We seem to have lost contact with the Control Tower.[grinding noises] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6882 14:51

These are the files. I hope you have everything you need.

301 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7537 17:46

>>300
You fall face first onto the cavern floor. Some things happen, but you aren't paying attention. Eventually you die.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 9

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>297)

302 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7537 18:15

Huff the substance leaking from the pipe.

303 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7537 21:28

Switch to the control scheme from Dizzy 3.

304 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7538 11:49

Inspect noise.

305 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7538 19:21

Eat sandwich.

306 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7538 20:17

>>302
The aerosol stopped leaking from the pipe back at >>289.

>>303
You don't know how to do that.

>>304
You wander along the cavern towards the source of the noise, Continue close at your heels. It turns out to be further than you thought; you are walking for at least ten minutes along the gently winding rocky passage, featureless apart from the giant bright yellow pipe, before finally reaching an end to the cavern in the form of a wall of filled concrete. Built into the wall is a slightly ajar heavy set metal door. Assuming this must be where the noise came from, you enter.

You find yourself in a short, narrow corridor lit by fluorescent strip lighting. Continuing your search for the source of the noise, you exit the corridor through one of the doors, selected at random. You find yourself in a small room containing a desk, chair and computer terminal. The computer terminal reads:

WARNING:
COOLANT PRESSURE CRITICALLY LOW: SUSPECTED LEAKAGE
REROUTING FROM EMERGENCY RESERVOIR...
FAILED: SUSPECTED BLOCKAGE
WARNING:
PORTAL CORE STABILITY CRITICAL
DIMENSIONAL COLLAPSE IMMINENT
ENGAGING EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN PROCEDURES...
FAILED: MANUAL OVERRIDE IN OPERATION

The chair is knocked over. There are papers scattered across the desk, some of which have fallen to the floor. A cup of coffee has been knocked over, spilling coffee over many of the papers. A cursory glance reveals that they appear mostly to be full of quantum mechanical equations, along with many graphs and tables of data which you can't readily interpret.

One side of the room is taken up by a large window, overlooking another cavern, much larger than the one you were just in. In the geometric centre of the space, hovering several metres away from any of its surroundings, you see a floating image, like a mirage, of a beautiful meadow full of brightly coloured flowers, overlooked by small, fluffy cumuli. As you watch, the grass and flowers are ruffled by a brisk Spring breeze.

The cavern is laced with catwalks and metal scaffolding. The walls are interspersed with windows looking into rooms more or less identical to your own. In one room, high up on the opposite face, you see a man staring back at you. Your eyes meet, then he turns and leaves the room.

>>305
You are not in possession of any sandwiches.

307 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7538 22:54

Wring coffee from the papers back into the cup and drink it.

308 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7539 00:48

Attempt to access pornography from computer terminal.

309 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7539 06:28

Go to the computer and go to http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1341413503/

310 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7539 09:13

Take some papers to use as makeshift bandages. I assume we left the ruined briefcase back in the cavern, so stuff them into our pockets, I guess. (do we have pockets?)
Also search the desk for anything useful.

311 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7539 18:01

>>307
You manage to drain a small amount of dark brown liquid back into the cup; barely enough to coat the bottom. You swallow it all in one gulp. It tastes very odd; rather unlike coffee. It tastes faintly of almonds.

>>308
You open the browser and type in one of the usual URLs.

THIS WEBSITE IS BLOCKED IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR COMPANY'S 
INTERNET USAGE POLICY FOR THE FOLLOWING REASON:
PORNOGRAPHY
FOR MORE INFORMATION, AND IF YOU BELIEVE THIS WEBSITE TO HAVE 
BEEN BLOCKED INCORRECTLY, CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR.

>>309
You open this very thread.

>>310
You take some of the papers. You can now use the dress wound skill, if necessary. You are completely nude and have no receptacle to hold objects - the closest you have to pockets is an all consuming void lurking in your crotch - so you can only carry as much as you can hold in your hands. You are currently carrying a handgun loaded with one bullet in your right hand, and two bullets and five sheets of paper in your left hand.

In the desk drawer, you find an unsealed letter. It is addressed to:

>>835
Demanding from the next poster
The Elitist Superstructure of DQN
4-ch.net
http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1314324451/835

Inside is a piece of paper reading "I demand that >>837 write a short story from the point of view of a shrine maiden."

