What I did with the medical herbs my friend gave me.
Marksmanship, how to dress a kill, tracking, navigation, and edible plant identification.
What are the 5 most important skills for an airline pilot?
Too much tanasinn. Think more, feel less.
Tanasinn?
You'd think the crowbar would have done the job, but no, it didn't even make a noticeable difference.
What did you do to that dead body?
Death is the only answer.
What spell should I use to fill up my last black mage slot?
No, no, a thousand times, NO!
So, would watching Crazy Dave Tape be time well spent?
I can't believe that the Japanese never thought of it first.
An all wheel drive car with an inline six engine
shooting laser beams from the eyes
Is it possible to cure rectal cancer?
No, that's awful. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I want to get plastic surgery so that I look like one of the orcs from the LotR movies, but I'm worried that my friends might disapprove. Should I?
You must use a pair of tweezers to very, VERY carefully remove the foreign object.
I think the coke-filled condom up my ass is broken, what should I do?
You know that just might work. A little more nail polish and, yeah.
I'm trying to fake my own death, will this dummy constructed out of trash bags and carpet samples convince the insurance company and my six wives?
I think it's just there for decorative purposes.
There's a gigantic cave spider in my room, what the fuck?
You burn it into a Blu-Ray disc.
A hacker put a virus on my computer, what should I do?
AIDS and cancer at the same time.
Final solution for USER heh man!fi.Jek4HW6 and other distasteful miscreants?
You're right, I am awesome.
Why are there three gigantic tentacle penises emerging from your pants?
Sorry, we don't stock those, but we do have this lovely sledgehammer.
Have you seen my Mjolnir lying about?
Frankly, squeeks, I'm amazed you've survived without it this long.
Why did you give twenty dollars to that daytime prostitute?
Well, if you want to risk needing a colostomy bag for the rest of your life, it might be fun.
How does it feel to sodomize yourself with a tree branch?
As far as I'm concerned, he should have never had that status in the first place.
What is your opinion of President Obama?
4 first class plane tickets from Tampa to Tokyo on Christmas Eve, followed by a rented Nissan GT-R, and a shopping trip with some Ganguro girls in Roppongi and Shibuya.
Try to find something better than mittens. Go on, I dare ya.
I dunno, something that walks on four legs in the morning, I guess.
what has become of today's youth!?
not unless you're able to properly pronounce the words fennesz, reburf and wareruride
Do you think I'll be able to pass my tri-lingual math test?
iichan could help you with that.
Is there a slower textboard than here?
The world.
Aaah you know, that guy with the steamroller and then he shouts and goes WRYYY and... damnit, I really can't remember what it was called!
Well maybe if you count the corpses, too.
Overall, would you say the happiness of the Chinese people increased dramatically as a result of the Great Leap Forward?
FYAD
So, what is the name of your immigrant co-worker?
You can use a toothpick for that, just make sure to remove pointy sides.
My eye itches, what do I scratch it with?
A herd of /b/tards.
Whats worse than a /b/tard?
Dead men tell no tales.
This storyteller is boring me to death with his boring stories. What should I do.
The same as giving gloves to mitten lovers.
Could you answer your own question? Alternatively, how would MacGyver make a bug?
What? No, it's nothing like that ...
How do i ensure that 1 less Obama vote is cast in 2012?
Because someone outside the guiness book of records records that number.
>>183
Why can't I find a count of how many times you've fucked up and will fuck up this thread in the guiness book of records?
Because you're fucking nuts.
Why don't people appreciate my blood paintings? http://Crinkle-CutBeatroot.deviantart.com/art/Long-Walk-Home-127590660 (Please click full view)
Try some progressive jumpstyle.
How can I get better at DDR?
Laser.
I think cats are pretty cool as they are, how could we possibly improve on god's cuddliest creature?
I don't think you're my type, but if I'm ever looking to experiment I'll let you know.
I need a mad scientist who can build diabolical devices to further my schemes of world domination. Interested?
North, West, South, West.
What are the directions to get to the superstructure from the haunted forest?
Find that heh man dude, he'll know.
What is it like to be a namefag and tripfag?
Does this question have an answer?
Write it on paper, and we'll see.
How do I solve Fermat's Last Theorem?
It's called skull fucking, dummy.
Wh..what are you doing to squeeks!?
When I bought it the cashier winked at me.
What was it like to die at Yoshinoya?
Red Mage, Fighter, Thief, White Mage. It's just how I roll.
Which of your Final Fantasy themed D20s will we be using at today's session?
Mr. Pibb. Lots of Mr. Pibb.
How do I wax my chest?
A single dolphin.
When I cross sedate lions for an immortal porpoise, what should I give it?
Five tons of flax.
Hey mom what's for dinner?
No, they were only 5$.
Could you loan me five dollars?
Your idiot brain couldn't comprehend it anyway.
Why didn't you tell me how Clonepa was made?
