We seem to have lost contact with the Control Tower.[grinding noises] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6882 14:51

These are the files. I hope you have everything you need.

401 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 02:49

run along the road and jump in front of the first vehicle we see!

402 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 04:54

check inventory/skills

403 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 15:19

Stay salty.

404 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 17:37

Lecture tentacled horror on Gandhi's theories of passive resistance.

405 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 21:47

Lecture tentacled horror on Ohm's theories of passive resistance.

406 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7556 22:40

Lecture tentacled horror on Danny's theories of salt in your eyes.

407 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 00:23

>>400
Mid-sprint, you spy something small, blue and cylindrical sticking out from the hedgerow, and grab it hoping that it might aid your escape. It reveals itself to be a container of "Reduced Sodium Salt". Ah, what a miracle! Manna from the gods! (Though surely, you think to yourself, it's oxidised sodium, not reduced). Yes, you know exactly what to do with this. Your eyes have gone saltless for far too long. You pour a little of that miraculous white powder into the palm of your hand, and, with a flick of the wrist, soon feel that sweet stinging release as the crystals abrase your corneas. Your vision blurs with tears and you blink by reflex. Some salt gets caught under your eyelids, causing unbearable itching and pain. You can barely see any more.

"Here, Conundrum-chan!" you shout, tentacle beast still mere metres from your precious orifices, "Rub this in your eyes!" You throw her the container. She does as instructed, and is soon in as much pain and tears as you are.

>>401
You run towards the road, or at least where you think the road is, but end up running head first into a tree. You fall flat on your back. Foolishly, Continue-chan and Conundrum-chan stop where you do. "Are you daijoubu?" asks Continue-chan, having seemingly forgotten why the three of you were running in the first place. She is soon reminded, as are you and Conundrum-chan, as the thing picks you all up and has its wicked way with you all. After experiencing a lifetime's worth of pain and humiliation, your entire party is killed and eaten.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 14

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>399)

>>402
Your inventory is empty, barring what you are currently wearing: a plain black dress shirt, black trousers, grey underwear, odd socks (one brown with an argyle pattern, the other white with red patches on the heel and toe), black shoes and a small, functional wristwatch on your left wrist. You currently have level one healing, level one matrimony and level three theoretical physics. The following skills are available to you:

  • Proposal (active skill): propose marriage to another entity. Both you and the other entity must be eligible for marriage. Requires engagement ring.
  • Basic healing (passive skill): body slowly regenerates from damage. Not a magic spell; your body just naturally does that.
  • Basic physics calculation (active skill): solve simple physics problems in your head. Also able to quote some formulae from memory.
  • Advanced physics calculation (active skill): solve more involved physics problems. Requires writing utensil and writing medium.
  • Magic physics calculation (active skill): solve otherwise unsolvable problems, such as nonlinear differential equations, by expending mana. Requires 15 mana per problem.

>>403
Thankfully, your body is already quite adept at maintaining correct electrolytic balance. You haven't been sweating or urinating heavily, so you're probably salty enough already.

408 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 00:24

>>404
You turn around and begin to tell the tentacled horror about the principles and history of nonviolent action. The thing interrupts and presents the counterargument that this approach fails to work when you are in life-or-death situations. It expresses this not in words, but in actions, by picking you up and committing various unspeakable acts of depravity upon you and your party, then eating you all.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 15

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>399)

>>405
You turn around and begin to tell the tentacled horror about the so-called Ohm's law, which, of course, is hardly a law, as it fails to encompass many electricity related phenomena such as electrical breakdown. The thing interrupts and tells you that it believed Ohm's law to be more or less infallible, and how upset it is to have been lied to thus. It expresses this not in words, but in actions, by picking you up and committing various unspeakable acts of depravity upon you and your party, then eating you all.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 16

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>399)

>>406
You turn around and begin to tell the tentacled horror about how and why people put salt in their eyes. The thing interrupts and tells you how upset it is that it has no eyes, and thus can't experience rubbing salt in them. It expresses this not in words, but in actions, by picking you up and committing various unspeakable acts of depravity upon you and your party, then eating you all.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 17

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>399)

409 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 00:31

Eat tentacle monster.

410 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 00:56

Salt the tentacle monster as you start eating

411 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 02:29

Grab Jack, pull down her panties and point her crotch at the tentacled thing.

412 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 02:38

Be the tentacled horror.