312 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 00:53

Insert obstinate terminal into mysterious crotch hole of doom.

313 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 05:43

Make the following post in this thread:
">>313
You obediently type out the post and hit reply, then suddenly notice a fresh set of clothes and shiny new briefcase on the desk. How convenient!"

314 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 07:31

>>313
You obediently type out the post and hit reply, then suddenly notice a fresh set of clothes and shiny new briefcase on the desk. How convenient!

315 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 15:06

>>312
You crouch on the desk, legs spread, and push the corner of the machine into your crotch. It seems to contort and fold itself as it falls into the void, as though turning in a spacial dimension not visible to you, and disappears without a trace. For good measure, you allow your crotch void to consume the keyboard, mouse, cables and all the other computer paraphernalia as well.

>>313
You cannot post in this thread without a computer with internet access.

316 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 16:10

Shoot the window in the vague direction where the man was.

317 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 16:33

Curse quietly.

318 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 17:48

>>316
You turn back to the window, and are startled to find that the floating image of the meadow has expanded to fill the entire space. It seems somehow more real and immediate than before - you can not only see the wind blowing through the flowers, but can also hear it. You can even feel the early Spring sunlight gracing your naked body. There's something subtly off about the whole scene, but you can't quite put your finger on it.

You aren't sure what direction the man was in, but you level the handgun towards the window and pull the trigger. The window pane shatters, in the wrong direction - the glass shards are propelled back towards you - and the meadow floods into the room and surrounds you. Everything goes white. Three words echo through your head, unbidden: "Dimensional collapse imminent"...

>>317
"God fucking damn it," you mutter to yourself inaudibly, as your consciousness fades away from you yet again.

You awaken to find yourself lying on your back, staring up at the sky. A young girl, perhaps around twelve years old, is looking down at you. She is wearing a black pleated skirt, white blouse, dark blue cardigan, blue neckerchief and black knee-high socks. Her hair is held up in two places with little white ribbons. Her face is rife with concern, which appears assuaged at least a little by your return to consciousness.

"N-Nameless Protagonist-chan, are you okay?" she enquires, helping you to your feet. Looking down, you find that you are dressed in an identical uniform to her. You look vacantly at her. "Protagonist-chan? It's me, your osananajimi, Continue-chan!" she explains. "We have to hurry, or we'll be late to our first day at Grinding Noises Gakuen!" She casts a dramatic glance across the flower-laden meadow, eyes sparkling, and says excitedly, "Ara ara, from today onwards we'll be chuugakusei! I'm feeling so dokidoki!"

319 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 18:21

Lift skirt and inspect crotch (out of the corner of our eye) to see if the crotch void is there. And don't point it at Continue-chan.

320 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 19:43

>>319
You turn away from Continue-chan and cautiously lift your skirt. Like any self-respecting joshigakusei, you are, of course, wearing pantsu. Specifically, you are wearing cute white pantsu with tasteful frills and a little white bow at the top. Still, you need to know what lies in the untold depths of your crotch. Shamelessly, you peel your pantsu down your thighs, looking out of the corner of your eyes at what lies beneath.

Continue-chan seems horrified by your unmaidenly conduct. "P-P-Protagonist-chan, why are you doing such hentai things? W-we have t--" she is interrupted by a computer cable launching itself at high velocity from between your legs, and landing in the field a few metres away. This is swiftly followed by more cables, a mouse, keyboard, a computer chassis, a monitor, a handgun and a severed foot.

321 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 22:08

Ponder if Jack-onii-chan could repair the computer, but since he is probably not here, try to figure it out myself.

322 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7541 06:08

Give panties to Continue-chan for safe keeping.

323 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7542 21:42

>>321
You don't know anyone called Jack, and you certainly don't know of any Onii-chan you may have. You're no expert on computer repair, but you're fairly certain they need to be plugged in to work.

>>322
You slip off your frilly white pantsu and hand them to Continue-chan. She blushes profusely, and appears to misinterpret the gesture. "P-Protagonist-chan," she whispers, voice failing her, "W-we can't, it's dame! My kokoro isn't ready!" She seems more bothered by this than by the paraphernalia that just spontaneously ejected itself from your nether regions.

324 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7542 23:19

I found Jack.

325 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 03:14

Blush profusely and shout "gomenasai!" Then throw your panties into the air and run off dramatically in tears.

