My behaviour is sludgy. My mind as a whole feels sludgy, in that it is inconsistent.
I can sometimes carry a good habit for a few days or weeks or sometimes months. But then I see I am not improving and give up, or I forget then feel as though I have failed. It feels like I am "rotting". I may restart after a hiatus of hours, days, months, or I may feel too repulsed to restart. Some things I give up almost immediately. It all just cycles.
Maybe its the depression or maybe its who I am. I'm thinking about getting on new AD's. The last ones didn't work.
I feel you. The constant cycle of giving up and then continuing, oftentimes just building yourself up only to fall back to where you were and then starting the cycle all over again.
I notice that it's not too uncommon for something to stick though.
If I were to draw a depiction of it, it would look a bit like a chart going parabolic, crashing catastrophically far below where it was before it went parabolic and then returning to mean, but the mean is ever so slowly increasing every few years.
We both jump to thinking about this as a graph.
Mine would probably not be parabolas, which are smooth. More like spikes with various periods. The mean would be moving, maybe with a long term down trend. There are periods with more spikes, some periods with flat lines.
Although we are both describing depictions, maybe we are actually more similar.
That is what I mean by sludgy. Leaves decaying in shallow muddy pools on the road. Some of the leaves float along with half melted ice. Hideous and unremarkable chaos. Disappointing mostly.
>>10
This.
Focus on things you can actually change. The enemy WANTS you to spin your wheels.
Ditch the TV.
Put Overview on loop until he calms down and sobers up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIl57cchRqs
>>20
That's almost worse than TV!
The worst is when they think they're special and so above everyone else for doing the same shit everyone else does
>Oh you're not into politics? What are you, a dumb normalfag?
>>25
I keep squinting at that post and the only thing I can get out of it is that he meant "guardian." Still kind of weird phrasing in-context, however, so I'm open to other suggestions...
v: suxitch
I wish I could go back to the days when "economy" was just a big word adults liked to use on tv.
test post
This thread is for hikikomori and NEETs to discuss personal issues regarding the NEET lifestyle.
NEET (Not In Education Employment Or Training)
The Japanese Ministry of Health, defines hikikomori as people who refuse to leave their parents' house, do not work or go to school and isolate themselves away from society and family in a single room for a period of 6 months or more.
If you are not a NEET or hikikomori don't post in this thread.
I am a former hikikomori, I have a job for 8 years now yet I still feel immense difficulty relating to people. Don't romanticize the non-hikikomori life too much, guys. It's likely that you will think and act the same even when you get a job and "join society."
Joining society and becoming a slave to society is a bit different. Well, if this society also keeps you alive by feeding you this isn't a completely one sided slavery, but ultimately all that this will do is prolong the agony.
I tried joining society. I just can't do it.
I can't do any work because I don't function around strangers, or groups of people. Everyone has their work schedules and no time for me. I have no schedule and all the time in the world for others. It's a dreadful combination.
Unfortunately all the ways to meet people typically include groups of people looking to meet many others. Can't really meet anyone in a situation where I don't function. Internet isn't much more helpful either, nobody will ever live closeby.
End result, there is no society to join. No friends, no work, no hobby groups. Just the internet and me. It kinda sucks most of the time. I don't even enjoy video games anymore. Am I just going to watch anime until the end?
>>21
Where do you live? If you can post on here (despite how basic the site is) I would wager you aren't too far removed from civilization...
> Internet isn't much more helpful either, nobody will ever live closeby.
I wouldn't say that's a given, you never know. I've met people on the internet who live very close by to me and I even met them IRL. That's fairly simple to do these days but the problem is with what happens next. All of my meetups were super awkward. I found that I didn't have much to really say to these people as they turned out to be totally different in person than they are online. I suppose I should have expected that, as I'm not the same in person as I am online either.
That isn't to say that internet friendships can't be fruitful, they can, but only if you keep them exclusively online if you don't want a very awkward and ultimately unpleasant experience.
> End result, there is no society to join.
Of course there isn't. Society implies shared values, beliefs and goals in a population, not a loose collection of individuals who are out for themselves. When I mentioned joining society I only used the word "society" for simplicity's sake. What I meant by it was really just getting a job and going along to get along.