He was the other guy all along.
How did that yaoi about the schizophrenic end?
Thirty-seven.
What is the meaning of life, the universe, and logical positivism?
It's merely an algorithm which injects vowels into randomized consonant clusters in a statistically sound way, giving the appearance of pronounceable words for ease of cognitive processing without being so entirely predictable as to be easily mirrored by a similar engine or to fall susceptible to a dictionary attack. Any resemblance to real words is purely coincidental and not worth celebrating.
What is a left-leaning political columnist?
I recommend the nine iron.
What dull implement should I use to club you to death with? It should have enough reach that I don't get any of your filthy blood on me.
No, they should all be euthanized.
Should we protect the retarded children?
The stealthy assassin of old people.
Who was that funny black dude I saw on the TV the other day?
He is that guy who used to troll world2ch/world4ch and whatnot, I think he was also a rejected goon.
Who is moot?
Because you can't relax around him or his bans.
Why shouldn't I resurrect Draco, the ancient Greek lawmaker?
Just add Spartans.
How do I turn a shitty video clip into a successful Youtube phenomenon?
Cloning Debito Ardou.
What would result in the destruction of Japan as we know it?
Aids.
I need some help around the office, who should I hire?
Really, ethnocentrism is like a circus, and otherwise respectable cultures are the biggest clowns of all.
Do you think Asians are cool?
By typing "DESU".
How can I make everyone hate me in the quickest way possible?
Displacement is vital to the process.
What do I need to find an object's average velocity?
Lots and lots of vodka.
What do I need to observe a Russian at maximum velocity?
It didn't come with a kitchen.
Why did you send your new computer back? I really don't get what your problem is, it worked just fine!
Exactly. Just like the giant heads made from metal standing in the cornfield, on the Pink Floyd cover.
So, Jeremy Clarkson looks like either the Easter Island heads or what now?
No way in hell there's six of them left after tonight.
What would happen if every country in the world had large stockpiles of nuclear weapons starting yesterday?
The large, tangled mess of cords under one of the couches in the basement.
Is there any evidence I forgot to get rid of?
I had to chew it thoroughly.
What would sex would look like if it were made out of mud and frozen decomposing undergrowth?
But I don't want to suck his cock to keep my legs.
If the whole world flooded, what would humanity use to soak it all up?
Press 9 three times and then dial the number you wish to call.
How do I bring Squeeks back from the dead?
Protip: Cast Beat and Defeat.
I really don't get it... What am i supposed to do, now that she's dead? I feel like i don't want to live anymore...
Leave me the fuck alone!
Hi, I was just wondering, would you please take this box full of money? It is perfectly legal and duty-free, I just don't want it anymore.
A hundred million, a million trillion stars up in the sky.
What are those specks of light that are always above us at night?
Why are you just staring at me like that, not saying anything?
Münchausen by proxy syndrome
What do you get if you put a hamster in a blender that plays classical, German music?
JEWS.
wud do you maked from crudged oranges?
Then that makes the panhandle the testicles!
Why do so many Bible thumpers live in the Florida Panhandle?
Death by having to smell someone else's farts.
What is your deepest, darkest sexual fantasy?
Sorry, I must have made a typo. wink
What's so special about a rectal exam anyways?
Male genitalia of the tiny type.
What do you see in the mirror when you undress for a shower?
SNOOPING AS USUAL, I SEE.
Yo dizzle bizzles, I'm just chilaxing with the gizzles here in mah chizzle. Preach.
I doubt it, but you should consult a doctor just to be sure.
Did you give me AIDS last night?
Thunderwhistles.
What did you install on my toilet?
i know it's too late but in future scan keygens etc with www.virustotal.com, virusscan.jotti.org or novirusthanks.com
OMG my halo keygen i got of teh interwebs was a virus! WAT DO?
Seriously man, you have to stop doing that.
I bought Halo the other day, you should buy it too, maybe we could play?
THAT is my trump card.
I see you have a photo of your neighbor with some other guys dick in his mouth. Why do you have it?
A house without a roof
I didn't want to pay for a whore, so I tried pirating one using a keygen. I ended up getting an STD from it. What do I do?
Double-sided tape.
I need to put an "I'm Stupid" sign on my face what do I use to keep it in place?
Mooning a bus full of retarded schoolchildren.
What is the best way to die?
Flying animatronic genitalia.
If you could chose any pet, any pet at all. Which one would you chose ?
The banshee says it's sorry but apart from that... I think you still have to take care of that tribute to the United Future Organization.
Dude, I hooked up with some girl last night after you guys left. Man you should have seen her, long blond hair, sad piercing eyes and nice tight body in a tighter white dress. She was a real screamer. I woke up next to my saxophone, she was gone. I was feeling pretty bad so I picked my sax and started to play a few notes. It sounded so dull and empty like I had no soul. I don't think I can go to the studio today, can you make up some excuse for me?