326 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 10:10

Curse quietly.

327 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 13:35

Applaud and shout "congratulations!"

328 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 16:14

Gleefully stroke chin.

329 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 17:56

Gleefully make a din.

330 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 22:12

Add too many commands to the command queue

331 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 22:49

>>324
You swear you've never seen this man in your life.

>>325
Aware of your faux pas but too young and immature to take responsibility for your miscommunication, you run away, casting tears and underwear about with wild abandon, whilst mispronouncing "Gomen nasai". Of course, as you are in the middle of a field, there isn't really anywhere to run away to.

>>326
"Kuso," you mutter under your breath.

>>327
You turn back to face Continue-chan. She is staring at you helplessly, her visage awash with tears, despair and betrayal. "Omedetou gozaimasu!" you shout to her, clapping energetically. Continue-chan sobs piteously.

>>328
You smile to yourself with glee and stroke your chin like an elderly philosopher preparing to pontificate on some esoteric topic.

Continue-chan abruptly stops crying and looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible! "Ufufufufu! If you're going to toy with my kokoro like that," she giggles, "I think I'll toy with you a little myself!" She stalks towards you meaningfully. You try to back away, but trip over a severed foot that happens to be lying in the grass. You cannot get up as Continue-chan is already standing over you, casting a menacing silhouette against the bright blue sky. In one fluid motion, she reaches back and takes something gleaming and metallic from the back of her skirt - a knife!

She raises the blade above her head, and swings it down violently into your mune, again and again, laughing maniacally as flecks of your blood spray over her seifuku.

>>329
You certainly make quite a din, begging for mercy and screaming with pain, but the glee is all Continue's.

>>330
You cannot add commands to the command queue; you're too busy being stabbed to death.

As your consciousness fades away like the blood seeping into the dirt beneath you, the last thing you see is Continue-chan's blood-speckled face, smiling affectionately at you. Then you die.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 10

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>320)

332 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 23:02

Inspect severed foot

333 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7544 01:47

Resolve the Jack Conundrum by taking on the name for yourself in lieu of Nameless Protagonist.

334 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7544 13:40

Retrieve handgun.

335 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7544 21:52

>>332
It's fairly large - probably an adult's - and appears to have been severed a fair while after death. There is no sign of blood in or on it, and pallor mortis has set in. The severance, above the ankle, is fairly clean, and appears to have been done with a sharp implement.

>>333
Your name is now Jack Conundrum-chan.

>>334
You search through the grass, and before long locate the handgun. These are, of course, illegal here in Nippon, so you've never seen one in real life and have no idea how to use it. Continue-chan appears quite distressed by the object. "Conundrum-chan, put that down! It's abunai! Now hurry up, or we'll be late for jugyou!"

336 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7544 21:54

Hide gun somewhere on my person (preferably without Continue noticing) and follow Continue.

337 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7545 07:56

Hide Continue somewhere on my person (preferably without the gun noticing) and follow the computer.

338 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7545 12:14

kick foot

339 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7545 23:01

>>336
There's nowhere on your person that you can convincingly hide a large, bulky object like this. Your skirt contains two small, dainty pockets, but they're more suited to hiding okashi or the occasional love letter than dangerous weapons. You try to hide it in your sock, unsuccessfully. You could try to hide it in your pantsu, were it not for the all consuming void in your crotch. You have to settle for holding it in your hand.

You don't insult Continue-chan's intelligence by pretending that there's any possibility she hasn't seen you fumbling around with a handgun, trying to hide it in your clothes, right in front of her.

You follow your osananajimi towards your new chuugakkou. You pass by many scenic rural scenes of fields full of rice seedlings set against tall, green mountains, stone stairs and red torii hinting at the presence of enigmatic and unseen jinja, and, finally, an avenue of blooming sakura trees leading to the building itself.

>>337
You grab Continue-chan around the waist and attempt to pick her up and slip her in your pocket. You fail even to lift her from the ground - instead, your hands slide up her young, nubile body and end up cupping her soft, yet satisfyingly firm, breasts. "Kyaa~!" she exclaims, body stiffening with unexpected and unknown pleasure. You decide that you can't hide her anywhere on your person, and let go of her. You're fairly certain the gun hasn't noticed. Though you can't guarantee it hasn't been moved, you think it safe to assume the computer is still in a field several hundred metres back, making it rather futile to follow.