>>22
Pretty far removed when I am too scared to go outside. It's not so much my location as it is me. That said I do live in a tiny fuck town without daily public transport.
>>23
It's kind of a given when I live in a small country. I take it you live in a bigger country with a more dense population?
I'd fully expect a meetup of someone I had only chatted with to be vastly different. I prefer most of my online friends to remain online friends. I like them that way and I don't want them to change, but I think it would be possible make a slight idea of how someone acts by video chatting a lot in advance and getting past that initial awkwardness. I had a couple people like that in the past, but that's a very long time ago.
I just want a permanent roommate to watch anime and play retro video games with to be honest. A friend like that would be great.
A job with a small amount of coworkers where we get along would be nice too, but I have no social or practical skills.
How does one even get past their hiki status?
The last thing I want is for people to look at me and to talk to me, they will immediately notice how pathetic I am.
>The last thing I want is for people to look at me and to talk to me, they will immediately notice how pathetic I am.
That stuff is mostly in your head. In reality most people don't care, they're just trying to get through their day just like you are. And even if they do give you shit, does it really matter? Most of them probably have normalfag-tier opinions anyway.
>End result, there is no society to join. No friends, no work, no hobby groups. Just the internet and me. It kinda sucks most of the time. I don't even enjoy video games anymore. Am I just going to watch anime until the end?
>Just the internet and me.
That doesn't sound so bad to me. For free, I put real work into online projects that matter. My problem recently is that my family members make me feel like dirt. Users (mostly anons) online also make me feel like dirt sometimes, or most of the time. Do I deserved to be treated like dirt? No. Are some of their criticisms somewhat valid? Yes.
Also I am sometimes a smelly anime fan, lulz.
>That doesn't sound so bad to me
It wasn't the first half a decade or so. The last couple years I've just been utterly rotting away chasing for something to enjoy. How long have you been a neet?
A hundred more times
Reunion, loving, parting
Distance is a bitch.
"Can I spend the night?"
Penis and brain embattled
"...Welcome to my house."
Healthy, happy, full
My greatest love is with you:
Me, Myself and I!
Postcard in the mail
Tell me about your life there,
Heaven in Deutschland.
Though we cannot touch
My heart soars like a child's
I am always yours
you are not real
you are just a mixture of
all the previous ones
A distant specter,
culminant of my Soul's wants--
Unfulfilled life needs.
Me from other coast,
You might have destructive likes,
but you're still also free
steady postin on the web
dude i love you
no homo
Truly I miss you
I never confessed it
See you again soon?
I cannot feel love for one of my girlfriends more than a few weeks. I think all my life I struggled with the anxiety of 'not feeling things' . Pretty much whenever I ever made a gf the anxiety of 'not feeling' was starting and I couldn't feel a thing. The same thing happens to hobbies and things I like.
Ever happened to you ?
Are you sure you ever felt love in the first place? Probably it was just lust or a temporary obsession. I obsess a lot over things, it can be confused for love regarding persons.
That's how love works. Try to make kids in this two weeks period. If you don't want to pour as much seed in her as possible, this isn't really love.
Actually it's more like a few months.
I think it's normal to like more than one woman. The "love is a holy lifetime union between a man and a woman" is pandering to women, men always want more. The real issue is money.
>>3
The irony in your post is that a lot of guys constantly whine online that they're faithful great guys, but that all women are whores and basically just unfaithful holes...
Men do cheat more than women though so you do have a point in that regard.
Every time I hear those whines I'm thinking "You've been fucking her for a few months/years, why she isn't pregnant yet? She can't just leave you that easily if you dicked her enough. She will milk you for money for the rest of your life instead." They complain about a girl leaving them, but honestly they probably dodged the bullet there, her just walking away is one of the best things that can happen. I imagine it can be quite disheartening though.
Condoms were a mistake.
Also I will say that females cheat about as much as males, even if I have no idea. How the hell do one even check that.
>>5
Going through many independent reports, statistics say that men are more likely to cheat by a pretty big margin, but the women who do cheat do so more often with less partners.
I can't feel love at all.
How do I deal with this feeling? Most of the time I don't even think about it, and other times I am able to force myself to see it as inspiration (to the tune of "I could do this, too!"), but occasionally I end up completely overwhelmed by grief/despair.
Any suggestions?