413 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 04:56

Pour salt on the tentacled horror in hopes that it will get homesick and go back to the salty ocean

414 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 22:01

>>409
You try, and fail, to eat the tentacle creature, due in no small part to a general unfamiliarity with trying to eat living creatures, especially those larger than you.

>>410
Even pouring salt on it doesn't help. The thing, seeing your difficulty, aids you by giving a demonstration of how to eat living beings - even including a little pre-dinner entertainment - by picking you up and committing various unspeakable acts of depravity upon you and your party, then eating you all.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 18

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>399)

>>411
In a fit of desperation, you commit the most ungentlemanly act of your life, and, ignoring poor Conundrum-chan's screams and protestations, you displace her frilly pantsu, flip her skirt up and point her lower body at the fast approaching wall of tentacles. The innumerable sadistic, groping appendages wash over the two of you like a breaking wave in a storm, then - unbelievably - begin to withdraw! The horrifying mass is sucked into Conundrum-chan's crotch like evil, murderous tagliatelle. Conundrum-chan screams in horror. Continue-chan screams. You scream. The tentacle monster screams.

Then, a strange calm descends upon the scene. The creature is no more. You fall to the ground, breathing heavily and overwhelmed with relief. Conundrum-chan gives a startled yelp and pulls her pantsu back up.

>>412
Having just become responsible for the death of a sentient being, you spend a few moments reflecting on mankind's place in the world at large. You contemplate the so-called Holocene extinction; the vast amount of death wrought by mankind, starting 12,000 years ago. As humans spread their taint to each continent in succession, so each continent lost its megafauna - woolly mammoths, elephant birds, countless species of simian and felid - and thus lost any natural equilibrium and a substantial amount of biodiversity forever. Yes, you think to yourself, humanity is the true monster. We are all the tentacled horror.

>>413
You feel a sudden urge to pour salt on the tentacle monster but, of course, it is gone. Perhaps it was the last of its kind. Perhaps you are now responsible for its extinction. You pour a little out on the ground by way of a libation, as a single tear traces a line down your cheek.

415 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 22:04

Ask Conundrum if you can keep her pantsu.

416 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 22:12

Pour salt in Jack's crotch

417 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 06:52

Who received the skill point/mana for killing the tentacled horror?

418 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 10:03

While heading toward the forest for safety, explain as quickly as possible to Conundrum and Continue the events leading up to the dimensional collapse.

419 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 12:00

Attempt to re-establish contact with the Control Tower.

420 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 19:19

Set your name to "Player 1"

421 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 23:16

>>415
Conundrum-chan looks at you with shock, followed by a sort of uneasy mixture of disgust and fear. And yet, she finds that she cannot disobey. She removes her pantsu and hands them to you, avoiding eye contact and blushing with shame. Continue-chan looks on silently. A pair of frilly white pantsu has been added to your inventory.

>>416
As she is still next to you, you carefully, but firmly, push her to the ground and flip her skirt up with the intention of pouring salt into her crotch. Unfortunately, as soon as you catch sight of what lies beneath, you lose control of your actions, and succumb to the bewitching, hypnotic wiles of the void. Soon, you go the way of the tentacle monster. You probably deserved it as well.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 19

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>414)

>>417
You know you certainly didn't. You aren't sure how these things work; perhaps it only counts if you kill it directly, or maybe... maybe it isn't dead.

>>418
Having quite thoroughly forgotten what you came to the meadow for in the first place, you walk into the small forested area ahead of you while telling the two onna no ko as much as you know about the cause of the dimensional collapse, which is very little: the portal core and failsafes somehow failed, and then the dimension collapsed. The end.

>>419
You feel a tug at your sleeve. Continue-chan looks up at you, clearly so dokidoki and hanikami that she has difficulty getting the words out. "Anou, Sensei, shouldn't we go try the c-computer?" Yes, you agree, you should. The three of you walk back to the - thankfully vacant - field.

In order to get it working again, you elect to carry the computer all the way back to the chuugakkou and use it there. It's heavy, and a long way to carry, but between the three of you you finally make it. Sat in the IT room, the setting sun casting an orange filter over everything in sight, you plug in the computer and switch it on - it works! Now, to attempt to communicate with the contact tower. Hmm, you think to yourself, perhaps you didn't think this out very well; after the dimensional collapse, the universe was largely reconstructured, and there's every chance the control tower - or, for that matter, the entire facility - is no longer extant.