>>338
Just as the two of you are about to enter the school gates, Continue-chan stands for a moment, looking up at the chuugakkou building where the two of you are to spend the next three years coming of age, going through puberty and suchlike. She takes a deep breath, readying her maidenly body and soul to take this momentous step in her life. You decide this is the perfect time to kick her in the foot from behind.

She goes sprawling onto the floor with a cry of surprise, scraping her knee and ripping one of her socks. Her striped pantsu flash from under her skirt. All the nearby gakusei stare at her, heightening her embarrassment to an unbearably painful degree. With a great effort, she picks herself up from the pavement, desperately fighting back the tears welling in her eyes. Silently, she looks into your face - seeking some reason, some trace of humanity - then down at the gun in your hand, finally appearing to resign herself to inaction. She walks solemnly towards the building, hanging her head.

Continue-chan may be too timid to admonish you, but that doesn't mean the narrator isn't going to. You monster.

You get a lot of strange looks due to the handgun you're carrying, but nobody does anything about it, likely assuming it isn't real. Finally, you get to the kyoushitsu for your first jugyou. The Sensei walks in - a fairly short man with unkempt black hair. He is wearing a grey suit. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can't quite place him. "Ohayou gozaimasu, mina-san," he begins, "Today's jugyou will be about dimensional collapse..."

340 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7546 01:23

Listen quietly and intently like a good little girl.

341 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7546 02:42

Fart, but quietly like a good little girl.

342 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7546 16:33

Point your gun at nobody in particular and proclaim, "Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"

343 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7546 21:40

>>340
You sit upright and listen to Sensei's lecturing. He has an indecisive, meandering manner of speaking, along with a tendency to go off on obscure tangents and an evident fondness of intricate diagrams that attempt to show several things at once. Nonetheless, you manage to keep up well, and learn all about the metastable nature of the third spatial dimension, which may collapse at any moment in a false vacuum-like event to leave a world which is, though technically two dimensional, in possession of nested fractal dimensions so as to appear three dimensional. You also learn, in passing, all about the applications to string theory, number theory, exotic animal husbandry and the novel Anna Karenina, amongst other things.

>>341
Try as you might, nothing will come out, quietly or otherwise. Indeed, you're fairly certain that youjo are physiologically incapable of farting or pooping.

>>342
You stand up, brandish the gun, and make a vague but assertive threat to nobody in particular. Sensei turns around from the blackboard, eyes wide and jaw hanging open. "I-it's you! Oh dear god!" he cries in horror, before diving out of the kyoushitsu and sprinting away down the corridor.

344 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7546 21:49

Follow sensei, but remember the rule of pointing guns: do not aim at anything you are not prepared to shoot.

345 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 00:36

Loudly sing 僕らはみんな生きている* while skipping after *sensei.

346 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 01:48

Assess whether or not I possess an anus in light of my failed attempt at farting earlier.

347 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 15:49

Don't shoot.

348 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 16:17

Assert my Americaness while pursuing sensei. Also remember that, since I'm American, I have legally owned and used over a thousand guns, making me quite proficient at brandishing guns and being 100% American.

349 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 17:51

>>344
You follow sensei at a brisk pace. You turn the gun around to make sure you don't shoot anyone.

>345

You begin to loudly sing and skip. The enormous amount of effort for you to learn Japanese as you sing while skipping causes you to trip. The gun goes off lodging a bullet into your heart. You are dead.

>>346
You cannot assess in death.

>>347
You won't be shooting anymore.

>>348
You are buried in an American made casket draped in a flag. 21 rifles are shot and eagles released at your funeral. After the funeral a barbecue is held in your honor.

350 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 18:10

Enter resurrect code

351 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 18:37

>>350
You are resurrected. Unfortunately you are in a flag draped casket under 6 feet of earth.

352 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 20:07

start digging.

353 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 21:50

>>352
Many centuries later, a casket is found by archaeologists containing a man's skeleton, with evidence of frantic scratching from the inside. This evidence of vivisepulture leads to much argument in the contemporary archaeologist community, as the consensus is that early twentieth century medical science should have been more than sufficient to confirm death before burial. This is confused still further by a bullet that appears to have pierced the heart, which should have been enough to kill any human. Some claim that the corpse is wrongly dated, and in fact from far earlier; others claim it to be Mafia work, while still others claim it to be an elaborate prank. A number of books are written about your corpse, and you even have the honour of being implicated in several government conspiracy theories.

