>> Has a pocket protector made of gold
>>300 will do your vector calculus homework in exchange for a hot kiss.
>>303 Made a parody of 18 and Life by Skid Row listing many of the times he committed cybercrimes.
>>309 has irrational reservations about using any operating system newer than 4.3 BSD.
>>315 doesn't speak in English, he speaks in ASM. Consequently, 'push' and 'pop' are his favorite words.
>>316 enjoyed cheating on the games he played in the 80s. Consequently, PEEK and POKE are his favourite words.
>>317 has read SICP multiple times. Consequently, his other car is a cdr.
>>321 has written an AI algorithm that detects recursive jokes with 94% accuracy.
>>326 works extensively on a script that makes vi a serious competitor to Emacs in its ability to read and write email.
>>329 draws pornographic webcomics starring himself and the BSD daemon in ASCII art, in order to be fully lynx compatible..
>>330 misses the good old days when Linux distributions still required extensive knowledge of computer science to install.
>>331 misses the good old days when the damn computer hardware itself sometimes came improperly wired but it was okay because the manufacturer also gave you a copy of the schematics so you could fix it yourself.
>>333 prefers the good old days when all computers used relays instead of those new-fangled vacuum tubes.
>>334 doesn't trust new, unproven technologies like vacuum tubes and surfs the Web using an abacus.
>>335 holds an acoustic coupler to his face rather than trusting a machine to decode the modem signals properly.
>>337 Holds the world record for biggest painting made by only entering X and Y values with color values.
>>338 is the one who commissioned it, and has it hanging on his bedroom wall
>>339 has every single item sold by ThinkGeek on his wishlist.
>>342 has written a truly random number generator in only five lines of Ook!.
>>343 finds Ook! too easy and programmed his OS entirely in INTERCAL.
>>348 is porting FreeBSD to the Intel 4044 four-bit microprocessor.
>>352 is starting a business where he will sell perfect vacuum pumps and massless frictionless chain.
>>353 has a small business website that sells cute Darth Vader plushies. His brilliant viral marketing techniques soon generated him enough monthly revenue to allow him to live in his mother's basement permanently.
>>354 lives in an abandoned missile silo filled with the components for his latest electronic attempt at world domination.
>>355 bought a hovercraft for the sole purpose of filling it with eels.
>>356 bought an empty oil drum for the sole purpose of making the world's largest Giga Pudding, and incidentally encouraging obesity.
>>358 Is so successful at credit card hacking that he has spent as much as every nation's national debt.
>>359 built an electric car capable of driving from Fairbanks to Miami without needing to be recharged.
Many's the time >>362 has enjoyed the unique physical properties of baby oil (incidentally the subject of his latest term paper).
>>363 is so literal-minded that he refuses to use "baby oil" that isn't made from real babies.
>>366 wrote a Blue Sphere level editor in BRAINFUCK then created another 100 million levels.
>>367 wrote a programming language that makes Brainfuck look like BASIC in comparison. He then programmed a new Unix shell in it.
>>369 Makes so many scientific tests that there are no more theoretical physics.
>>370 has a very complex and nearly incomprehensible theory about that.
>>373 has surpassed the need for cars by perfecting his solar-powered jetpack.
>>374 is so nerdy that he refuses to use a jetpack without first putting on a silver jumpsuit and goggles.
>>375 wishes the Cybermen from Doctor Who were real and coming to upgrade him.
>>379 is writing a 10 kg book about the various nuances of fighting the supernatural.
>>381 once went a whole day without thinking about computers or mathematics. The night after, he had a curiously abstract wet dream. He awoke to find a proof of Fermat's last theorem written on the bedsheets in his own semen.
>>382 attempted to do the same thing, but the next morning what he found written in semen was "I have discovered a most marvellous proof, but this bedsheet is not wide enough to contain it."
>>383 Also attempted the same feat, and then farted Morse code for a month, and decoded, would be the method for building a time machine capable of moving the entire population of China in one trip.
>>387 once went to the bank to cash a paycheck for $1024, and when they asked him how he wanted it back, he asked for two $256's and four $128's.
>>388 would have preferred one $512, one $256, one $128 and so on, such that the sum of the denominations would tend towards $1024 until the teller gets annoyed.
... which is just fine, because >>390 is the bartender, and his bar is located in Hilbert's hotel.
>>391 has an infinite number of cigars, and he's happy to share, just don't tell his boss.
>>393 cannot chuckle without snorting. He is also the only person within 50 miles of his home who still finds Dilbert amusing.
>>395 had his mouth surgically sealed to bear a closer resemblance to Dilbert.
>>396 wears kitty ears 24/7 and has applied to legally change his name to Catbert.
>>397 wore a trench coat and all of his electronics made him look like an upgraded version of Inspector Gadget