Cautiously, with heavy keystrokes, you attempt to connect to the facility intranet. The webpage loads slowly, excruciatingly slowly, redirects several times, and, at last, resolves to a login page. It requires a username and a password. There is nothing else displayed on the page.

>>420
Your name is now Player One.

422 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 00:01

Put salt into Jack's crotch with a blindfold on

423 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 00:01

Log in with the following:
username: username
password: password

424 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 00:56

If that doesn't work, try:
username: admin
password: password123

425 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 08:33

username: emanresu
password: drowssap

426 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 08:36

username: root
password: 00189
(see >>44)

427 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 08:37

Enter the username and password with your nose, because the nose knows.

428 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 15:41

username: ' or '1' = '1
password:

429 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 16:33

>>422
After some time spent searching, you eventually end up using Jack Conundrum-chan's pantsu as a blindfold. You then push her to the ground and empty salt into her crotch. Unfortunately, whilst blindfolded you had accidentally grabbed Continue-chan instead. Upon removing the blindfold and noticing this you feel a surge of embarrassment, and mutter a quick "gomen nasai!" as you help Continue-chan back to her feet.

>>423
You attempt to log in with the username "username" and the password "password". It appears to be wrong, as the computer emits a short beep and returns to the login screen, which now contains a short message at the top of the screen:
Incorrect login. 5 Attempts remaining.

>>424
This time, you decide to use the username "admin" and the password "password123". After submitting, the computer again beeps and the message is changed to reflect your most recent attempt:
Incorrect login. 4 Attempts remaining.

>>425
Suddenly, you receive a flash of inspiration. You enter "emanresu" in the username field and "drowssap" in the password field and click submit. Alas, it appears that this login was not accepted either, as the increasingly-familiar beep sounded and the login screen now displays the message:
Incorrect login. 3 Attempts remaining.

>>426
As you struggle with the login screen, you have a vision of a memory that is not yours. You immediately enter "root" and "00189" as the username and password respectively. Yet again, the computer beeps. The message above the login screen now displays
Incorrect login. 2 Attempts remaining.

>>427
Of course! Why didn't you think of it before? The mystery of this login prompt is nothing for the superior intellect of your nasal protuberance. As you mash the keyboard somewhat randomly with your nose, Conundrum-chan points to a small post-it-note on the side of the monitor. The post-it-note reads: USERNAME: "Player 1" PASSWORD: "Samson 512". At this point, you hit the enter button, which results in another beep and the message:
Incorrect login. 1 Attempt remaining.

>>428
A bead of sweat runs down your face. What could the username be? What is the password? Your knowledge of physics reassures you that there must be a solution, but it evades you. Just when Continue-chan mutters "baka" and tries to grab the keyboard, it hits you. The world goes into photonegative. "I've got it!" you yell, proudly. "There is no username or password!" Snapping the keyboard back, you type " '" into the username field and "" in the password field. "Dame!" Jack yells, but nothing can stop you now. You slam your finger down on the enter key.

The computer beeps.
The message now reads:
Incorrect login. No login attempts remain.

Game autosaved.

430 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 16:39

Wait 5 minutes, clear the cookies, and refresh the page.

431 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 21:28

Ponder whether the game is broken since sensei was definitely about to start typing ' or '1' = '1

432 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7559 23:54

Type "Player 1", hit enter, type "ASS", hit enter.

433 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7560 05:57

Summon The Mighty Dongoloid

434 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7560 06:10

Unplug and replug the computer and mash random keys while it starts up.

435 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7560 14:21

Combine Q-Bert and Diviner Sensation to summon Key Fairy.

436 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7560 23:55

>>430
You sit around for five minutes twiddling your thumbs, Continue-chan and Conundrum-chan staring daggers at you the entire time. The webpage is the same as before, with the same condemning message.

>>431
This login setup is not something most people would consider a game, but you are not most people. You wonder if it's broken, because you clearly intended to type in more than a single apostrophe, even if the rest slipped your mind at the time. Yes, you think to yourself, the login screen should process not what you enter, but what you intend to enter. It's the login game's fault, really. That's much easier than accepting the blame yourself.

>>432
The username and password entry fields are greyed out, so nothing happens when you type.

>>433
You have no idea what this "mighty dongoloid" is, let alone how to summon it.