At any rate, you are most decidedly dead. Again.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 12

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>343)

You chase after Sensei with all your might. His flimsy theoretical physicist body cannot keep up with your genki youthfulness, and you soon corner him at the top of a stairwell. Like the sensible little youjo you are, you keep your gun pointed diametrically away from either yourself or your quarry.

"P-please," he gasps, desperately out of breath, "I'll do anything, j-just don't... don't... that thing..."

He keeps glancing over your shoulder, as though expecting something unspeakably ghastly to appear behind you at any moment. By contrast, he appears entirely unfazed by your sidearm.

354 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 22:24

"Get me a fucking sandwich!"

355 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 22:30

Shame Sensei for talking about his "thing".

356 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7547 23:51

Call for Continue-chan.

357 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7548 00:58

Shoot blindly over the shoulder. Twice.

358 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7548 14:08

"Now give me some answers, or I'll give you the crotch!" Gesture menacingly toward our crotch area.

359 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7548 21:59

>>354
"Y-yes, right away, mistress." he mumbles, scurrying away towards the cafeteria. You follow close behind, watching closely for any signs of insubordination. Five minutes later you are sitting in the otherwise deserted cafeteria hall (hiruyasumi isn't for another half hour) accompanied only by Sensei and a cheese sandwich. Sensei looks to have calmed somewhat, but he is clearly still on edge.

>>355
You're not sure what this "thing" is that Sensei mentioned before, but you're convinced it must be something shameful. You attempt to convince Sensei of his guilt, but he insists that he doesn't want to talk about "it".

>>356
Sensei flinches as you call for your companion. She sheepishly pokes her head around the door, clearly having been following you loyally this whole time, but unable to muster the nerve to show herself. She comes and sits next to you, a nervous smile on her face.

>>357
You suddenly brandish the gun, point it over your shoulder and pull the trigger twice. Sensei and Contiue-chan both yelp in surprise, and Sensei attempts to adopt the brace position. Nonetheless, the gun does not actually fire, and instead just makes clicking noises. You aren't sure why.

>>358
You stand up from the table and threaten Sensei with your pelvic region. You even flash your pantsu at him to show him you mean business. He appears simultaneously terrified, mystified and deeply unnerved. He simply sits staring at your crotch, jaw quivering, unable to form words.

360 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7548 22:05

insert sandwich into crotch orifice of doom

361 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 05:34

Ask sensei why we lost contact with the control tower.

362 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 09:48

Put my handgun on the table and look around for any loot.

363 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 19:18

Apologise to Continue-chan for earlier

364 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 23:52

>>360
Clearly, Sensei has not grasped the gravity of the situation, you conclude. You must demonstrate the terrible power you wield. A stony look on your face, you grab the cheese sandwich, drop your pantsu, spread your legs and slip it into your crotch. It disappears without a trace. Sensei is mesmerised by the sight, eyes vacant, mind clearly blank. In a trance, he reaches across the table, hand stretching towards your special place. "H-hentai!" you scream reflexively, flipping your skirt back into place and pulling your pantsu back up. Sensei regains his faculties once he loses eye contact with the void, and seems surprised to find himself sprawled across the table as he is. He sits back down, shakes his head, opens his mouth as though about to say something, then thinks better of it and simply looks at you bewilderedly.

>>361
Sensei gives an abrupt, high pitched nervous laugh. "The Control Tower? You really think they're going to help us now?" He buries his head in his hands. "This is far beyond the Control Tower, you know. Nobody higher up's going to put an end to this catastrophe. It's all up to us."

>>362
You decide that this conversation is far too serious and depressing for your maidenly kokoro. You cast the heavy, useless lump of metal you've been carrying around onto the table and set off in search of shiny trinkets and takaramono. Alas, a thorough search of the cafeteria yields only a paperclip and half a biscuit.

>>363
"Continue-chan, I'm really sorry about before; please forgive me. I didn't mean it. I don't know what came over me. W-we're still tomodachi, aren't we?" you implore, voice quivering with contrition. "O-of course!" she replies at once, and rushes over towards you to hug you dramatically.