>>1 honestly i would advice against leaving social media unless you already have well established social life and friends that can introduce you to new people. i left social media (instagram, facebook) in 2019, having a group of friends. of course i like them a lot but they're the only people i talk to, and watching them get girlfriends is sad. think of it like this: unless you have enough courage to talk to a random person at a bar/whatever, if you don't have social media you're pretty much unfindable in today's world. sucks, i know, but you can try to not get sucked in social media too much. i sometimes wonder if i would have a girlfriend by now if i hadn't deleted everything.
I remember basically wooing or asking out two girls in college years ago. I felt bad about being basically rejected for probably too long. It isn't something to feel bad about, especially considering that I am white and that there is a dwindling white population in the US. The one or two who rejected me were blonde. I did get to know two brunette or black haired girls, but that didn't go anywhere.
I don't think I got to know any of the girls that well; they could have very well been dumb or had personalities that I wouldn't be interested in. Sometimes girls confuse their youthful beauty and attractiveness for real self-worth. Physical appearance that most men would be attracted to and is something that a girl didn't work for is not an excellence that stands above the rest. Guys might also confuse physical appearance with real value, which is also dumb.
I had a guy friend whom I knew pretty well, but upon knowing him even further I found that I significantly disliked him even though I sorta liked him an other ways. Friends come and go, and the personality and characteristics of a friend determine how often you interact with him. The same is sorta true with guy-girl relationships. My point is, (1) [ don't feel like you missed out, maybe you just avoided having to get to know someone you would have rather not have gotten to know. ] Maybe you missed out on sex, but sex is probably sorta just bullshit. and (2) [ don't feel bad about being rejected. ]
>what is the difference between these?
Have you read the link?
Related question: Do higher standards help to reduce desperation, or are the two completely unrelated?
I heard some theory from the movie "mind games", about how "for all of us to get a girl, we need to stop seeing a difference between girls." I think it is silly, but listen to it anyway. Something about "If we will all go for the hottest girl, she will avoid us. If we will go for other girls after that, they will avoid us too, because nobody wants to be second class. So for all of us to get somebody, the hottest girl needs to disappear". Something like that. I think that's silly. But marketoids probably actually use this strategy, they barely explain what the difference between the products they sell is.
High standards is probably why I'm not married yet. Nay, that's because I'm piss poor, having standards has nothing to do with that. Probably need to find some girl with a good income, they probably exist, somewhere.
hire a hooker
first of all, don't think about love and don't look forward towards love. It isn't something you obtain, it is something offered to you. There is a thing called The Backwards Law, and that probably worked out for me to some very strange effect, but I won't go into it. Before all of that, work on yourself and try to be as decent of a person as you can be, and that'll be enough to open a lot of doors.
Here's a video by some motherfucker on yt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O42tZse-P6w
>if you don't think about sex, you will get it
that's not how it works. Well, sometimes. If people understand what you really want something, they will rise the demands for it, often to absurd degree. That includes women too, sometimes, if they are shit.
I will go through life without ever experiencing "love" and I have accepted that fact, not because I'm a defeatist but because nature and habit have created irreconcilable differences between myself and my fellow humans. I know I am right in thinking and operating in the way that I do and that God is on my side. The systematized, materialistic and demonic world that I inhabit is simply wrong. I am vindicated by the Truth and nothing will change that. If that means that I forfeit many of the social benefits of being of the world, including never finding a romantic partner, then so be it. If God intended me to find love than I would have.
Experiencing love is very easy, just play some dating sim or something. The waifubaiting is what the anime industry survives on. There is nothing super complicated about love, it is just a combination of 3 hormones. You need to properly define the feeling before you start talking about it. Also love hurts, especially when you can't get what you want, so not loving is actually really good, you should be thankful.
embrace my anus
tired of you all gay faggets
pussy ass fucks
Trust me, anyone that would be around a 4-ch user for a long time is either a fellow autistic keeper or a serial killer, and hopefully you'll be able to tell the difference between either before it's too late.
>>1
4ch nigga, you gay.
The truth about love is that nobody ever truly loved anyone
>>
i love you though anon
You wouldn't have found any love if you were straight either, so it doesn't matter.
ow the 3dge
20get
I was always a sperg but now I feel like I'm doomed to be an outcast due to my age alone.