>>434
You give the power cord at the back of the computer a firm tug, and the screen goes dead. You plug it back in, press the power switch and, throughout the startup sequence, run your hands over the keyboard like an inexperienced but overenthusiastic jazz pianist. You end up opening the boot menu. It is set to boot from the hard drive by default, the other options being to boot from CD-ROM, USB or LAN.

You hear an exasperated sigh from behind you. Continue-chan grabs you by the shoulders and turns you to face her. "You utter baka!" she accuses, slapping you as hard as she can in the face. Your right cheek stings. "You incompetent aho!" she smacks you again, with the other hand, this time. Conundrum-chan looks on, at a loss as to what to do. "You useless unko-for-brains!" She pushes you to the floor and pins down your arms with her legs, then hits you in the face again. "What the hell is wrong with you, you subhuman piece of kuso!" Smack! "Just die!" Smack!

She pulls something from the back of her skirt - a knife - and presses the sharp edge against your jugular. She leans in close and whispers in your ear, in a low, monotone voice, "Stay away from the computer, and let me sort this out. Go sit in the corner of the room and stare at the wall. Don't say anything. Don't do anything. Don't even look at anything." Once she sees she has thoroughly broken your spirit, she lets you get up and cower in the corner of the room, tail metaphorically between your legs.

>>435
You don't know what a Q-Bert is, but you certainly aren't in possession of one. The only sensations you have are shame, embarrassment and pain. You don't know what a "key fairy" is, nor how to summon one.

As you're busy sitting in the corner thinking such stupid and useless things, Continue-chan restarts the computer, installs TOR and attempts to connect to the intranet via another exit node, with apparent success. She types something in, evidently believing it to be the correct username and password, and is surprised and disappointed to find that it's incorrect.

437 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 00:04

Be Jack again.

438 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 00:16

Put salt on the computer

439 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 01:49

Check inventory...where did that knife come from?

440 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 01:53

>>439
nix that, wrong character

441 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 15:12

Since computer is now connected to the internet, go to http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1341413503/l50 on the browser, enter the following:

"Desperately, Conundrum-chan mashes her head against the keyboard and presses enter. And surely enough, the prompt on the screen now reads "Login Successful". Also everyone gains massive experience points and Continue-chan learns Solarbeam"

Hit Reply.

442 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 15:29

Pretend that you are Spider-Man.

443 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 16:59

Check for other installed programs on the computer besides the web browser.

444 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 23:29

>>437
You are now playing as Jack Conundrum-chan.

>>438
You are not in possession of any salt.

>>441
You politely ask Continue-chan for brief access to the computer, and she soon acquiesces. You navigate to this very thread and type out an absurd, delusional but oddly comforting post, well aware that nothing could possibly come of it. Once you finish writing, you click reply.

Wrong verification code entered.

>>442
As Continue-chan returns to angrily manipulating the keyboard, you decide to amuse yourself by pretending to be one of those amerikajin superheroes. You jump around the room, shooting imaginary spiderwebs from your wrists and uttering poignant lines about personal responsibility. Neither Continue-chan nor Sensei spares you a single glance.

>>443
You walk over to the computer again, with the intention of checking what other programs are installed. Rather than step aside, Continue-chan turns to you with an odd look in her eye. "I love you, Conundrum-chan, I really do..." she says slowly. You are frozen in place, and your small maidenly body is filled with dokidoki feelings. "But... you've become awfully bothersome, Conundrum-chan. I loved you more when you stayed out of my way." She stands up, a crooked smile on her face, eyes gleaming like the knife in her hand. "Don't worry Conundrum-chan, just close your eyes and I'll make sure nothing like this ever comes between us again..." She takes a step towards you, blade at the ready.

Masturbation Continue-chan has left your party, and is no longer a playable character.

445 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7561 23:31

Close your eyes.

446 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7562 00:36

Sing "Never gonna give you up."

447 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7562 00:40

Tackle Continue-chan's torso to knock her to the ground, pin down the hand holding the knife, and kiss her while applying enough pressure to her wrist that she loosens her grip. Grab the knife and raise the knife while chanting ritualistically to the blood god, then stab her in the heart.

If that doesn't work, just point our crotch at her.

448 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7562 17:23

Preemptive self-heal cast! Counterattack by slapping her across the face!