Unfortunately, she doesn't have the chance, as at that moment Sensei grabs her about the waist and backs away, holding the handgun (which you foolishly left within his reach) against her head. "Don't move! I'll shoot!" he threatens. His hand is shaking slightly. Continue-chan struggles against his grip, but to no avail. In the absolute silence of the empty cafeteria, you hear a gentle click as Sensei releases the safety on the handgun. "Now," he says, "You listen to me for a change. First of all, where the hell is that... that thing? That tentacled abomination, where is it?"

365 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 00:08

Consume biscuit.

366 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 00:16

Dub the adventure, 4kids style, for added hilarity and obfuscation.

367 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 00:45

Say that I don't know anything about any tentacled thing, but that it sounds extremely hentai and not like something a Sensei should be talking to his student about.

368 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 03:11

Ask sensei where the mecha suits are.

369 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 10:07

Make your best RoboCop impression and say, "This is the police. Drop all your weapon."

370 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 22:32

>>365
Without a word, you take the half-biscuit, slowly lift it to your mouth, take a bite, chew and swallow. You maintain eye contact with Sensei throughout. You take another bite, chew and swallow. The tension is unbearable. You put the remainder of the biscuit in your mouth, chew it and, finally, swallow. Sensei and Continue-chan stare at you, equal parts incredulous and expectant.

>>366
Hilarious and obfuscatory as that would no doubt be, you suspect that you'd find it rather difficult to dub other people's speech without knowing what they're going to say first, and especially difficult to dub your own speech whilst you're saying it.

>>367
At long last, you acknowledge Sensei's threat. You feign complete ignorance on the topic of tentacular entities, and try to divert attention towards the inappropriate nature of the topic itself. Sensei is not fooled. "Bullshit!" he interjects, "I saw you standing right next to the accursed thing! You can't possibly not have seen it. Now tell me, where is it?"

>>368
Undeterred, you continue your campaign of distraction. Sensei does not take the bait. He grips Continue-chan tighter, lifting her clean off the ground, and presses the barrel of the handgun into her temple. "T-tasukete, Conundrum-chan!" she pleads, namida streaming down her little face in rivulets.

>>369
You aren't sure who this Robokoppu is, but you attempt to impersonate him nonetheless. "This is the keisatsu." you say in a steely voice, "Otose all your kyouki." Sensei actually appears somewhat taken aback by the threat, and tries to negotiate with you. "Look, okay, forget about the tentacle thing. Do you know of any way back to the facility? Or at least to contact them? Anything? Come on, we can work together here."

You suddenly remember that you have at most five minutes before hiruyasumi starts, at which point the cafeteria will be flooded with gakusei. It may be wise to try to resolve the hostage situation before that, or it might escalate out of your hands.

371 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 00:09

Tell Sensei about the computer you left back in the field.

372 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 00:41

Say "the last time I saw the tentacled thing it was doing battle with ao oni. As far as I know they're both dead now."

373 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 00:42

"Now put the gun down and let's go find that computer!"

374 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 17:11

Now that we have reconciled, ask Sensei if he has seen Jack

375 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 20:09

And ask for another sandwich, this time for eating.

376 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 21:59

>>371
You tell Sensei about how you woke up in the middle of a meadow, and about the odd things that came from between your thighs. He listens patiently, asking only a few questions. He seems particularly interested in the severed foot.

>>372
In order to further mollify Sensei, you make up something about the tentacle thing being dead. "Who's Ao Oni?" he asks, then says offhandedly "Well whatever, so long as it's dead. That's a relief."

>>373
At that moment, the bell signalling the start of hiruyasumi rings, and Sensei agrees to release poor Continue-chan on the condition that the three of you set off immediately for the field. Which, indeed, you do. Continue-chan is very glad to be free, and insists upon holding your hand all the way there.

>>374
As you are walking, you try to bring up some light conversation, but can't think of any good questions. You decide to just blurt out whatever stupid question comes to mind first, which, predictably enough, doesn't really lead to much of a conversation. "Isn't that your name?" he asks, "Jack Conundrum-chan, wasn't it? Or do you mean another Jack?"

>>375
Instead of seeing this dead end of a dialogue through to the bitter end, you try a new question. "Can I have another sandwich, onegai?" Sensei replies, not altogether unreasonably, that he's already given you one and if you really wanted to eat one you shouldn't have wasted the previous one. Not to mention, he's still the one with the deadly weapon, not you.