I can't even begin to rationalize all the time I wasted, how the fuck am I gonna explain it to people?
It feels like I'll never be able to form a normal relationship.
I don't wanna die alone.
>>1
Late yes, too late never.
Heard colleges are only good for getting yourself in eternal dept, but I should listen to internet less, internet is malicious
no
It's not too late to change your hikikomori ways!
I've personal chosen the way of remaining a shut-in, but working hard so I can work from home as a programmer one day instead of living on autismbux forever.
oh god, forgot to change the formatting
i'm not the other guy i swear
No you still have time left but do it now because otherwise you will regret it later on. When you're a 35 year old hikikomori or even 50 year old hikikomori then you're too far gone.
>>7
You are the other guy, aren't you?...
When I was 14, I molested my sister. She was was almost four the first time and the second time was just after she turned four. The first time, I actually pulled her pants down and touched her bottom, but the second time was just me taking my time helping her in the restroom. Neither time did I ask her to touch me or even show her my penis.
I was recently recovering from a long amount of physical and emotional abuse from my father, and had previously been molested twice in my youth. I was also suffering from some fairly serious mental problems. I say this not to excuse my actions, but to provide more of an explanation of what was going on then.
As time went on and I have returned to a more normal mental state, I look back upon what I have done in horror and guilt. I don't really know what effects this may have had on my sister (she is still fairly young) but I don't really look back on my molestations negatively. I still feel guilty, though.
However, a larger emotion that I am now feeling is fear. What if she remembers? What if she does not? I certainly remember being that age, but I developed rather quickly. Her linguistic skills have always been behind. What if she remembers and eventually tells someone and my life is ruined? What if.... etc?
Did she look scared when you touched her? She's probably more likely to remember it depending on how traumatic it was. Sure everyone remembers differently but I think it's a common trend to remember bad memories more easily than good ones.
Amber is a whore!
When I was 3 or 4 I was molested by my moms boyfriends son who was 10 or 12. I was abused by all of my moms boyfriend and my mom, she had beaten my face bloody when I was 3 the boyfriend had picked me up by my neck and slammed me on a wall im 16 now and just moved out of my moms house into my biological fathers house. All of that abuse had still been going on until i left. When I was 12 I was looking for porn closer to my age, I found it and got addicted. Slowly looking at younger and younger pictures. I was desperate to feel what it felt like to be touched there and grabbed my little brothers hand and made him touch my penis I was 13 and this was on Nov 1st 2018 around 5pm. I did more things through out the next week. I got caught (luckily or else I would have never stopped). I only got caught for making him touch my penis. I regret it every day and I'm scared he will remember, but I have come to terms on what I have done, I will wait and see if he brings it up, if he does I will talk to him about it. I already have talked about it with my older brother. Some days I feel like... it would be better to just jump off a cliff and die. I almost considered today until I found this forum. If you hate me I understand I'm an awful human and deserve death for what I have done
>>36
That's pretty awful, at least you're out of your mom's house. Are you getting any sort of clinical support/therapy? This does not sound like the kind of stuff that you should be dealing with on your own...
My captcha is helpable if that's any consolation.
37... I haven't had and therapy for it in like 2 years the other therapy I got we never told them what happend. I've always been ashamed of it and I find it hard to tell someone. That kinda makes me look like an asshole. But hey I got my first job and I'm cleaning my alcholholic fathers apartment and well mine. I've just realized I don't like living in filth and being in a constant dark head space. Now I finally feel like I'm doing something better with my life and I'm slowly taking control of it again. And I won't fuck it up cause shit I'm done with the mental trauma. Sorry for the rant
I use to have thoughts about this boy I work with. He kinda reminds me of me when I was younger and even acts effeminate like I use to but to a larger degree.
The boys mom seems a wanton when it comes to choosing men. And needless to say he has a step dad and the mom just met the guy.
Idk why but I'm scared for him and his brother too
I'm 22 btw and often feel I love him. When I first saw him he gave me a kind of unusual vibe. There is the slight (1/1000) possibility he's my half brother cuz this is a certain part of town. But idk could be any fucking thing
It's weird.
https://youtu.be/puiXggDXtPs
What kind of activities will help you gain popularity?
Tell me what the fuck that is first.