449 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7562 22:31

>>445
You close your eyelids and yield yourself to your beloved, willing to bear anything she might do to you, for her sake.

>>446
Having accepted your fate, you begin to sing, under your breath, a song - a beautiful song, about full commitment, understanding of feelings, honesty, about the endurance of love; about everything that's important to you. You feel a pressure about your upper body - Continue-chan is hugging you tightly, and sobbing quietly. "C-Conundrum-chan, is that truly how you feel about me? I-I... aishiteru, Conundrum-chan. Let's be together forever." You stroke her back, your ai surpassing the need for words. The two of you stay like that for several long, slow moments, bathing in one another's warmth and affection.

>>447
With no warning, you let go of your beloved Continue-chan and push her to the ground. You pounce upon her, grabbing her hand with the knife - which she makes no effort to hold onto - and clamping your lips onto hers. You kiss her passionately, almost violently, experiencing a strange and sudden hunger for her body. Her lips respond in kind. She tastes faintly of peaches. You withdraw, taking the knife from her. She looks up at you, smiling gently, a single hair caught in the corner of her mouth.

You raise the knife above your head. "Conundrum-chan, I f--" she begins, but her last words are interrupted by your praising Armok at the top of your voice. You plunge the knife into her mune, into which it descends without a sound. Continue-chan gives a slight gasp, then falls silent for good. A bright red fluid bleeds from the wound, spreading into a large, irregular stain on her blouse, somewhat like a poppy. There is blood on your hands.

For killing a sapient creature in a ritual manner, you have gained 100 mana and two skill points. You currently have 165 mana and three unallocated skill points.

>>448
You are attacked by remorse, which tears a gaping hole in your heart. You try to heal the damage, but your skills are only effective on physical injuries. You try to counterattack, but remorse is a fickle beast that causes you to attack yourself. You feel dreadful. So dreadful, in fact, that you don't notice that Sensei has long since left the room.

450 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7562 23:04

Curse quietly.

451 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7562 23:59

Pour salt in your heart

452 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7563 00:35

Head towards the Control Tower. Or at least where Jack believes the Control Tower might be.

453 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7563 01:33

check inventory/skills

454 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7563 04:01

Put all skill points into necromancy. We will bring Continue back someday!

455 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7563 06:23

Load a save from before we killed lovely Continue-chan

456 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7563 06:33

Unless >>455's command works, save a lock of Continue's hair to assist in any necromany-related activities.

457 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7563 23:47

>>450
You mutter some unladylike epithet under your breath. It doesn't make you feel any better.

>>451
You decide to pour salt in your wounds, so to speak, by condemning yourself for your actions. How could you do something so heartless? You ask yourself. You have no answer. You collapse in a deluge of salty tears.

>>452
You have absolutely no idea where the Control Tower is, or, for that matter, what it is. It could be something entirely metaphorical for all you know. The only thing you know to be associated with accessing the Control Tower is the computer, which you walk over to.

>>453
Your inventory is empty; you are only in possession of your clothing. You are currently wearing: a black pleated skirt, a white blouse with slight blood staining, a dark blue cardigan, a blue neckerchief, a pair of white knee-high socks, a pair of black shoes and a pair of frilly white pantsu. You currently have the following skills:

  • Proposal (active skill): propose marriage to another entity. Both you and the other entity must be eligible for marriage. Requires engagement ring.
  • Basic healing (passive skill): body slowly regenerates from damage. Not a magic spell; your body just naturally does that.
  • Place in recovery position (active skill): able to place unconscious humanoid into a position in which they will regain consciousness more quickly and are less likely to asphyxiate.
  • Dress wound (active skill): able to apply antiseptic and/or dressing/bandage to wound to stem bleeding and promote healing.
  • Basic magical healing (active skill): able to expend mana in order to quickly heal self or other entity. One unit of mana roughly corresponds to one hour's worth of natural healing.
  • JavaScript console (active skill): Opens the JavaScript console. Requires 75 mana.

>>454
You now have level three necromancy. You have unlocked the following skills:

  • Reanimation (invertebrates)(active skill): Can revive any invertebrate, so long as bodily integrity is above 50%. Revived creatures behave as they would while alive. Requires 10 mana per minute of revival.
  • Reanimation (small vertebrates)(active skill): Can revive any vertebrate weighing less than 2kg, so long as bodily integrity is above 80%. Revived creatures behave as they would while alive. Requires 40 mana per minute of revival.
  • Reanimation (body parts)(active skill): Can revive body parts weighing less than 5kg, not including grey matter, as long as bodily integrity is above 80%. Revived body parts behave hostilely towards anything perceptible by associated sensory organs. Requires 20 mana per kg per minute of revival.