Before you have a chance to make any even stupider queries, you arrive at the meadow. In the middle of the field, standing in front of the discarded computer, is a large tentacled creature. Its body is a dark brown, almost black colour, and is roughly two metres tall. Its upper body contains a large, toothy aperture which undulates rhythmically, as though undergoing peristalsis. From its body radiate countless thick, barbed tentacles. As you watch, it uses one of them to pick up the severed foot, probes it gently and then throws it into the orifice at the top of its body and swallows it whole. It doesn't appear to have noticed the three of you yet.

377 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 22:18

Ask sensei to explain Okun's law

378 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 22:19

Tease the horrifying tentacle beast because that would probably be hilariously deadly.

379 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7552 15:32

Squeal in joy about how kawaii your new friend is.

380 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7552 15:49

Orient my central chakra towards Jupiter and cast lvl 10 general protection. Rearrange my party so that sensei takes the lead, as he wields the strongest weapon. Set continue-chan on defense mode and end my turn.

381 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7552 22:26

>>377
Sensei, who has not yet noticed the giant tentacled creature, responds with a derogatory snort. "Law indeed! Really, it's little more than a rule of th-- Argh! Aaaargh! Oh dear god, no!" Sensei, having seen something he didn't want to, collapses onto the floor in the foetal position, quivering and murmuring to himself. He appears to be too overwhelmed by fear and zetsubou to help you much now.

>>378
You start walking into the field, preparing to taunt the thing, but you barely make it two steps before Continue-chan (who appears by now to be expecting your bizarre and nonsensical behaviour) tackles you to the ground and berates you for your reckless and potentially disastrous conduct. "Dame! That's dame, Conundrum-chan! Zettai dame!"

>>379
You're not sure Sensei really counts as a friend yet, and although he's certainly atama ga ii and rather kakkoii, he isn't particularly kawaii to the casual observer. You give a light squeal anyway, just for good measure.

>>380
You don't know where Jupiter is relative to your current position, so you just lie on the ground and point your solar plexus at the sky. You require level three thaumaturgy, level one healing and 50 mana to use the general protection ability. You currently have level zero thaumaturgy, level four healing, 65 mana and one unallocated skill point.

You can't convince Sensei to move to the front of your party, so instead you and Continue-chan stand behind him. You tell Continue-chan to only fight if she's attacked first. She looks rather troubled by this instruction, but finally nods in assent.

You end Jack Conundrum-chan's turn. You are now playing as Masturbation Continue-chan.

382 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 01:37

List available skills and have confusing thoughts about Jack-chan.

383 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 01:49

Throw Jack into an infinitely deep hole

384 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 02:23

Be Gamzee.

385 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 04:10

The the gram gibzie

386 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 04:11

Be gramsi at Sensei

387 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 21:51

>>382
Available skills are telekinesis, healing, necromancy, thaumaturgy, pyromancy, enchantment and matrimony. Some skills have not yet been unlocked.

You reflect upon how you feel about Conundrum-chan. She's always been a good tomodachi to you, and the two of you are, needless to say, very close. Her silly antics never fail to cheer you up, but at the same time, her bizarre and unpredictable behaviour worries you quite a bit. It's normal to be concerned for the welfare of one's osananajimi, isn't it? And yet, that dokidoki feeling in your mune seems to indicate some deeper emotion, one you're too young to fully understand or accept, surely...

>>383
Unfortunately, the only infinitely deep hole you know of lies in Conundrum-chan's crotch. You aren't really sure how you'd go about throwing her into herself.

>>384
You cannot be Gamzee; you can only play as members of your current party.

>>385
Unfortunately, the Gram Gibzie doesn't, never has, and never will exist.

>>386
You cannot be Antonio Gramsci; you can only play as members of your current party.

The tentacled thing in the field wanders around on an aimless, meandering trajectory. It is slowly getting closer to your current position. It doesn't seem to have seen you yet, but if you don't move it might well do.

388 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 22:37

Put salt in Jack's eyes

389 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7553 23:03

death metal plays in the background

390 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7554 00:56

Transform into horrorterror form so you can fight the tentacled thing fair and square.

391 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7554 08:05

Propose to the tentacled thing.

392 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7554 08:06

>>391
Ask to borrow sensei's ring for this purpose.

393 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7554 08:08

Before >>390 and >>391, ask the tentacles thing if it could just fuck off in an attempt to avoid anything physical.

