode, like the control tower.
Be Jack. Do a dastardly deed.
Go back to the forest. See if you can fashion a workable torch out of the charred wood and other items on hand.
On the way, make sure to pick up Stove Stove before it/she/he blows up.
Make up a limerick about Duke Nukem and entertain Continue-chan with it.
Pretend we're in a swimming pool and play marco polo.