>>455
(Loading >>444.sav...)
(Error: save file missing or corrupted.)

>>456
You cut a few precious strands of Continue-chan's hair, using the very knife you just murdered her with, and put them in the pocket of your skirt. A lock of Continue-chan's hair has been added to your inventory.

458 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7564 00:16

Eat her hair

459 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7564 00:21

Commit acts of necrophilia on Continue's body

460 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7564 00:54

Open the javascript and try the following commands:

Player.mana = 50000;
Player.setMana(50000);
Player.mana_recovery = true;
Player.xyz = Sensei.xyz;
Continue.xyz = Conudrum.xyz;
help();

461 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7564 08:59

Switch to Player 1.

462 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7564 14:31

Be the Control Tower.

463 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7565 00:00

>>458
You feel a sudden need to be closer to the late Continue-chan. You can scarcely bring yourself to look at what you have wrought upon her small body, but you do have that one lock of hair by which to remember her. Unable to think of any better way to bring her closer to her, you swallow the hair. You feel it scrape agonisingly against your pharynx, but continue to force it down, desperate to be able to carry that little bit of Continue-chan inside you.

You become aware that something is urgently wrong - the lock of hair is lodged somewhere it shouldn't be. You gag by reflex, but nothing comes up. You try to swallow to dislodge the obstruction, but to no avail. You bend over and try to cough, but you can't even manage that. In a blind panic, you claw at your throat, lungs burning for lack of air, unable even to scream. At last, the world goes black and your inert body lands on the floor, next to that of your former lover.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 20

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>457)

>>459
You feel a sudden need to be closer to the late Continue-chan. But... a different sort of closeness. An ecchi sort of closeness. Unfortunately, you don't know how to do ecchi things; you aren't even sure where babies come from, but you think it has something to do with a hole in your crotch. The hole in your crotch is far too dangerous to bring near poor Continue-chan's body, though, you decide.

>>460
You spend 75 mana opening the JavaScript console, type in a few lines, then close it again. Immediately, your vision is filled with:

Failed: NameError
Failed: NameError
Failed: NameError
Failed: NameError
Warning: TypeError in module PauliExclusionPrinciple

You find that Continue's cadaver has been superimposed into your body. Your constituent atoms vehemently repel one another, and you explode on an atomic level, spraying the entire room with a fine mist of little girl particles. The help screen opens, but you can't read it because you're dead.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 21

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>457)

>>461
You are now playing as Player 1, otherwise known as Sensei. You are currently huddled in a broom cupboard down the corridor from the IT room. You are in complete darkness, and cannot see any of your surroundings.

>>462
The Control Tower resists your feeble attempts to subvert its consciousness.

464 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7565 09:28

Open the door, then have a look at what possibly-useful items are currently stored in this broom cupboard.

465 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7565 09:32

Curse politely and gently touch your surroundings in hopes of finding a door knob.

466 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7565 09:36

Open the cupboard! Quick! Before a grue eats us!

467 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7565 23:47

>>464
Cautiously, you reveal yourself to the world, and closely inspect your hiding place. You find a broom, a mop, an opened box of spare incandescent lightbulbs, two tins of paint, one tin of wood varnish, a few wooden crates and several unmarked cardboard boxes of varying sizes.

>>465
"Oh fiddlesticks," you mutter to yourself. You can see a doorknob on the door you just opened, but touch it by hand just to make sure.

>>466
Thankfully, the cupboard seems quite grueless.

Just as you are beginning to feel safe, You hear the footsteps of someone running down the corridor towards you. Conundrum-chan runs into you and slams the door behind you. The two of you are plunged into darkness. She clings to you, shaking. You manage to make out a few words from her. "People outside... soldiers... carrying guns..."

She suddenly falls silent. You can hear slow, heavy footsteps outside the cupboard door.

468 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7565 23:59

Quietly grope Conundrum-chan's oppai.

469 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7566 00:09

Quietly hum the tune "The ants go marching one by one."

470 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7566 06:17

Quietly be loud.