394 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7554 20:45

>>388
That would be a hidoi thing to do! Even the thought of doing something like that to the person you love makes you squirm in discomfort. Oh my, did you really say "love"? Golly gosh, is this how you truly feel about Conundrum-chan? You are so swept up in the ensuing emotional gravity wave that you forget you ever had an urge to put anything in anyone's eyes.

>>389
The tentacled thing stops abruptly and makes a painfully high pitched screeching noise. You aren't sure why or how, but it seems vaguely reminiscent of the sound of an electric guitar, only heavily distorted. It begins to violently beat its tentacles against its lower body at a very fast tempo. Though one would expect a solid sound, it instead sounds as though the body is hollow, like a bass drum. From behind you, Sensei sits bolt upright and begins to speak in an impossibly deep, throaty voice. "We're all gonna die!" he expounds. The drumming and screeching intensifies.

This is all very kowai to you. You instinctively grip Conundrum-chan's arm in fear. She also appears scared.

>>393
You have a very odd feeling, as though continuity was just violated (continuity, not Continue!), and, at that very moment, are filled with a strange sense of calm confidence. You stride purposefully into the meadow. The tentacle thing turns to face you, a seething mass of teeth, wiry appendages and hatred. It stops screeching and drumming for a moment to listen to what you have to say. "Konnichiwa, tentacle monster-san," you begin, "If it's okay with you, could you please fuck off?"

The tentacled beast is not amused. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" it replies, plucking you off the ground like a little flower.

>>390
You require level 12 telekinesis, level 5 healing, level 5 thaumaturgy and 75 mana to shapeshift.

>>391,392
You call to Sensei and ask him for a ring, but there is no response. "T-Tentacle monster-san," you say, "Will you m-ma--" You are interrupted by a plethora of tentacles, which proceed to - oh god, I can't watch - the horror! The horror! - oh, how abhorrent! Mercifully, you pass out from pain fairly quickly. The thing continues to play with your body for a while, then gets bored and eats you.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 13

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>387)

As you are standing at the edge of the field, gazing silently at the tentacled creature and at a loss as to what to do, you happen to turn around to see Sensei. He is gripping the handgun, and pointing it at the thing. His hands are shaking violently. If he shoots, it will likely attract the attention of the thing, and you have reason to suspect that it isn't friendly.

395 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7554 21:18

Put salt in your eyes

396 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7554 21:29

Be Sensei.

397 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7555 02:29

Grab Conundrum-chan's hand and make a run for it while Sensei distracts the thing.

398 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7555 15:43

Put salt in sensei's eyes before letting him bait the thing, just in case.

399 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 00:06

>>395
You cannot find any salt, nor for that matter can you find any reason to put salt in your eyes.

>>396
You are now playing as Dr Alexei Fujiwara (otherwise known as Sensei).

>>397
As you see the thing approaching, you stand up and give yourself a brisk shake. You can't stay here, not with that thing so close. Before you can make a run for it, however, you must ensure the safety of your accompanying nymphets, and somehow discourage that nightmarish beast from following you. A daring and heroic keikaku coalesces in the back of your mind. You tug at Conundrum-chan's hand - as Continue-chan is holding her other hand, both are pulled along - and the three of you begin to run away. Simultaneously, you throw the handgun as hard as you can into the field in the opposite direction. Hopefully, the thing will choose to investigate the weapon where it lands rather than follow you, in which case you won't need a weapon anyway. In all honesty, you were rather nervous about being in possession of such a dangerous item in the first place, and doubt you'd've had the nerve to use it.

Unfortunately, the tentacled thing proves better at reverse plotting aerial trajectories than you anticipated, and immediately gives chase, with a bloodthirty screech that exponentially rises in intonation. It displays remarkable agility and speed, dragging itself forward with its fore tentacles, moving about as fast as you can sprint.

You are running parallel to a hedgerow which marks the boundary of the meadow. A few metres ahead is a small wooded area, followed by a downhill slope leading to a road. On the other side of the road are the back gardens of some semi-detached houses. The tentacled thing is close at your heels, and, given your state of fitness, you won't be able to keep up your current pace for long.

>>398
You're in a field! There's no salt here - none! None at all! Even if there were, you wouldn't rub it in your eyes, nor anyone else's!

400 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 00:29

Find salt and put it in your eyes. Then Jack's eyes for good measure

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