[NOVEL] DQN Short Novel [SHORT] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 20:59

Add on to this sentence
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In the year 5000, when man is spreading himself across the solar system,

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 21:05

A 2 is gotten

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 21:23

by a Panda

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 11:04

who is promptly derailed by Beady Eyes

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 11:08

, who takes a bite out of the toast on which man is spreading himself.

6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 15:57

Hate - the bite that sets the universe in motion.

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 17:44

Meanwhile, in the Semi Democratic People's Republic of New Manchuria,

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 18:46

Honorable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII. decides to start

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 19:44

playing with his willy behind his desk.

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 19:54

At this very moment, the famous assassin George Bush CXXIX

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 20:15

is born, immediately slaughtering every single medical professional in a 500-yard radius. Of course, this means that

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 21:48

no one is around to cut the umbilical chord, so he tied it around his waist and slumped his dead mother over his shoulders and left the hospital whistling

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 22:52

the song "A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left" by Andrew Bird. This caused a passing

14 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6522 00:06

Ran-tan-tan to start dancing, thinking that the deaths of everybody around allowed him to finally dance in secret. However,

(OT: >>12 seems to have accidentally switched to past tense, but that tends to work better for narrative anyway so I'm sticking with it.)

15 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6522 11:51

he was mistaken:

(>>14 it was no accident)

16 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 07:13

he planned and plan that was planning to plan a plan but the plan found a plan that was too

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 07:34

plannish. Fortunately,

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 12:09

as always,

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 12:37

as you might expect,

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 12:57

SOMEONE had to come in and take a shit everywhere, because

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 14:33

it was National Shit Day, and

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 18:45

they had a lot of DQN Bell that morning.

23 Name: ∠､( l _ l ),､ゝ!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6524 10:11

There was a group of rebels nearby who were up to

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6524 12:12

no good. And they started making trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight and my Mom got scared, and said
"You're moving in with your auntie and your uncle in Bel-Air."

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6524 13:29

The YOU ARE HERE sign said "You are here" - and all that tried to

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6524 22:55

escape my throat came lodged itself awkwardly within the small threshold behind the tonsils. What was

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6524 23:41

penis

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 06:12

so we ran out of it and found ourselves on a secondary earth where there was just children who aged ever 1000 centuries. Upon seeing my ship they

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 07:59

began wailing in an unholy baritone, shattering the hypothesis that

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 08:14

my ship had came to deliver a millennium of love and peace, which it obviously was not, because

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 09:41

it was bristling with weapons and full to the gunwales with heavily armed Marines. Though we suppose that for a certain definition of "peace," "peace" is what will exist behind them after they pass through. But then--

32 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 12:14

  • Good Lord!-

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 13:52

A shot rang out!

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 15:42

My face!

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 16:38

The Ran-tan-tan had stowed away on the ship during the shit fiasco, and was shot!

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 16:51

My... hnng~... my chest...

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 17:06

the sexy nurse from pokemon then gave me some stuff which she was L.. S.. D.. woahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Suddenly,

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 17:07

Ran-tan-tan stumbled backwards, towards the rail of the ship. Many crew members had a grim look on their face, and

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 17:55

suddenly

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 17:56

without any warning

41 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 17:57

, catching every midget in the room unawares

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 18:51

, he began a horrifying transformation into

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 19:14

franz kafka

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 21:26

with a DRILL PENIS

45 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 22:35

And Franz Kafka said, "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?" To which we replied, "You're a giant cockroach who now has a DRILL PENIS, remember?" And he said "Oh. Right."

And then--

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6525 22:47

... he was struck by a large gust of wind and flew overboard! So long, Ran-tan-tan man!

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6526 07:02

Meanwhile, George Bush CXXIX was munching

48 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6526 11:09

cat fanny

49 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6526 12:27

and slurping on worms, which

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