471 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7566 08:27

Gently prod the crates and boxes with your appendages. If any of them feel to be open, engage the sense of touch to cautiously inspect what's inside.

472 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 00:30

>>468
You decide to make use of the darkness and need for silence to satisfy your own latent lolicon yearnings. Without warning, you grasp poor Conundrum-chan's thorax, cupping your hands around her small, budding oppai. You feel her body stiffen, but she makes no sound. You squeeze and knead them greedily, causing a slight gasp to escape her lips.

>>469
You quietly hum your favourite nursery rhyme. The footsteps outside stop.

>>470
You quietly kick one of the crates on the ground, causing a clattering noise somewhat louder than you intended. There are a few seconds of silence, then the cupboard door is thrown open to reveal two rather threatening looking human figures. They are dressed in full body grey combat armour, with visors covering their faces. They are wielding large, bulky guns, which they are pointing at you.

Without hesitation, they open fire, burning large holes through your vital organs with their laser weapons.

GAME OVER
Deaths: 22

(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>467)

>>471
Taking great care so as not to make any noise, you explore your surroundings. The cardboard boxes mostly contain books, and magazines which, obviously, you cannot read. You also locate an odd cubic object which, when manipulated, reveals itself to be a Rubik's cube. One cardboard box contains a set of cleaning sprays, sponges and rags. The wooden crates are all sealed and unopenable.

After having spent this long rummaging through the contents of the broom cupboard, the footsteps from outside have moved on down the corridor. You are probably safe for now.

473 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 00:42

Stuff as many cleaning rags as possible in pockets.
Take Rubik's cube and stuff it down our pants.
Cautiously open cupboard door, check for enemies, and if the coast is clear make a run for it in the direction that the footsteps were coming from.

474 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 03:32

Celebrate the Rubik's cube anniversary throwing a wild 80s themed party.

475 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 15:10

In case of unexpected (and armed) guests cease and desist immediately.

476 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 18:09

Yawn theatrically, announce that I'm bored, and then go over and see how the Car Wars game at another table is going.

477 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 19:27

Ask Jack-chan why is Continue-chan absent.

478 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 22:21

>>473
You take all four rags and stuff two in each of your trouser pockets. You hide the Rubik's cube in your underwear.

You open the cupboard door, just a crack, and look out. The sun has set, and the corridor is bathed in twilight. You cannot see anyone. Grasping Conundrum-chan's hand, you decide to make your escape, sprinting away in the opposite direction to the IT room.

>>474
You make it to the top of the stairwell, a few metres from the broom cupboard, when you are suddenly struck by a bolt of inspiration! Taking the Rubik's cube out of your underpants, you begin plotting what sorts of parachronistic celebrations you could throw.

>>475
The door to the IT room flies open, and two people in combat armour emerge, running straight towards you. You cease your ridiculous reverie and run down the stairs, narrowly dodging the lasers now etching scorch marks into the wall immediately behind where your head just was. You hear heavy boots slapping against the ground as the two set off in pursuit of you.

>>476
Conundrum-chan seems awfully kanashii, and your current predicament isn't likely to help. You decide to lighten the mood by jokingly suggesting that being chased by angry men with guns is something blasé. You are somewhat too out of breath to yawn convincingly, hampering your presentation. "How boring!" you exclaim. Conundrum-chan doesn't acknowledge you at all, and simply keeps running down the stairs.

You cannot see any tables, nor can you locate any games of Car Wars.

>>477
"Where's Continue-chan?" you ask, as the two of you reach the next landing on the staircase. Conundrum-chan stops, looks at you with large, pathetic eyes, and silently shakes her head.

You are currently on the first floor of the chuugakkou. From here, corridors branch off to the East and West. Within running distance are two kyoushitsu and the infirmary. You could continue down the stairs to the ground floor, where you will find the lockers, front door, and cafeteria. You are already quite out of breath and can't run much further, but Conundrum-chan could probably make it quite some distance more, were you to split up.

479 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 23:35

Inquire if Conundrum-chan still wishes another sandwich. Go downstairs if she does.

480 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7567 23:48

Post deleted by user.

481 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7568 00:57

Run and hide under the bed in the infirmary.

482 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7568 15:30

my hair is nappy!

483 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7568 22:20

>>479
Conundrum-chan seems more interested in avoiding a premature death than filling her stomach. She swings around the banister and continues running down the stairs, two steps at a time.

>>481
Abandoning your young companion to whatever lies downstairs, you dive through the door to the infirmary and slam it shut behind you. Those hateful footsteps aren't far behind you. You momentarily take stock of the room: there is a desk and a large cupboard to your right. There are a lot of files neatly arranged on the desk, but you can't see much else in the dark. There are two hospital-style beds, between which are curtains that can be drawn across to form partitions. They're all pulled back at present. At the opposite end of the room is a large window overlooking a courtyard.

Inelegantly, you throw yourself under the first bed and try to get your breathing and heart rate back to a more civilised pace. The door slams open. You hear someone enter, pause briefly, then open the cupboard. Clearly not finding what they are looking for, they continue searching the room.

>>482
You have never been good at dealing with stressful situations; they can have odd effects on your psyche. In this particular case, your stress manifests as a bizarre momentary delusion that your head is covered not in hair, but in a used baby's diaper. You can almost feel the infant's effluence pouring down your face. Even holding your breath, the smell of excrement is overwhelming. Yet, you cannot move for fear of alerting your nemesis.

He walks down the room - right towards you! His boots pass within centimetres of your head. He walks to the other end of the room, stops, then turns and abruptly walks straight out. Seconds later, you hear the door to the kyoushitsu next door open. He has left the door to the infirmary ajar.

484 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7568 23:47

stay here

485 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7569 02:09

Wait 666.666 seconds.

486 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7569 03:26

Make grinding noises

487 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7569 13:39

Take the files. I hope we have everything we need.

488 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7569 14:45

Re-read the pause menu brief, as I realize I really have no idea what the hell am I doing.

489 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7569 16:34

Keep the pause menu for a bit longer to enjoy the music.

490 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7569 20:54

>>484,485
You stay under the bed for about eleven minutes. After around a minute, you hear the sound of laser fire, coming from downstairs. It comes again around twenty seconds later, from the courtyard this time. You hear the person next door leave and descend the stairwell outside. The remaining ten or so minutes pass uneventfully.

>>486
"Drr, drr, drr," you say to yourself. Alas, your weak, fleshy larynx is insufficient to substantiate the beautiful, mechanical noise you were trying to make.

>>487
You crawl out from beneath the bed like a young child's nightmare, make your way to the desk and stuff your pockets with as many of the files as you can. You have no idea why there are there are so many files here, but you're quite beyond caring at this point. Your pockets are bulging with cleaning rags and files, so you elect to carry the rest in your hands.

Whether your current situation constitutes "everything you need" or not is a matter of semantics, you think to yourself. Primarily, what is meant by "need"? For instance, you will sooner or later require some source of nutrition, which you don't have - yet you aren't particularly hungry right now. If need is defined only as what is required in the instant, then you do indeed have everything you need, but this definition soon runs into problems - namely, everyone currently living has what they need to continue living for the instant, which renders the entire concept almost useless. Indeed, you think to yourself, a sense of what will be necessary in the future is implicit in the idea of need. Yet this cannot work either, for all people are mortal, and hence in need of something at some point in the future - thus, no one can be said to have everything they need. You may define need as being for a certain distance into the future, but then where does one draw the line? You hope that you have everything you need, but fear that you do not.

>>488
The pause menu reads:

@@ GAME PAUSED

  • Return to game
  • Save
  • Load
  • Exit to menu

You continue to have no idea what you're doing.

>>489
You stare at the text of the pause menu. The text of the pause menu stares back at you. You try to enjoy the background music, but can't help but find it rather unnerving. For the most part, it is a somewhat subdued, melancholic solo piano piece, but with a strange, steady undercurrent of grinding noises, as of pieces of machinery rubbing against one another. The melody is interspersed with odd and unexpected refrains of musical instruments you don't recognise. They don't even sound synthesised; they're more like vaguely distorted versions of conventional instruments.

Just as you are beginning to grow comfortable, the vocals kick in. "Kill them," a woman's voice instructs, "Kill them all, and then I will love you."

491 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 00:39

Save, then exit to menu.

492 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 02:07

Quit and uninstall

493 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 03:43

Reinstall.

494 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 05:39

Don't

495 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 08:42

...stop me now

496 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 10:36

New Game+

497 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 14:33

Play as Dear Leader.

498 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 17:07

Quit, uninstall OS.

499 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 17:13

Throw the computer out the window

500 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7570 19:16

GET!

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